Crazy day
Today was a totally crazy day, kicked off by me running late because I couldn't find the exact Pirates shirt I wanted to wear to church tonight, which put us behind a school bus that hit a deer...not really how I wanted to start my day - watching that poor deer get thrown across the road was a little traumatic. Work was chaotic and crazy...just one of those days where the babies refused to all sleep at the same time but wanted to eat at the same time (I only have two hands, four babies...it was rough).
And then I see on my Facebook newsfeed that there was a stabbing at a local high school. Tragic, yes. Did I pray for all involved? Yes. But then my feed gets inundated with status updates about how it could have been avoided if the school had metal detectors, or if the child (because the attacker was only 16 and in fact a child) had mental health issues that had gone untreated, or if the schools need smaller class sizes. Excuses were being made for the child - perhaps he was being bullied and that's why he lashed out.
And I get it...I totally get trying to find reason in the chaos. And these things are all very likely to help. However, I feel like we're forgetting one thing - maybe, just maybe, this child was just stressed out. Perhaps he was an over-achieving student who wasn't doing as well as he'd like in his classes. Maybe he was just trying to be heard.
How about if we look at the parents? I understand that parents need to work - the economy is such that you can't make ends meet on one income anymore (at least most people can't). A lot of kids are being raised in single-parent homes - and clearly those single parents need to work. This takes time away from the children - I understand that and I am totally not judging. But what are parents doing with the time they DO have to spend with their children? Are they talking with them and actually listening to and HEARING them? Or are they going out and making sure their child has the hottest new gadgets, trying to compensate for their lack of connection with their children with material things?
Before we start spouting out ways to end violence in schools, maybe we should start encouraging listening and connecting with our children at home, just sayin'.
Then my afternoon was just as crazy as my morning...my break was later than usual, which always throws me off. I've been going in an hour earlier than I normally do, so it felt like I was never going to get my lunch. The babies were fussy...cranky...out of sorts. Probably because I was too.
Church was the just the pick me up I needed - just like it always is. I love working with the youth, I think I've finally found my niche and I'm excited at the prospect of digging in and getting involved more.
Then I caved and drove through Taco Bell for dinner (even though it was totally out of my way and is totally not healthy) and settled in to watch "He's Just Not That Into You" and read for my class...and I had an epiphany about me and relationships and attractions....
I have a tendency to have inappropriate crushes and attractions. He's either too young, or too attached or totally not my type. I think I do this because it's "safe" I can crush away to my heart's content without ever risking it becoming anything real or serious. I can't do anything about the inappropriate crush...I can't ask him out, I can't pursue a relationship, I can only admire from afar and pine a little until the attraction fades and I move on. No risk of becoming involved and potentially being hurt again. No need to let him in or trust him. Totally safe.
Except for one crush that is actually quite appropriate, and is in a lot of ways exactly what I'm looking for and need. But he's emotionally unavailable and complicated and confusing. Which makes him safe, just like the inappropriate crushes. No risk of a relationship beyond friendship any time soon.
I've said a lot lately that I'm content being on my own. And I am. I get lonely, my mind wanders and I daydream (all great for the plot bunnies if I ever have the time to write for fun again), I'm not always 100% happy, but I am content. The great big hole I've spent most of my adult life trying to fill has in fact been filled, finally, and it's good. Not perfect but good.
So I'm gonna allow myself the inappropriate (but harmless) crushes - they're not hurting anyone - and continue to exercise self-control. I'm clearly not ready for anything that has the potential to become real, and I suspect that when I am, the inappropriate crushing will end and I'll set my sights on someone who is absolutely 100% right for me.
And then I see on my Facebook newsfeed that there was a stabbing at a local high school. Tragic, yes. Did I pray for all involved? Yes. But then my feed gets inundated with status updates about how it could have been avoided if the school had metal detectors, or if the child (because the attacker was only 16 and in fact a child) had mental health issues that had gone untreated, or if the schools need smaller class sizes. Excuses were being made for the child - perhaps he was being bullied and that's why he lashed out.
And I get it...I totally get trying to find reason in the chaos. And these things are all very likely to help. However, I feel like we're forgetting one thing - maybe, just maybe, this child was just stressed out. Perhaps he was an over-achieving student who wasn't doing as well as he'd like in his classes. Maybe he was just trying to be heard.
How about if we look at the parents? I understand that parents need to work - the economy is such that you can't make ends meet on one income anymore (at least most people can't). A lot of kids are being raised in single-parent homes - and clearly those single parents need to work. This takes time away from the children - I understand that and I am totally not judging. But what are parents doing with the time they DO have to spend with their children? Are they talking with them and actually listening to and HEARING them? Or are they going out and making sure their child has the hottest new gadgets, trying to compensate for their lack of connection with their children with material things?
Before we start spouting out ways to end violence in schools, maybe we should start encouraging listening and connecting with our children at home, just sayin'.
Then my afternoon was just as crazy as my morning...my break was later than usual, which always throws me off. I've been going in an hour earlier than I normally do, so it felt like I was never going to get my lunch. The babies were fussy...cranky...out of sorts. Probably because I was too.
Church was the just the pick me up I needed - just like it always is. I love working with the youth, I think I've finally found my niche and I'm excited at the prospect of digging in and getting involved more.
Then I caved and drove through Taco Bell for dinner (even though it was totally out of my way and is totally not healthy) and settled in to watch "He's Just Not That Into You" and read for my class...and I had an epiphany about me and relationships and attractions....
I have a tendency to have inappropriate crushes and attractions. He's either too young, or too attached or totally not my type. I think I do this because it's "safe" I can crush away to my heart's content without ever risking it becoming anything real or serious. I can't do anything about the inappropriate crush...I can't ask him out, I can't pursue a relationship, I can only admire from afar and pine a little until the attraction fades and I move on. No risk of becoming involved and potentially being hurt again. No need to let him in or trust him. Totally safe.
Except for one crush that is actually quite appropriate, and is in a lot of ways exactly what I'm looking for and need. But he's emotionally unavailable and complicated and confusing. Which makes him safe, just like the inappropriate crushes. No risk of a relationship beyond friendship any time soon.
I've said a lot lately that I'm content being on my own. And I am. I get lonely, my mind wanders and I daydream (all great for the plot bunnies if I ever have the time to write for fun again), I'm not always 100% happy, but I am content. The great big hole I've spent most of my adult life trying to fill has in fact been filled, finally, and it's good. Not perfect but good.
So I'm gonna allow myself the inappropriate (but harmless) crushes - they're not hurting anyone - and continue to exercise self-control. I'm clearly not ready for anything that has the potential to become real, and I suspect that when I am, the inappropriate crushing will end and I'll set my sights on someone who is absolutely 100% right for me.