(no subject)
This was the first full weekend I've spent at the barn since I've been out, working, teaching, riding more then once for more then 20 minutes, and generally just being around to help and answer question, like I did before I left, like I have for the past 5 years.
But nothing was the same, everything was different, it was like I was the stranger, the new comer, the one who needed the help, I just didn't feel like I belonged.
I go back to work on Monday, I went in last week to find out what my schedual would be, well really just to make sure I was getting my old shift back and by giving that back to me, I've become the most hated person in the store, it has upset the balance of things, and there are maybe 3 people left that know I can do this job blind, standing on my head with one arm tied behind my back, but everyone else is doubtful.
I don't belong here either.
All this has brounghy me to one conclusion, a conclusion I realize driving home from Kitchener a couple of weeks ago. I want to move. I want out of Newmarket. Coming home from KW I felt like I was leaving somewhere of comfort and coming to Newmarket to visit, not to come home.
Everyone around here has made it clear they don't need me and some have made it painfully clear they don't want me around so perhaps it's time to go as much as it would break my heart to leave my pony, but what else is there for me, really?
But nothing was the same, everything was different, it was like I was the stranger, the new comer, the one who needed the help, I just didn't feel like I belonged.
I go back to work on Monday, I went in last week to find out what my schedual would be, well really just to make sure I was getting my old shift back and by giving that back to me, I've become the most hated person in the store, it has upset the balance of things, and there are maybe 3 people left that know I can do this job blind, standing on my head with one arm tied behind my back, but everyone else is doubtful.
I don't belong here either.
All this has brounghy me to one conclusion, a conclusion I realize driving home from Kitchener a couple of weeks ago. I want to move. I want out of Newmarket. Coming home from KW I felt like I was leaving somewhere of comfort and coming to Newmarket to visit, not to come home.
Everyone around here has made it clear they don't need me and some have made it painfully clear they don't want me around so perhaps it's time to go as much as it would break my heart to leave my pony, but what else is there for me, really?