(no subject)
I want to go home. I want to go home so bad. I don't mind driving 3 hours. I don't mind at all. But my mom said the weather is bad . . . . or something . . . . .
After last night, I've finally come to the realization that I have a problem. I really believe that I have a depression problem. It is something that has been present through highschool and up to now. There is no reason for me to feel this shadow, this darkness, this constant weight. Its not school either or stress, I'm not worrying about classes or anything. I have no reason to feel this way. I am a healthy active young woman with very emotionally and financially supportive parents, good friends, a horse, a good life in general. I have absolutely no reason to feel this way at all. And yet I get so depressed, antisocial and I will eat until my stomach is painfully hurting or until i throw up.
I think i should try getting on antidepressents, I'm going to talk to a doctor here at the clinic. It's worth a shot. I'm sure it would surprise a lot of people if I did that. Only the people, like my roommates or family, that I live with, would really see/understand this problem I have. i think its worse at school because i can't get away from people and social pressure. I want to go home. I'm afraid i'll do something dumb if i don't. If I stay in tonight, i'll eat myself sick. If I go out tonight, I'll drink myself sick. I am my worst enemy.
this jumped into my head when i was walking from class, when i almost ran into a bunch of people:
"they meet in contridicting directions
trembling in their uncertainty
being blocked and blocking
eyes dancing from one to
the other
finally one surges forward
breaks through hesitation
and they scatter
to go on with each life"
After last night, I've finally come to the realization that I have a problem. I really believe that I have a depression problem. It is something that has been present through highschool and up to now. There is no reason for me to feel this shadow, this darkness, this constant weight. Its not school either or stress, I'm not worrying about classes or anything. I have no reason to feel this way. I am a healthy active young woman with very emotionally and financially supportive parents, good friends, a horse, a good life in general. I have absolutely no reason to feel this way at all. And yet I get so depressed, antisocial and I will eat until my stomach is painfully hurting or until i throw up.
I think i should try getting on antidepressents, I'm going to talk to a doctor here at the clinic. It's worth a shot. I'm sure it would surprise a lot of people if I did that. Only the people, like my roommates or family, that I live with, would really see/understand this problem I have. i think its worse at school because i can't get away from people and social pressure. I want to go home. I'm afraid i'll do something dumb if i don't. If I stay in tonight, i'll eat myself sick. If I go out tonight, I'll drink myself sick. I am my worst enemy.
this jumped into my head when i was walking from class, when i almost ran into a bunch of people:
"they meet in contridicting directions
trembling in their uncertainty
being blocked and blocking
eyes dancing from one to
the other
finally one surges forward
breaks through hesitation
and they scatter
to go on with each life"