Times
I wish life was easier..I wish it wasnt so hard to find someone to be with....damn..why is it so hard for me?...I know Im fat..I have fat on my body I never thought I'd ever have..I try and try to lose weight...but it just does not come off...thats all women seem to want...a hot guy...fun etc etc and a friend as well...the bad thing I am all those things except being hot...yet I can not get 1 woman to talk to me..and when she does she deletes her account..what I am doing wrong?...why does life have to be like this?....why do I miss her so much?...why cant I get over her?...why..why..why...why..why...why...why?...why cant I make the hurt stop?...I miss her sooo fucking much...but she is gone...or she might as well be..I havent spoken to her in forever...I leave her messages here and there..but to no avail..no response...she is very very sick and I know that..but it doesnt make life any easier...I miss her being close to me...calling me fore this and that..I never thought I would feel this sad about this...it has made it very hard on me..knowing shes there..in pain..not talking or communicating...with this problem and that problem and I do my best to help out and I always feel like its never enough...I wish I could stop loving and caring about it all but I cant..I know it sounds bad..but the pain kills me sometimes...like now...why cant I make it all better?..why cant some fucking doctor figure out what the hell is wrong with her and fix it?...I just wish I could talk to her again...I know that that will prolly never happen..I will get a call and it will be so bad and prolly kill me to hear and I really try not to think that..but reality sometimes hits you in the face.