Marriage

[dresden]

Well..one of my friends (a female) has asked me to marry her..weird I know..she said that since that we are friends and that Im nice to her...that I have always helped her out and not wanted anything in return..that we would make a good pair...the older I get..the lonelier I get..I do not see myself with anyone in the near future..dating is next to nihil...and its not getting any better..women just do not want to be with me...online dating is the worst..it works for other people..but these women do not want to date..or maybe its just me..I dunno..I try..but there is usually no response..I guess if I was some redneck loser who beats up on women..I'd be the king..its sad to say..I think Im just too weird for such a small town..you would think there would be some open minds here..but there isnt...so back to my friend..she does not see herself being with anyone..and I guess she is looking toward the future and finding that there is alot of guys who dont care very much about her..we get along very well...like alot of the same bands...I dont know what else to do..I dont want to be alone forever..and I feel like if I dont jump at this chance that is what will happen to me...the person I really love isnt getting any better with her health..in fact its worse..I feel like one day I will get bad news and that will be it..I will ALWAYS love and care for her but what am I supposed to do?..wait for something I will never get?..it really haunts me...I never talk to her anymore..the one time a couple of months ago I tried to visit her..she just stayed in her room and would not come out..I know she was sick..but it really hurt..and I know it shouldnt hurt me but it did...I think I care too much..and thats the bad/good thing about me...I need to go on with my life and not be alone...it is one of my worst fears..I know that marriage is supposed to be about love and all that stuff...but after a while its a friend thing as well..and if you arent friends then it isnt going to work as well...I think she is worried about being alone too...maybe its a huge mistake..but Im tired of online dating..Im tired of being alone...Im tired of not talking to someone/anyone...at least I would have a partner to do things with,...who likes some of the same things I do..same music..etc...those things are a plus...if you got something to say to me about all this..please do..cause Im thinking about it very seriously.

There is this new band Im into..called Romance...they got this Bauhaus/The Bolshoi/80s (Bolshoi was an 80s band)...thing about them..I really dig em...they are kinda hard to find on youtube...but look em up..they rock.