And I barely glanced at the giant orange
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Leaving Montreal this morning, something that has happened many times with a sense of regret and fear of never coming back; I was shocked to have felt nothing, not even joy, or anxiety. It could have been my lack of sleep since I am never able to sleep the eve of a long trip but I barely glanced at the giant orange on Decarie which is my usual landmark indicating my arrival or departure from this city which I’ve considered my home for these past few years. I feel alienated from everything. I have no “Home Sweet Home” sign to hang anywhere and I’m completely lost. It’s not a terrible feeling but it’s a little scary. It’s as if I could pack a bag one day and leave forever not knowing where to go but just leaving and breathing the new air of what could become a new home. It looks like an escape to me. I know I have people whose life I conveniently fit in, O’ so versatile me, not really having a plan just planning into others plans moulding my personality to the situations I live and hiding from the things I do not want to face.
I won’t be moving though, not to Miami, to not New York, not to Toronto and not to Haiti. I need to build a home here before destroying the furniture I’ve put in it.
Leaving Montreal this morning, something that has happened many times with a sense of regret and fear of never coming back; I was shocked to have felt nothing, not even joy, or anxiety. It could have been my lack of sleep since I am never able to sleep the eve of a long trip but I barely glanced at the giant orange on Decarie which is my usual landmark indicating my arrival or departure from this city which I’ve considered my home for these past few years. I feel alienated from everything. I have no “Home Sweet Home” sign to hang anywhere and I’m completely lost. It’s not a terrible feeling but it’s a little scary. It’s as if I could pack a bag one day and leave forever not knowing where to go but just leaving and breathing the new air of what could become a new home. It looks like an escape to me. I know I have people whose life I conveniently fit in, O’ so versatile me, not really having a plan just planning into others plans moulding my personality to the situations I live and hiding from the things I do not want to face.
I won’t be moving though, not to Miami, to not New York, not to Toronto and not to Haiti. I need to build a home here before destroying the furniture I’ve put in it.