Brigit's Flame - January 2009 - Week 2

[dreamy_idealist]

The strangest thing happened to me, this week. I wrote a poem! Not that I never did, but... I'm quite fond of it. Don't let that prevent you from sharing your thoughts. Will I finally make it to week 3? Thanks for reading. ;)

This week's topic is DEMONS.

Comments

[libra_dragon]

Wow, I really liked this and found it quite profound. Good job.

[murphpolo13]

Hey there, I'm one of your editors this week!

First, I want to say I think it's awesome that you've crossed over into poetry this week. Welcome to the dark side. ;)

1. The element that makes the poem the most interesting for me is expressed in the second and fourth stanzas. I like that the demons question their role in the universe, and should you choose to revise, I'd like to see that idea developed further. I think one way you can do that is by developing a specific voice for each group of characters.

Who are the innocents? Who are the demons? and when I say that, I don't necessarily mean you should name them specifically...I like that you've kept the poem somewhat anonymous because for me as a reader, it helps keep the two groups of entities relatable. But who are they? What do they want out of their existence? How do they feel about what's happening here

[dreamy_idealist]

Hello editor, and thanks for your thoughts. I have no problem with joining the dark side!

I'm worrying because I think you misinterpreted what I was trying to say in the fourth stanza. Let me clarify my thoughts.

The first two stanzas deal with children's fear of the dark, which disappears as they grow old and realize demons are merely humans.

The third stanza explain that those demonic humans are judged by their peers other humans - anyone - then sentenced to spears (a metaphor for the capital punishment, the lethal injection

[amorvincitnos]

Hello, I'm another one of your editors for this week. :) Join the poetic dark side? We have cookies!

There are some deep and interesting thoughts going on here, but I think they could use some more elaboration so that we really experience your message. I hope I can help!

1. As per your previous editor, I feel that the energy in the poem lies mostly in the second and fourth stanzas, and I'm also getting this in the end: the idea of the "demonic" consciousness and whether it's right or wrong to punish "demons" the way that we do -- if it's just for us to do as "innocents", or really a correct punishment for the "demonic". I think that this is probably where you can centre the action of this poem, because it's a neat concept; hopefully that ties in some with what murphpolo13 is getting at

[dreamy_idealist]

Hee. I love cookies.

I have always had the rhyming trouble. I'm aware it's not a prerequisite but in this particular instance that's how it came to me, though I know here some endings are merely assonances.

Thanks for the tips. I'll try not to disappoint next time :)

[darkspirited1]

I'm terrible at giving advice for poetry. There's a reason why I have only written a mere handful of poetry in my lifetime ... well, other than what school required me to write. Therefore, I'll just let that aspect of it to the two editors you seem to have

[dreamy_idealist]

I wish I had poetry requirement at school! There are no bad comments, and I do appreciate you taking time to say something. I know I should do it more often.

There are indeed so many ways to interpret the same poem or piece of writing or work of art. Did you understand it the way I explained it or otherwise when you first read it? I might see my own poem in a different light.

I'm just a full believer in the constant layering of writing and the fact that you can always improve.
You were right, we'll get along just fine!

Thank you for your comment;)