{ oneshot } Sleepwalker
Title: Sleepwalker
Fandom: Big Bang
Pairing: GRi
Genre: Angst, Jiyong's POV
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He just wants to dream about him.
Warnings: Written in only 25 minutes so it's shitty and unbetaed. First person.
A/N: Inspired by the song Sleepwalker. Adam Lambert is my muse, IDGAF. I need to make out with him and call him my bitch someday.
Request by/Dedicated to: stupidefleurk
I can't stay awake lately.
Not in the way that I go to sleep and am hard to wake... It's just that I feel like I want to keep dreaming while being awake instead of living my reality...
I probably just want to keep dreaming about you...
I want to keep dreaming about how you smiled when you saw me, about how you still addressed me so formally even if we've been together for so long, about how my hand could find yours under tables at meetings and about how you and I would spend so much delightful moments when we were hidden from the world....
I want to dream about us.
Do you remember that one thing you said? About how you wanted us to escape to Canada and skip military service to get married in a place where we would be allowed to so we would live freely? I called you crazy that day and criticized your shitty English, but I actually found myself dreaming about how it would be to say I do to a forever beside you... It made me really happy to think about how you'd probably blush upon hearing you may kiss the groom...
I probably didn't know how to express well how happy you made me. I'm sorry... Shit, no. I'm not sorry, actually. I messed up, probably. Or you did. I don't know anymore. All I know is that it feels pretty empty without you. I hate waking up in the morning and realize that I won't be finding you in my arms or your little complaints about how we slept in when you wanted to go to that new coffee place your classmates made you discover...
I remember how it would take half an hour for you to just choose what kind of coffee you wanted even if you always have mocha with a little too much chocolate in the end... I still go to that cafe every once in a while, to sit alone at a table for two and order mocha, despite the fact I dislike sweets... Sometimes, when I really am lost in my daydreaming, I can hear you whine and feel you kick my leg under the table to get my attention back to those awkward stories about your high school life you like telling so much... but then, I look up to see you're not really here and I just need to leave all of this behind... but I still finish that mocha, maybe it's for some extra torture, to remember I won't taste it off your lips anymore.
The lack of you in my life is like a really brutal wake up call... A call I don't want to wake up to, so I keep my eyes wide shut and try to keep going on with my life as it is each time it tries to shake me out of those dreams. I don't want to wake up. Not yet. I don't want to let go...
Though... do I really have anything to hold on to? Was it even real? Did I dream up your love for me? Maybe I did, because it was way too good to be true. Are you even real? Am I real? Are we really those people smiling together on this wallpaper picture on my cellphone? I don't know anymore. The only thing I know is real is the pain I feel and the tears I shed ever since you told me you didn't want me anymore. I fucking hate it. I know it's useless to hold on and that I'm hurting myself but I can't help it. You were my all... are still my all. You have my heart and I don't think I'll ever be able to take it back from you... It's like running into an invisible wall again and again. I know it's there and it's in the way between me and what I want but I can't break it.
What do I want anyways? I want to be with you. I want you to love me like you used to. I want those lazy afternoons we spent in my bed, kissing and telling each other those everythings and nothings that meant nothing but had so much meaning to us and us only. I want you waking up in the night to tell me you can't sleep because you think Tom and Laura are watching us creepily, I want your weird way of getting aroused by the idea of having an audience and I want those impatient pleas of yours when we made love. I want you to whisper to my ear in the morning so I wake up to start a new day.
...Yeah, I should want you to pull me out of slumber. I should want my freedom back. I should want to wake up and start anew. I should but I can't.
I want to keep dreaming, because dreams are all I have since you left. They're the closest thing to 'us' I still have.
I'm just going to keep sleepwalking. That's the only way I can live without you, Seungri.
Fandom: Big Bang
Pairing: GRi
Genre: Angst, Jiyong's POV
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He just wants to dream about him.
Warnings: Written in only 25 minutes so it's shitty and unbetaed. First person.
A/N: Inspired by the song Sleepwalker. Adam Lambert is my muse, IDGAF. I need to make out with him and call him my bitch someday.
Request by/Dedicated to: stupidefleurk
I can't stay awake lately.
Not in the way that I go to sleep and am hard to wake... It's just that I feel like I want to keep dreaming while being awake instead of living my reality...
I probably just want to keep dreaming about you...
I want to keep dreaming about how you smiled when you saw me, about how you still addressed me so formally even if we've been together for so long, about how my hand could find yours under tables at meetings and about how you and I would spend so much delightful moments when we were hidden from the world....
I want to dream about us.
Do you remember that one thing you said? About how you wanted us to escape to Canada and skip military service to get married in a place where we would be allowed to so we would live freely? I called you crazy that day and criticized your shitty English, but I actually found myself dreaming about how it would be to say I do to a forever beside you... It made me really happy to think about how you'd probably blush upon hearing you may kiss the groom...
I probably didn't know how to express well how happy you made me. I'm sorry... Shit, no. I'm not sorry, actually. I messed up, probably. Or you did. I don't know anymore. All I know is that it feels pretty empty without you. I hate waking up in the morning and realize that I won't be finding you in my arms or your little complaints about how we slept in when you wanted to go to that new coffee place your classmates made you discover...
I remember how it would take half an hour for you to just choose what kind of coffee you wanted even if you always have mocha with a little too much chocolate in the end... I still go to that cafe every once in a while, to sit alone at a table for two and order mocha, despite the fact I dislike sweets... Sometimes, when I really am lost in my daydreaming, I can hear you whine and feel you kick my leg under the table to get my attention back to those awkward stories about your high school life you like telling so much... but then, I look up to see you're not really here and I just need to leave all of this behind... but I still finish that mocha, maybe it's for some extra torture, to remember I won't taste it off your lips anymore.
The lack of you in my life is like a really brutal wake up call... A call I don't want to wake up to, so I keep my eyes wide shut and try to keep going on with my life as it is each time it tries to shake me out of those dreams. I don't want to wake up. Not yet. I don't want to let go...
Though... do I really have anything to hold on to? Was it even real? Did I dream up your love for me? Maybe I did, because it was way too good to be true. Are you even real? Am I real? Are we really those people smiling together on this wallpaper picture on my cellphone? I don't know anymore. The only thing I know is real is the pain I feel and the tears I shed ever since you told me you didn't want me anymore. I fucking hate it. I know it's useless to hold on and that I'm hurting myself but I can't help it. You were my all... are still my all. You have my heart and I don't think I'll ever be able to take it back from you... It's like running into an invisible wall again and again. I know it's there and it's in the way between me and what I want but I can't break it.
What do I want anyways? I want to be with you. I want you to love me like you used to. I want those lazy afternoons we spent in my bed, kissing and telling each other those everythings and nothings that meant nothing but had so much meaning to us and us only. I want you waking up in the night to tell me you can't sleep because you think Tom and Laura are watching us creepily, I want your weird way of getting aroused by the idea of having an audience and I want those impatient pleas of yours when we made love. I want you to whisper to my ear in the morning so I wake up to start a new day.
...Yeah, I should want you to pull me out of slumber. I should want my freedom back. I should want to wake up and start anew. I should but I can't.
I want to keep dreaming, because dreams are all I have since you left. They're the closest thing to 'us' I still have.
I'm just going to keep sleepwalking. That's the only way I can live without you, Seungri.