if you wrote me off, i'd understand it, cuz i've been on some other planet
I realized tonight, walking into my house that is as humid and hot as the air outside, that i don't like the smell of air conditioning. As much as i appreciate it the few times this summer I've experienced it (at Claire's apartment mostly), the air always smells exactly like what it is - produced air.
And for just a moment, I was glad to be air-conditioning free. only for a moment of course, but it was a start.
The past week has spent largely with Micah. It was similar to the beginning of my friendship with Megan, where it just made so much sense so quickly, and conversation and laughter flowed easily. And for that I am grateful. Despite the rampant rumors racing around the Local that we are now dating.
But those rumors I can deal with, laugh them off or hit whoever mentions it.
What I can't deal with so well are my feelings regarding this new development. I have had my fair share of crushes on guy friends, but in recent years that has come to a complete halt. I love having guy friends so much that turning them into anything more than that would be a waste.
And I don't want to do that with Micah. But I have to admit it's feeling...different. Maybe it's just because he is the only person I've wanted to hang out with lately. Not because I don't love my friends, it just, i don't know. Seems more appealing than everything else? I don't know how else to describe it.
I won't jump to any ridiculous conclusions though. Like, maybe I still have a functional heart? hah. that seems highly unlikely. Even my dream of dreams, the meeting of a One True Love, makes me nauseous. I'm not sure why. The process of falling in love, or even falling into like seems way too complicated, and exhausting. This genuinely freaks me out, since that has never been my problem. My problem is falling into like way too easily.
Maybe that's why it freaks me out. Because I know how easily it happens, and I'm not ready to throw myself off that cliff just yet.
it's difficult to find boys that I am 100% myself around, from the very beginning. But since I'm so dead set on not liking anyone, there's no need to parade around with a fake sara on. That also seems way too exhausting. And I'm glad for Micah's company. It's something to look forward to, something that's new, and he is introducing me to a whole different side of Minneapolis. He only listens to hip hop, so we've gone to a few shows together, both of which were awesome.
So I guess this is my alternative to actually dating. We went to Omaur's show a week ago, and this weekend we went to Too Much Love at First Ave and then a hip hop show last night. On Tuesday we went to see The Dark Knight with Meggy and Claire. Friday he came over and we drank and talked. Then my friends all came over, and when they left he stayed for a few hours after and we just talked. Saturday was Too Much Love and last night, despite his repeated claims that we needed to make Allie feel comfortable because she was shy, after the show, when we were back at my house it was just he and i, talking a mile a minute, as Allie sort of laughed at our drunken chatter.
One of the nights he texted me "Tonight was fun. I hope you enjoy our time together. I know I do."
I realize that text alone seems to imply that he likes me, but I really don't think that's the case. I think he needs friends, and this just happened to work out.
Ok so I just wrote a lot more than I intended. All about Micah. I'm going to go ahead and selectively choose NOT to analyze the reason for that.
But I am happy. And I am excited about this.
And that's all folks.
And for just a moment, I was glad to be air-conditioning free. only for a moment of course, but it was a start.
The past week has spent largely with Micah. It was similar to the beginning of my friendship with Megan, where it just made so much sense so quickly, and conversation and laughter flowed easily. And for that I am grateful. Despite the rampant rumors racing around the Local that we are now dating.
But those rumors I can deal with, laugh them off or hit whoever mentions it.
What I can't deal with so well are my feelings regarding this new development. I have had my fair share of crushes on guy friends, but in recent years that has come to a complete halt. I love having guy friends so much that turning them into anything more than that would be a waste.
And I don't want to do that with Micah. But I have to admit it's feeling...different. Maybe it's just because he is the only person I've wanted to hang out with lately. Not because I don't love my friends, it just, i don't know. Seems more appealing than everything else? I don't know how else to describe it.
I won't jump to any ridiculous conclusions though. Like, maybe I still have a functional heart? hah. that seems highly unlikely. Even my dream of dreams, the meeting of a One True Love, makes me nauseous. I'm not sure why. The process of falling in love, or even falling into like seems way too complicated, and exhausting. This genuinely freaks me out, since that has never been my problem. My problem is falling into like way too easily.
Maybe that's why it freaks me out. Because I know how easily it happens, and I'm not ready to throw myself off that cliff just yet.
it's difficult to find boys that I am 100% myself around, from the very beginning. But since I'm so dead set on not liking anyone, there's no need to parade around with a fake sara on. That also seems way too exhausting. And I'm glad for Micah's company. It's something to look forward to, something that's new, and he is introducing me to a whole different side of Minneapolis. He only listens to hip hop, so we've gone to a few shows together, both of which were awesome.
So I guess this is my alternative to actually dating. We went to Omaur's show a week ago, and this weekend we went to Too Much Love at First Ave and then a hip hop show last night. On Tuesday we went to see The Dark Knight with Meggy and Claire. Friday he came over and we drank and talked. Then my friends all came over, and when they left he stayed for a few hours after and we just talked. Saturday was Too Much Love and last night, despite his repeated claims that we needed to make Allie feel comfortable because she was shy, after the show, when we were back at my house it was just he and i, talking a mile a minute, as Allie sort of laughed at our drunken chatter.
One of the nights he texted me "Tonight was fun. I hope you enjoy our time together. I know I do."
I realize that text alone seems to imply that he likes me, but I really don't think that's the case. I think he needs friends, and this just happened to work out.
Ok so I just wrote a lot more than I intended. All about Micah. I'm going to go ahead and selectively choose NOT to analyze the reason for that.
But I am happy. And I am excited about this.
And that's all folks.