Author!Anon Ch. 2
Title: Author!Anon
Author(s): my bunny co-worker and me; edits done by me
Genre: Humor
Characters/Pairing(s): England, America, Canada, Hungary; US/UK
Rating: PG13/hard R; this chapter is PG13
Warnings: may cause your head to explode, lots of Author's/Editor's notes
Summary: America has a secret. He's a fanfiction author for the Hetalia kink_meme. This is his story as he struggles with strange de-anons, writer's block, and real life...as told by England.
AKA, the fic that has utterly destroyed my reputation. Originally for the kink_meme, now with edits and extra bits.
~
Chapter One: http://dreamslikeglass.livejournal.com/1916.html
Editor's Notes: FUCK. I was supposed to update this thing everyday/every-other-day like Iggy did back when he was first posting this, you know, as an awesome counterpoint and shit, but then I didn't. In my defense, it wasn't my fault. I got a visitor over the past few days (a hot, sexy, cute as a fucking bunny, one) and I got, uh, distracted. A lot. I barely got to work on this chapter at all! It didn't help that I was kinda hiding that I was working on this fic from my visitor. Uh, he kinda doesn't know yet that I'm de-anoning this for the two of us. I want it to be an awesome...surprise? You don't think he'll be mad, do you? Luckily, I was able to sneak away during breakfast and lunch on Saturday to respond to all your kind reviews! Thank you British food and helping me fake food poisoning. Thanks for all the great feedback, guys! Iggy would say thanks too if he, uh, knew. Though, he did give me a funny look when I asked him sanna_lan's question about whether we existed or not. Good thing that at the time, he hadn't had his first cup of tea yet. Iggy can't think worth shit without his harbor water tea.
I'll try to be more speedy in my updates in the future. I say try, because work is crazy.
Alright, Recap on Responses Time (with commentary by yours truly)!
CH. 1:
1. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17751330#t17751330
This response was written by the other filler of the bunny Iggy prompt. Oh snap, Iggy tried giving his kids to her! See, he was such a shitty dad. Thank God I got my independence. Er, except, he kinda sorta didn't give us away, and kept giving half-assed excuses about why he couldn't give up any of us. Well, I guess there's worse parents...Not that I'm saying that I want Iggy to be my guardian again, or shit like that. Nuh-uh. Never in a billion years.
2. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17751842#t17751842
Response from Ms. Beta...Holy shit, HUNGARY was on this?! Oh snap. I thought she was on my side! And what the fuck, Iggy?! You're freaking out about me writing porn about us, and then you turn around and offer to write porn about us to Hungary?! WTF, you hypocrite!
...Well, I think I just got an excuse to prank the hell out of my co-worker.
3. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17755426#t17755426
Lulz, message from my bro~Haha, figures Iggy wouldn't realize it was Mattie right away.*snicker* Way to kiss up to “dear old dad” there, Matt. Come on, that “Author!Anon-->Arthur!Anon” thing wasn't that clever. Okay, maybe it was a little cute. Mattie was also the author of the second review mentioned in the actual chapter. Hmmm, you know, it's kinda funny how my bro keeps saying that he's got issues with incest and yet here he is reading US/UK. Admit it, Mattie, you think me and Iggy are hot. I bet you're even part of the US/UK livejournal community. *singing* Cause don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
BTW, bro, soooo not cool of you not to tell me about this right away. I know I already said that, and I already forgave you, but still, you owe me.
4. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17755938#t17755938
Cool, a response from the OP! The OP likes bunny!Iggy too! Very awesome. Aww fuck. Iggy's being all arrogant and giving off “Empire” vibes here in his response. I'll have you know, I can come up with lots of “brilliant” ideas!
5. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17759010#t17759010
Hmmm. Iggy didn't reply to this one. He must have missed it. Maybe his eyesight is going in his old age? Well, I'll reply to it instead, 'cause I'm a hero!
“Sorry for the lack of sex, anon, but I'm working on it! Don't worry, a hero always delivers the goods!”
6. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17767714#t17767714
Hey, it's Vash's sister! I wonder if she's still floating around here...I got Switz' watch stuck on my arm again. Oh wow, Iggy responded to her at 6:59AM. With a hangover! LOL. Gotta admit, I'm impressed he was able to stay so (what's the word? Oh yeah!) coherent.
7. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17849634#t17849634
Yep, Iggy's definitely loosing his eyesight in his old age. He missed another response. Yeah, Iggy's Author Notes are pretty awesome, but not as awesome as my Editor Notes! *strike heroic pose*
8. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17972770#t17972770
Oh man, Iggy didn't respond to this one?! It's from the OP of the wolf!me/bunny!Iggy prompt! I love that anon! XD Haha, I should probably finish writing the next chapter for “Fairytale” especially since I'm almost done with it...
OKAY and now for your scheduled chapter:
~
Originally Posted August 27, 2006. 3:05PM-3:09PM, EDT
Author's Notes: I can't believe I'm awake so bloody early. Fucking hangover. But I simply must narrate to you all how that git's day (and the night before) was worse than mine. Thank God for mind-reading magic mirrors. His pain makes me smile a little...Reminds me of the good old days with the Spanish Armada. Speaking of which, Spain, if you're out there, we should do lunch. It's good to reminisce about the old days with old friends, don't you agree? *shark-like smile*
~
After the meeting (which Iggy had skipped out on! Fucking jerk...) America headed home to edit his story before posting it. Smiling happily to himself, the superpower wandered off to the kitchen to prepare dinner. The smile wavered a bit when he recalled that England had declined to come home with him. The Briton had said something about working on a project, but still... America had thought that he would be getting some that night. Maybe tomorrow. (America hoped so, anyway.)
Oh well, America had his stories to keep himself occupied. He decided he would check back up on his story in a few hours to see if anyone had sent him any sort of comments. God, he LOVED comments. As girly as it sounded, comments made him all warm and fuzzy inside. When people told him how much they enjoyed his work...damn. It was one of the most awesome feelings ever!
After a quick game of Halo with Tony (fucking alien camped, the bastard. It had to be the reason why Tony won so fast) America headed back to his room to check his story, a drink in hand. As soon as he read the comments, in particular, that comment, America choked on his soda.
I did not realize how much I love this request till I saw it and read the fics posted. Awesome fill authornon or shall I call you Alfred? I'm on to you!
No way. No fucking way. He-he wasn't de-anoned or anything! How had anon known?! Sputtering weakly to get the last drops of carbonated beverage out of his lungs, America quickly fired off a response. If there was one thing his old bosses had taught him, it was when in doubt, deny deny deny.
Author!Anon here
*spits out soda* Wha?! WTF?
ahahahahah...I have no idea what your talking about anon. You're fucking crazy.
Chuckling nervously to himself, America shut down his computer, and headed back downstairs to watch some TV. There...there must be some mistake. Or maybe anon thought it was another Alfred. Or maybe it was Russia or a ghost stalking him and that's how he found out America's secret. Or worse! A Russian ghost! Ghost!Russia!
As more and more theories swirled in America's head, he became more and more paranoid. Flashbacks of the Cold War danced in his head and the soft “kolkolkol” of Russia's laughter sounded in his ears.
After several hours of freaking the fuck out, America eventually passed out on his couch, thoughts of spies and nukes raping his dreams.
~
The next day, America ended up waking early. It wasn't even light out yet. As he rolled out of bed, he groaned a bit. Man...those dreams last night were fucking scary! But totally unbelievable. Hahaha! Nukes. Ghost!Russia. And de-anoning on the kink_meme...Heroes don't do crap like that!
Grinning sleepily, America booted up his computer to check his story again. He scrolled all the way to the bottom (he always checked the newest comments first) and found a new review.
Writer!anon, your style looks very familiar. I think I've seen it somewhere before. Did you do a burst of fills a while back? I think I'm reading one or two of your ongoing fills as well. If not, I'm sorry.
I remember when that sort of thing happened to my brother, because he could never slow down or take things easy. Still doesn't, actually.
I'm curious to see where this goes before it diverges into porn. You promised plot, after all. The beginning is interesting, though, keep it up.
America smiled. It was great to see someone liked his stories and wanted him to continue. And this anon was so nice...But their fears were unfounded! He was a hero! And unlike the anon's unfortunate brother, America could totally take care of his workload. That's what heroes did! America typed out a response to the anon, being careful not to mention anything about heroes or awesome. No need to give himself away after all.
Author!Anon here
Yeah I have some other fills going on. Not too many tho. You know just 4... It's easy keeping up with them, so no worries XD
Thanks for the support!
Feeling cheerful after such a positive review, America scrolled up to read the others. Huh...there was a reply to a reply to a reply...Hey that looked like...
Oh c'mon not-so-anonymous-authornon, don't be shy ;)
and it's not as if it's not *obvious* either, Alfred
Recaptcha: pennock Al, ROFL. IT KNOWS
America yelped, and fell out of his chair in shock.
“Oh fuck, it wasn't a dream!” he gasped, “Oh fuck, oh fuck, even Captcha knows!!!”
America started hyperventilating. This was not good. Not at all. This...this was a breech in National Security! Oh shit, what if his boss found out?! He would be so disappointed. America was supposed to be acting more mature, not reading and writing porn! Well, in his defense, America hadn't written porn yet...But still! What if his boss found his story? And the prompt with its sexy hot bunny!Iggy?! Or his other stories?! Holy crap, what if the other countries found his stories?! God. At least three of America's stories were about him and Matt being awesome sibs. (He never wrote any twincest, cause that would be weird.) Oh God, if Mattie ever found out America was the one that wrote that fill where Canada's first kiss was stolen by a soldier...America would never live it down. In the fic, America got to play out his kink of being an overprotective big bro. He didn't act that way in real life (he couldn't...there was just way too many politics, and he was pretty sure Matt still had issues over 1812, and really didn't want Alfred around) but he wish he did. Canada was never supposed to find out that America actually cared about his brother. Hell, no one was supposed to. America thought that after one of his old bosses said that the special relationship between the US and Canada was dead, that no one would ever figure out that he still had a soft spot for his twin brother. But if his stories came out, America's reputation of being a heartless asshole was down the drain!
After taking a few more shuddering breaths, America threw on his clothes from yesterday and headed out the door. Maybe walking to the meeting would help him clear out his mind a little...
He wondered if he should talk to someone about this. Canada was out, for obvious reasons. So was England. England was not ever going to find out about the freaking bunny story. Nuh uh. No way. And France...Well, France would probably get sidetracked by the picture of bunny England and wolf America to be of any help. Fucking voyeur. France was, to use a line from the first filler of the bunny prompt (ouch, that still stung that America wasn't first) “France the Cock”. The bastard only thought with the head between his legs.
Then it came to him. Hungary. He had to talk to Hungary. She'd know what to do! She was supposed to be at the meeting today, so hopefully America would catch her.
As soon as he entered the meeting hall, America noticed something odd. Lichtenstein whispered to Switzerland when America passed, a strange smile tugging on her lips. America had no idea what the pair had said (it was too quiet, and in German) but something about their stares made him feel uneasy. Canada and England were speaking quietly in the corner. That wasn't too strange, but once America came over, the other Nations promptly shut up and America was only able to catch the tail end of the conversation.
“...liked the writing. Even though you forgot me. Again.”
“Bloody hell. I said I was-Oh, there's America now!”
“What's up?” America chirped cheerfully.
Canada and England looked at each other before Canada shrugged, “Nothing much. What about you, eh? You look a little...jumpy.”
“It's nothing,” America laughed, waving aside his brother's concerns, “Oh look, it's Hungary! Need to talk to her. See you later, Iggy and Whats-your-name.”
“...It's Canada,” his twin muttered, “Is it really that hard? Dieu...Even my own brother.”
America hid a smile as he walked away. Of course, he knew who Canada was. They shared the longest common border (unmilitarized too) in the world, for Christ sakes. Not to mention, they shared the world's largest trade relationship. But the American asshole reputation had to be upheld.
Crisis momentarily diverted, America went back to his initial mission: speaking with Hungary.
“Hungary! Hey, Hungary!” America called. Said Nation turned towards him, a smile lighting up her face.
“America!” she greeted cheerfully, “I read the first chapter of your new story. I see you want to start off slowly.”
“Uh, yeah, 'bout that,” America sighed, running a hand through messy locks, “I dunno if I can do it.”
The smile fell off of Hungary's face. “Why not?” she asked, a touch of razor sharp ice in her tone.
America bit his lip.
“They know!” he hissed quietly, looking around him in a paranoid fashion, “The anons. Captcha even! They know it's me! How can I continue writing if they know?!”
Hungary frowned, “Don't tell me you're backing out now because of a couple of comments...They probably don't even know it's you, you. We're pretty much fictional to most of the people on the kink_meme.”
“It's freaky, okay?!” America whined, not caring that he sounded like a child, “It's starting to affect my entire thought process!”
“Now, calm down, America,” Hungary soothed, “It'll be alright. I mean, you don't want to leave your stories unfinished, right?”
“Heck no!” America snorted, crossing his arms defiantly, “That would be unheroic! But I'm feeling uneasy about 'Fairytale'. I mean, I sorta know where I wanna go with it, but all this anxiety about the anons knowing about me seriously fucking around with my thoughts for that fic.”
“Well then, how about you work on some of your other fills?” Hungary suggested, “You haven't been found out on them, have you?”
“No,” America admitted after a moment.
“Well, there you go!” Hungary smiled, “Maybe while you're working on them, an idea will form for 'Fairytale'. We can't have you get writer's block can we? I want my yaoi!”
“Yes, ma'am!” America grinned cheekily, before tossing her a sharp salute, “I'll start handwriting a draft during the meeting.”
“Aren't you supposed to pay attention?” Hungary pointed out, a touch serious, “England's speaking again today.”
“Pfft, I'll just read his notes later,” America replied offhandedly, waving aside her concern, “Though, maybe staring at him will inspire me, right? Man, bunny England...Makes me want to pound him into a wall.”
“That's the spirit!” Hungary cheered, clapping the American on the back, “Get to it!”
Author's notes:
The git did. Stare at me, that is. It was bloody creepy, especially since I knew he was imagining me with rabbit ears the entire time. I have to admit, the fact that he was able to write without ever looking down at the paper is rather impressive.
The story mentioned here (the one about Canada's first kiss being taken by a soldier) is indeed real. Again, I did not write that story, but rather it is the work of my colleague (the same one working on “Fairytale”). In case you are interested, it can be found at http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=15060002#t15060002
See, Ms. Beta? No harm done. He's still working on his fills like a good boy. What do you say, he'll be done with another chapter or two in a week? Maybe more with proper, ah, motivation?
And to my other son (I remembered you this time, so don't get your knickers in a twist, young man), I hope you realise that if your brother ever finds out that I was the one who told you (and the world) that he actually cares, you will be the one taking the brunt of the pain. I kept the cane from your younger days. However, do humiliate him or get all stupidly “sappy/girly” as America says it. Just make sure it will NOT be traced back to here. Do you understand, soldier?
I would like to thank Norway for the magic mirror. It performed brilliantly.
Hmmm...part of me feels a bit guilty that I'm giving away the brat's my colleague's secrets. But then I remember he was a git and didn't ask for my permission in the first place. Ugh, creepy. My speech is over (thus, why I am able to write a bit) but he is still staring at me with that stupid look and, my God, he's doodling bunnies in the margins! Fucking wanker...Fuck. Is he touching himself under the table?! Where on earth did I go wrong in raising him?! And why am I getting turned on?
~
Editor's Note:
Ha! Caught a verb tense error! Take that, England! It's revenge for when you were teaching me how to read and write! *gloats*
For the record, I was not touching myself under the table. Iggy just has a sick mind. I at least have the decency to jerk off in privacy. We're not all kinky bastards like you, old man.
Okay, to better understand the time stamp and why Iggy was complaining about it being early, despite the fact that he was posting at 3 in the afternoon, is because he started writing this chapter at 5AM in the morning. He got to write for about 2-3 hours before he had to leave for the meeting. He spent the tail end of the first half of the meeting and the lunch break finishing up this chapter and sending off into cyberspace. Yeah, we have ridiculously long lunch breaks, because otherwise a bunch of the Europeans would flip their shit. *rolls eyes* Forty hour work weeks and a forty-five minute lunch break are fine with me, but I'm awesome. What can I say? Take your stereotype of lazy American and suck on it, beeyach!
*winces* Looking back on it, maybe I shouldn't have used the deny tactic. Look where it got Dick and Bill.
Um, yeah...about that fic “Vital Regions.” I guess I have to officially de-anon it now. I wrote “Vital Regions” and a bunch of really girly ones that will never see the light of de-anon. right after I wrote “Serial Killer Serial Victim” to get all the bad mojo outta my system. Dark fics are fun to write and all, but I like cheerful stuff too.
Man, editing this fic is WAY too fun. Why didn't I think to do this earlier? Question: Do you guys mind the stupid long notes? Personally, I don't like reading long author/editor notes, but I'm hoping you guys are amused with all this.
Author(s): my bunny co-worker and me; edits done by me
Genre: Humor
Characters/Pairing(s): England, America, Canada, Hungary; US/UK
Rating: PG13/hard R; this chapter is PG13
Warnings: may cause your head to explode, lots of Author's/Editor's notes
Summary: America has a secret. He's a fanfiction author for the Hetalia kink_meme. This is his story as he struggles with strange de-anons, writer's block, and real life...as told by England.
AKA, the fic that has utterly destroyed my reputation. Originally for the kink_meme, now with edits and extra bits.
~
Chapter One: http://dreamslikeglass.livejournal.com/1916.html
Editor's Notes: FUCK. I was supposed to update this thing everyday/every-other-day like Iggy did back when he was first posting this, you know, as an awesome counterpoint and shit, but then I didn't. In my defense, it wasn't my fault. I got a visitor over the past few days (a hot, sexy, cute as a fucking bunny, one) and I got, uh, distracted. A lot. I barely got to work on this chapter at all! It didn't help that I was kinda hiding that I was working on this fic from my visitor. Uh, he kinda doesn't know yet that I'm de-anoning this for the two of us. I want it to be an awesome...surprise? You don't think he'll be mad, do you? Luckily, I was able to sneak away during breakfast and lunch on Saturday to respond to all your kind reviews! Thank you British food and helping me fake food poisoning. Thanks for all the great feedback, guys! Iggy would say thanks too if he, uh, knew. Though, he did give me a funny look when I asked him sanna_lan's question about whether we existed or not. Good thing that at the time, he hadn't had his first cup of tea yet. Iggy can't think worth shit without his harbor water tea.
I'll try to be more speedy in my updates in the future. I say try, because work is crazy.
Alright, Recap on Responses Time (with commentary by yours truly)!
CH. 1:
1. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17751330#t17751330
This response was written by the other filler of the bunny Iggy prompt. Oh snap, Iggy tried giving his kids to her! See, he was such a shitty dad. Thank God I got my independence. Er, except, he kinda sorta didn't give us away, and kept giving half-assed excuses about why he couldn't give up any of us. Well, I guess there's worse parents...Not that I'm saying that I want Iggy to be my guardian again, or shit like that. Nuh-uh. Never in a billion years.
2. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17751842#t17751842
Response from Ms. Beta...Holy shit, HUNGARY was on this?! Oh snap. I thought she was on my side! And what the fuck, Iggy?! You're freaking out about me writing porn about us, and then you turn around and offer to write porn about us to Hungary?! WTF, you hypocrite!
...Well, I think I just got an excuse to prank the hell out of my co-worker.
3. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17755426#t17755426
Lulz, message from my bro~Haha, figures Iggy wouldn't realize it was Mattie right away.*snicker* Way to kiss up to “dear old dad” there, Matt. Come on, that “Author!Anon-->Arthur!Anon” thing wasn't that clever. Okay, maybe it was a little cute. Mattie was also the author of the second review mentioned in the actual chapter. Hmmm, you know, it's kinda funny how my bro keeps saying that he's got issues with incest and yet here he is reading US/UK. Admit it, Mattie, you think me and Iggy are hot. I bet you're even part of the US/UK livejournal community. *singing* Cause don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
BTW, bro, soooo not cool of you not to tell me about this right away. I know I already said that, and I already forgave you, but still, you owe me.
4. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17755938#t17755938
Cool, a response from the OP! The OP likes bunny!Iggy too! Very awesome. Aww fuck. Iggy's being all arrogant and giving off “Empire” vibes here in his response. I'll have you know, I can come up with lots of “brilliant” ideas!
5. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17759010#t17759010
Hmmm. Iggy didn't reply to this one. He must have missed it. Maybe his eyesight is going in his old age? Well, I'll reply to it instead, 'cause I'm a hero!
“Sorry for the lack of sex, anon, but I'm working on it! Don't worry, a hero always delivers the goods!”
6. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17767714#t17767714
Hey, it's Vash's sister! I wonder if she's still floating around here...I got Switz' watch stuck on my arm again. Oh wow, Iggy responded to her at 6:59AM. With a hangover! LOL. Gotta admit, I'm impressed he was able to stay so (what's the word? Oh yeah!) coherent.
7. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17849634#t17849634
Yep, Iggy's definitely loosing his eyesight in his old age. He missed another response. Yeah, Iggy's Author Notes are pretty awesome, but not as awesome as my Editor Notes! *strike heroic pose*
8. Link: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=17972770#t17972770
Oh man, Iggy didn't respond to this one?! It's from the OP of the wolf!me/bunny!Iggy prompt! I love that anon! XD Haha, I should probably finish writing the next chapter for “Fairytale” especially since I'm almost done with it...
OKAY and now for your scheduled chapter:
~
Originally Posted August 27, 2006. 3:05PM-3:09PM, EDT
Author's Notes: I can't believe I'm awake so bloody early. Fucking hangover. But I simply must narrate to you all how that git's day (and the night before) was worse than mine. Thank God for mind-reading magic mirrors. His pain makes me smile a little...Reminds me of the good old days with the Spanish Armada. Speaking of which, Spain, if you're out there, we should do lunch. It's good to reminisce about the old days with old friends, don't you agree? *shark-like smile*
~
After the meeting (which Iggy had skipped out on! Fucking jerk...) America headed home to edit his story before posting it. Smiling happily to himself, the superpower wandered off to the kitchen to prepare dinner. The smile wavered a bit when he recalled that England had declined to come home with him. The Briton had said something about working on a project, but still... America had thought that he would be getting some that night. Maybe tomorrow. (America hoped so, anyway.)
Oh well, America had his stories to keep himself occupied. He decided he would check back up on his story in a few hours to see if anyone had sent him any sort of comments. God, he LOVED comments. As girly as it sounded, comments made him all warm and fuzzy inside. When people told him how much they enjoyed his work...damn. It was one of the most awesome feelings ever!
After a quick game of Halo with Tony (fucking alien camped, the bastard. It had to be the reason why Tony won so fast) America headed back to his room to check his story, a drink in hand. As soon as he read the comments, in particular, that comment, America choked on his soda.
I did not realize how much I love this request till I saw it and read the fics posted. Awesome fill authornon or shall I call you Alfred? I'm on to you!
No way. No fucking way. He-he wasn't de-anoned or anything! How had anon known?! Sputtering weakly to get the last drops of carbonated beverage out of his lungs, America quickly fired off a response. If there was one thing his old bosses had taught him, it was when in doubt, deny deny deny.
Author!Anon here
*spits out soda* Wha?! WTF?
ahahahahah...I have no idea what your talking about anon. You're fucking crazy.
Chuckling nervously to himself, America shut down his computer, and headed back downstairs to watch some TV. There...there must be some mistake. Or maybe anon thought it was another Alfred. Or maybe it was Russia or a ghost stalking him and that's how he found out America's secret. Or worse! A Russian ghost! Ghost!Russia!
As more and more theories swirled in America's head, he became more and more paranoid. Flashbacks of the Cold War danced in his head and the soft “kolkolkol” of Russia's laughter sounded in his ears.
After several hours of freaking the fuck out, America eventually passed out on his couch, thoughts of spies and nukes raping his dreams.
~
The next day, America ended up waking early. It wasn't even light out yet. As he rolled out of bed, he groaned a bit. Man...those dreams last night were fucking scary! But totally unbelievable. Hahaha! Nukes. Ghost!Russia. And de-anoning on the kink_meme...Heroes don't do crap like that!
Grinning sleepily, America booted up his computer to check his story again. He scrolled all the way to the bottom (he always checked the newest comments first) and found a new review.
Writer!anon, your style looks very familiar. I think I've seen it somewhere before. Did you do a burst of fills a while back? I think I'm reading one or two of your ongoing fills as well. If not, I'm sorry.
I remember when that sort of thing happened to my brother, because he could never slow down or take things easy. Still doesn't, actually.
I'm curious to see where this goes before it diverges into porn. You promised plot, after all. The beginning is interesting, though, keep it up.
America smiled. It was great to see someone liked his stories and wanted him to continue. And this anon was so nice...But their fears were unfounded! He was a hero! And unlike the anon's unfortunate brother, America could totally take care of his workload. That's what heroes did! America typed out a response to the anon, being careful not to mention anything about heroes or awesome. No need to give himself away after all.
Author!Anon here
Yeah I have some other fills going on. Not too many tho. You know just 4... It's easy keeping up with them, so no worries XD
Thanks for the support!
Feeling cheerful after such a positive review, America scrolled up to read the others. Huh...there was a reply to a reply to a reply...Hey that looked like...
Oh c'mon not-so-anonymous-authornon, don't be shy ;)
and it's not as if it's not *obvious* either, Alfred
Recaptcha: pennock Al, ROFL. IT KNOWS
America yelped, and fell out of his chair in shock.
“Oh fuck, it wasn't a dream!” he gasped, “Oh fuck, oh fuck, even Captcha knows!!!”
America started hyperventilating. This was not good. Not at all. This...this was a breech in National Security! Oh shit, what if his boss found out?! He would be so disappointed. America was supposed to be acting more mature, not reading and writing porn! Well, in his defense, America hadn't written porn yet...But still! What if his boss found his story? And the prompt with its sexy hot bunny!Iggy?! Or his other stories?! Holy crap, what if the other countries found his stories?! God. At least three of America's stories were about him and Matt being awesome sibs. (He never wrote any twincest, cause that would be weird.) Oh God, if Mattie ever found out America was the one that wrote that fill where Canada's first kiss was stolen by a soldier...America would never live it down. In the fic, America got to play out his kink of being an overprotective big bro. He didn't act that way in real life (he couldn't...there was just way too many politics, and he was pretty sure Matt still had issues over 1812, and really didn't want Alfred around) but he wish he did. Canada was never supposed to find out that America actually cared about his brother. Hell, no one was supposed to. America thought that after one of his old bosses said that the special relationship between the US and Canada was dead, that no one would ever figure out that he still had a soft spot for his twin brother. But if his stories came out, America's reputation of being a heartless asshole was down the drain!
After taking a few more shuddering breaths, America threw on his clothes from yesterday and headed out the door. Maybe walking to the meeting would help him clear out his mind a little...
He wondered if he should talk to someone about this. Canada was out, for obvious reasons. So was England. England was not ever going to find out about the freaking bunny story. Nuh uh. No way. And France...Well, France would probably get sidetracked by the picture of bunny England and wolf America to be of any help. Fucking voyeur. France was, to use a line from the first filler of the bunny prompt (ouch, that still stung that America wasn't first) “France the Cock”. The bastard only thought with the head between his legs.
Then it came to him. Hungary. He had to talk to Hungary. She'd know what to do! She was supposed to be at the meeting today, so hopefully America would catch her.
As soon as he entered the meeting hall, America noticed something odd. Lichtenstein whispered to Switzerland when America passed, a strange smile tugging on her lips. America had no idea what the pair had said (it was too quiet, and in German) but something about their stares made him feel uneasy. Canada and England were speaking quietly in the corner. That wasn't too strange, but once America came over, the other Nations promptly shut up and America was only able to catch the tail end of the conversation.
“...liked the writing. Even though you forgot me. Again.”
“Bloody hell. I said I was-Oh, there's America now!”
“What's up?” America chirped cheerfully.
Canada and England looked at each other before Canada shrugged, “Nothing much. What about you, eh? You look a little...jumpy.”
“It's nothing,” America laughed, waving aside his brother's concerns, “Oh look, it's Hungary! Need to talk to her. See you later, Iggy and Whats-your-name.”
“...It's Canada,” his twin muttered, “Is it really that hard? Dieu...Even my own brother.”
America hid a smile as he walked away. Of course, he knew who Canada was. They shared the longest common border (unmilitarized too) in the world, for Christ sakes. Not to mention, they shared the world's largest trade relationship. But the American asshole reputation had to be upheld.
Crisis momentarily diverted, America went back to his initial mission: speaking with Hungary.
“Hungary! Hey, Hungary!” America called. Said Nation turned towards him, a smile lighting up her face.
“America!” she greeted cheerfully, “I read the first chapter of your new story. I see you want to start off slowly.”
“Uh, yeah, 'bout that,” America sighed, running a hand through messy locks, “I dunno if I can do it.”
The smile fell off of Hungary's face. “Why not?” she asked, a touch of razor sharp ice in her tone.
America bit his lip.
“They know!” he hissed quietly, looking around him in a paranoid fashion, “The anons. Captcha even! They know it's me! How can I continue writing if they know?!”
Hungary frowned, “Don't tell me you're backing out now because of a couple of comments...They probably don't even know it's you, you. We're pretty much fictional to most of the people on the kink_meme.”
“It's freaky, okay?!” America whined, not caring that he sounded like a child, “It's starting to affect my entire thought process!”
“Now, calm down, America,” Hungary soothed, “It'll be alright. I mean, you don't want to leave your stories unfinished, right?”
“Heck no!” America snorted, crossing his arms defiantly, “That would be unheroic! But I'm feeling uneasy about 'Fairytale'. I mean, I sorta know where I wanna go with it, but all this anxiety about the anons knowing about me seriously fucking around with my thoughts for that fic.”
“Well then, how about you work on some of your other fills?” Hungary suggested, “You haven't been found out on them, have you?”
“No,” America admitted after a moment.
“Well, there you go!” Hungary smiled, “Maybe while you're working on them, an idea will form for 'Fairytale'. We can't have you get writer's block can we? I want my yaoi!”
“Yes, ma'am!” America grinned cheekily, before tossing her a sharp salute, “I'll start handwriting a draft during the meeting.”
“Aren't you supposed to pay attention?” Hungary pointed out, a touch serious, “England's speaking again today.”
“Pfft, I'll just read his notes later,” America replied offhandedly, waving aside her concern, “Though, maybe staring at him will inspire me, right? Man, bunny England...Makes me want to pound him into a wall.”
“That's the spirit!” Hungary cheered, clapping the American on the back, “Get to it!”
Author's notes:
The git did. Stare at me, that is. It was bloody creepy, especially since I knew he was imagining me with rabbit ears the entire time. I have to admit, the fact that he was able to write without ever looking down at the paper is rather impressive.
The story mentioned here (the one about Canada's first kiss being taken by a soldier) is indeed real. Again, I did not write that story, but rather it is the work of my colleague (the same one working on “Fairytale”). In case you are interested, it can be found at http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/10530.html?thread=15060002#t15060002
See, Ms. Beta? No harm done. He's still working on his fills like a good boy. What do you say, he'll be done with another chapter or two in a week? Maybe more with proper, ah, motivation?
And to my other son (I remembered you this time, so don't get your knickers in a twist, young man), I hope you realise that if your brother ever finds out that I was the one who told you (and the world) that he actually cares, you will be the one taking the brunt of the pain. I kept the cane from your younger days. However, do humiliate him or get all stupidly “sappy/girly” as America says it. Just make sure it will NOT be traced back to here. Do you understand, soldier?
I would like to thank Norway for the magic mirror. It performed brilliantly.
Hmmm...part of me feels a bit guilty that I'm giving away the brat's my colleague's secrets. But then I remember he was a git and didn't ask for my permission in the first place. Ugh, creepy. My speech is over (thus, why I am able to write a bit) but he is still staring at me with that stupid look and, my God, he's doodling bunnies in the margins! Fucking wanker...Fuck. Is he touching himself under the table?! Where on earth did I go wrong in raising him?! And why am I getting turned on?
~
Editor's Note:
Ha! Caught a verb tense error! Take that, England! It's revenge for when you were teaching me how to read and write! *gloats*
For the record, I was not touching myself under the table. Iggy just has a sick mind. I at least have the decency to jerk off in privacy. We're not all kinky bastards like you, old man.
Okay, to better understand the time stamp and why Iggy was complaining about it being early, despite the fact that he was posting at 3 in the afternoon, is because he started writing this chapter at 5AM in the morning. He got to write for about 2-3 hours before he had to leave for the meeting. He spent the tail end of the first half of the meeting and the lunch break finishing up this chapter and sending off into cyberspace. Yeah, we have ridiculously long lunch breaks, because otherwise a bunch of the Europeans would flip their shit. *rolls eyes* Forty hour work weeks and a forty-five minute lunch break are fine with me, but I'm awesome. What can I say? Take your stereotype of lazy American and suck on it, beeyach!
*winces* Looking back on it, maybe I shouldn't have used the deny tactic. Look where it got Dick and Bill.
Um, yeah...about that fic “Vital Regions.” I guess I have to officially de-anon it now. I wrote “Vital Regions” and a bunch of really girly ones that will never see the light of de-anon. right after I wrote “Serial Killer Serial Victim” to get all the bad mojo outta my system. Dark fics are fun to write and all, but I like cheerful stuff too.
Man, editing this fic is WAY too fun. Why didn't I think to do this earlier? Question: Do you guys mind the stupid long notes? Personally, I don't like reading long author/editor notes, but I'm hoping you guys are amused with all this.