Fic - Holding Fire 1/9 - A Way to Live (SPN)
Title: A Way to Live
Series: Holding Fire
Author: Ry (curseangel / dreamsforlease)
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester; John Winchester is mentioned.
Summary: A series of short!fics based around Sam's time in college, and it's effects, mostly on his brother and their relationship. Inspired by the Heather Nova song "A Way to Live". This chapter: Home is where the heart is; Sam leaves "home".
He doesn't tell anyone where he's going when he leaves. He has a feeling Dean already knows, and he could never tell Dad. It's the middle of the night when he takes the bag he packed while his brother was in the shower and closes the motel room door behind him, and he's never felt more free or less alive. He clears the parking lot lights before he finds a car that won't offer resistance to him, and as soon as he's behind the wheel, illegally, in case he'd dared to forget his roots even for a moment, he knows that he can never turn back. The door was closed, and going back would mean trapping himself in that life. He has a full ride, paperwork stuffed down the front pocket of his laptop bag with twenty bucks and two fake credit cards that he'd only use until he had a job and a place to stay. He was getting out, driving a car that had once been cherry red but was used enough that no one would doubt he owned it, laptop and paperwork and cellphone in a bag on the passenger seat, and as he peeled out onto the highway, he stole only one glance back to the adjacent motel rooms where his father and his brother would wake in the morning to find him gone.
It's not like he doesn't feel guilty at all. He and Dad had already had it out over this, his desire to go to college. He knew whose side Dean was on, too, though he'd tried to stay in the middle after one of his and Dad's fights, he'd made to plead, "C'mon, Sammy." He'd shaken his head, told him not to try, and remembering the look on Dean's face when he and Dad had fought over his wanting to leave, he's not as certain anymore if he wishes he had let his brother convince him to stop or not. He shoves the thoughts back with the hair that persistently tries to fall in front of his eyes.
He's leaving it all behind. And in the morning, when he's still driving, he ignores the bleating of his cellphone, the small chime that indicates a text message. He doesn't pick up and he doesn't look at the display. Only two people have the number, and he knows better than to let them in now.
If he talks to Dean now, he'll turn around and he knows it.
Series: Holding Fire
Author: Ry (curseangel / dreamsforlease)
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester; John Winchester is mentioned.
Summary: A series of short!fics based around Sam's time in college, and it's effects, mostly on his brother and their relationship. Inspired by the Heather Nova song "A Way to Live". This chapter: Home is where the heart is; Sam leaves "home".
He doesn't tell anyone where he's going when he leaves. He has a feeling Dean already knows, and he could never tell Dad. It's the middle of the night when he takes the bag he packed while his brother was in the shower and closes the motel room door behind him, and he's never felt more free or less alive. He clears the parking lot lights before he finds a car that won't offer resistance to him, and as soon as he's behind the wheel, illegally, in case he'd dared to forget his roots even for a moment, he knows that he can never turn back. The door was closed, and going back would mean trapping himself in that life. He has a full ride, paperwork stuffed down the front pocket of his laptop bag with twenty bucks and two fake credit cards that he'd only use until he had a job and a place to stay. He was getting out, driving a car that had once been cherry red but was used enough that no one would doubt he owned it, laptop and paperwork and cellphone in a bag on the passenger seat, and as he peeled out onto the highway, he stole only one glance back to the adjacent motel rooms where his father and his brother would wake in the morning to find him gone.
It's not like he doesn't feel guilty at all. He and Dad had already had it out over this, his desire to go to college. He knew whose side Dean was on, too, though he'd tried to stay in the middle after one of his and Dad's fights, he'd made to plead, "C'mon, Sammy." He'd shaken his head, told him not to try, and remembering the look on Dean's face when he and Dad had fought over his wanting to leave, he's not as certain anymore if he wishes he had let his brother convince him to stop or not. He shoves the thoughts back with the hair that persistently tries to fall in front of his eyes.
He's leaving it all behind. And in the morning, when he's still driving, he ignores the bleating of his cellphone, the small chime that indicates a text message. He doesn't pick up and he doesn't look at the display. Only two people have the number, and he knows better than to let them in now.
If he talks to Dean now, he'll turn around and he knows it.