[32 of 100] Mourning
I am sad today. Not desolately sad, not heartbroken, not sobbing on the floor, but sad in that way that even the bright sun on the clear snow cannot lift. Sad such that shapes of the icicles cannot move me, and I have to force myself to see the wonder in them rather than cursing them as symbols of a cold dark winter that threatens to stretch on for many months yet.
Oh, all right. That is a little bit of a lie. I am a sucker for beauty, and even if I resented spending twenty minutes scraping ice off the car this morning I did love the shapes it made, and the satisfying crunch of the big pieces breaking and falling to the ground.. And I am actually enjoying listening to the news today, the anchors all a-twitter over President Obama's immediate forward motion on lobbying reform and the closing of Guantanamo Bay, looking ahead to his expected executive degrees on funding for clinics that provide abortion counseling and stem-cell research. There are so many thinks our new President can't do right away, but he is moving ahead on the one's he can work on now and there is a little bit of exhilaration to be felt in that.
Still, I am heart-weary today, carrying sorrow for some friends who are going through a rough patch. I am feeling the mid-winterness of it all, and how the struggles my loved ones are going through call up fears about my own life. I am, in so many ways, as emotionally and financially secure as I have ever been. But the world is vast and sometimes scary and even for a white girl in the US with a good education, there are no guarantees.
Being between edits on my chapter draft, and fairly well prepared for teaching tomorrow, I am spending today focusing on the physical--there was ballet this morning, lunch with motive_nuance , and grocery shopping. I am making a meal to bring to some of those struggling friends tonight, doing laundry, scrubbing counters and putting away luggage. I am breathing in, breathing out, and doing my part to keep my house and my community together. As always, I just have to hope that the practice is enough, that it counts for something, in the grand scheme of things.
Oh, all right. That is a little bit of a lie. I am a sucker for beauty, and even if I resented spending twenty minutes scraping ice off the car this morning I did love the shapes it made, and the satisfying crunch of the big pieces breaking and falling to the ground.. And I am actually enjoying listening to the news today, the anchors all a-twitter over President Obama's immediate forward motion on lobbying reform and the closing of Guantanamo Bay, looking ahead to his expected executive degrees on funding for clinics that provide abortion counseling and stem-cell research. There are so many thinks our new President can't do right away, but he is moving ahead on the one's he can work on now and there is a little bit of exhilaration to be felt in that.
Still, I am heart-weary today, carrying sorrow for some friends who are going through a rough patch. I am feeling the mid-winterness of it all, and how the struggles my loved ones are going through call up fears about my own life. I am, in so many ways, as emotionally and financially secure as I have ever been. But the world is vast and sometimes scary and even for a white girl in the US with a good education, there are no guarantees.
Being between edits on my chapter draft, and fairly well prepared for teaching tomorrow, I am spending today focusing on the physical--there was ballet this morning, lunch with motive_nuance , and grocery shopping. I am making a meal to bring to some of those struggling friends tonight, doing laundry, scrubbing counters and putting away luggage. I am breathing in, breathing out, and doing my part to keep my house and my community together. As always, I just have to hope that the practice is enough, that it counts for something, in the grand scheme of things.