The Last Week, and the Coming One
It was hard to come back from Portland. Aside, simply, from dealing with the exhaustion of travelling I also found my emotional reserves drained. Too much had happened, with too little time to think about it all. There was an ache to deal with, and a complete lack of reserves to make that process any easier. Some part of me just shut down a bit
So there were some quiet days, spent mostly alone, and attempts made to get back into the swing of my "regular" life. Ballet helped, as always, and the off class I had on Wednesday was followed by 3 very good classes indeed.
The problem is that I can't really settle back into life here - there simply isn't time. I can fake getting back into my routine but I know that I'm just leaving it again in a week. And the thought of leaving again both overwhelming and exciting. There are people I want and need to see in Colorado, and I'm excited about the work opportunity. The students I will be working with will have a very different set of needs from the ones I work with here, and I feel that my chances of positively affecting them are greater. It will be harder work, more intense, and I'm looking forward to that. I'm hoping, perhaps foolishly, that Colorado will give me some time to process, some time to hole up and concentrate on questions that I get too distracted to deal with here. It is a good goal, at least, and if I can accomplish even a third of what I hope to it will be time well spent.
Yesterday, sitting at parties, I could feel some of the parts of me that I had shut down stirring again. My soul responded to my community, to the love and the joy therein, and the knowledge that I'll be leaving again soon is not enough to unbalance me. My trip to Colorado is a journey, not an uprooting. There will always be much to come home to.
So there were some quiet days, spent mostly alone, and attempts made to get back into the swing of my "regular" life. Ballet helped, as always, and the off class I had on Wednesday was followed by 3 very good classes indeed.
The problem is that I can't really settle back into life here - there simply isn't time. I can fake getting back into my routine but I know that I'm just leaving it again in a week. And the thought of leaving again both overwhelming and exciting. There are people I want and need to see in Colorado, and I'm excited about the work opportunity. The students I will be working with will have a very different set of needs from the ones I work with here, and I feel that my chances of positively affecting them are greater. It will be harder work, more intense, and I'm looking forward to that. I'm hoping, perhaps foolishly, that Colorado will give me some time to process, some time to hole up and concentrate on questions that I get too distracted to deal with here. It is a good goal, at least, and if I can accomplish even a third of what I hope to it will be time well spent.
Yesterday, sitting at parties, I could feel some of the parts of me that I had shut down stirring again. My soul responded to my community, to the love and the joy therein, and the knowledge that I'll be leaving again soon is not enough to unbalance me. My trip to Colorado is a journey, not an uprooting. There will always be much to come home to.