[[Tidal Waves]]
So I'm back in Savannah to start yet another quarter. It all seems to have gone by so fast but I remember how painfully slow it feels to go through it.
I'm almost not a Freshman anymore.
Spring break was indescribable. Truly.
I rolled for the first time which was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and I look forward to doing it again. Actually, I rolled twice -- road trips to Savannah on half a gold rolex kick ass...I only wish we were travelling at night.
The entire way down the radio was off. We talked. Endlessly. About everything. About important, life changing things. We reconnected and it feels amazing to have re-established that connection (even though it never left...things were just hazy and distant for a while). Chad and I truly bonded over the past week and a half. I left the Queen City even closer to him than when I came up. I honestly didn't know it was possible to get closer, fall in love, and love him more as every second passes. It just keeps getting better...almost eight months later. I'm sure this is it. The thought of spending my life with someone else...or even kissing someone else...makes my stomach turn. I have everything I need to get by within him. We connected mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually over break. It was amazing.
So many new experiences within the past week and a half. It's almost impossible to remember them all.
So many emotional and mental breakthroughs and even more leaps and bounds within myself and connecting with who I am...with Chad holding my hand and standing right behind me every step of the way. I cried a lot. But it was good. It was cleansing. He held me and encouraged me to let it out. He opened an outlet for me to practice my words.
My mother and I actually talked. She actually heard what I said. It was a miracle.
So much is changing so fast...
I didn't make any money last weekend at work (St. Patty's -- go figure)...but I participated in the Fetish show and paid 5 bucks for a dominatrix to...well...dominate me and it was the best five bucks I've ever spent. She made me bleed. It felt amazing -- especially after that night of work.
Chad and I have not one penny to our names (though out of the graciousness of my mother she gave me money for school supplies...) but it isn't tearing us apart. If anything, it's bringing us closer together. I think that's a feat that not many couples accomplish...college students or established families. Financial issues put deep rifts between people...but not us...even during the most challenging part of our lives. I think it's incredible.
My mother finally understands.
At the end of May Chad's lease at our friend's apartment runs out...my mother would prefer me to be in the Charlotte area for the summer but Chad and I might be moving to Savannah after his lease runs out...the time of us moving together is yet to be determined but if it's not over the summer (beginning of June) it will definitely be in the fall. My mom actually supports the idea! As long as he pays half. Which Chad and I decided over winter break when we were dreaming of the day we could finally live together all the time instead of a weekend here or three weeks there. A lot of big changes ahead but I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere with my personal goals. My mom thinks it would benefit us, especially me, if I live with Chad down here...someone to split the bill, the chores, and be the emotional support that he always is but we'll always physically be together at the end of the day. I can't wait. I'm not scared at all. We've lived together off and on and we make great roomates as well! I'm so excited.
And, guess what?
He promised to come see me next weekend! (not this upcoming but the one after)
I'm so happy.
He's going to come visit me down here more since I work weekends.
I'm going to come up for 4-20 whether the club likes it or not...and I'm going to try and go back for the Oakenfold concert on the 1st as well. It all depends on the cash flow.
I'm quitting Hancock's too. It's costing me money and wasting my time working there. I'm notifying them tomorrow. Give my two week notice.
I'm also going to look into waitressing at an actual bar/dance club that a promoter friend of mine has connections with so I'm not working at a strip club. I'll make more money and get more respect at an actual dance club or bar anyway. Not that I don't love the Club...I do. I adore the bouncers and the other waitress and the DJ and I've even made friends with two of the dancers! I love them all to death but if it slips out to my parents that I'm actually working there they will literally cut me off and/or kill me. Believe me. I asked, heh.
I had the experience and I'd definitely come back to visit and such...it's not going to be an immediate transfer -- I still have to talk to my boy (for Chad too so he has a job lined up down here) -- but within the next few months I think I'll be finding another waitressing job. I love to waitress but I'm exerting all of my energy and not seeing much of a penny from it and there's definitely something better out there.
Fuck Hancock. Fuck working a minimum wage job AND a waitressing job...it's too much time to take up in my school schedule and the money I make at the club is supporting the gas it takes to get down -to- Hancock to work for a measley $5.60 an hour for four hours a day three times a week...I owed my supervisor $40 so out of my last paycheck I got to keep $3 and change...and I still haven't actually seen money for the week I borrowed money from her for!
It's just not worth it.
But yeh...that's life at the moment. A lot of good, a lot of bad...a ton of stress and a lot of shit...a lot of worries and a lot of problems but enough good to make it all worth it. The reward for all the work...the silver lining...it's all too precious to give up because right now is too hard. We will push through and make it work and get to the good stuff soon enough...because it's worth it.
Hopefully this quarter won't kick my ass and maybe I'll pass 3D design...wish me luck.
[[And one last thing: I love Charles Jeffrey Sager with every fiber of my being. I love him with the fullness of my heart and the deepest depths of my soul and I will stand by him for longer than forever. Till death do us part is not an option. Our love spans past the parameters of eternity and I open my arms and accept it fully without fear, without regret and wholly without doubt. I am in love and love the most wonderful man that walks this planet right now (in my eyes) and nothing, NOTHING will change that. People may talk and they will say what they will and they will do what they do and think what they think but my sights are locked and are not moving and we will take whatever life may throw at us because we.will.survive. We will endure and last the test of time and distance and space. He is my life and I like it that way because I myself am not lost. I've found myself through him and find that by his side is where I was always meant to be.]]
That is all.
::Ark::
I'm almost not a Freshman anymore.
Spring break was indescribable. Truly.
I rolled for the first time which was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and I look forward to doing it again. Actually, I rolled twice -- road trips to Savannah on half a gold rolex kick ass...I only wish we were travelling at night.
The entire way down the radio was off. We talked. Endlessly. About everything. About important, life changing things. We reconnected and it feels amazing to have re-established that connection (even though it never left...things were just hazy and distant for a while). Chad and I truly bonded over the past week and a half. I left the Queen City even closer to him than when I came up. I honestly didn't know it was possible to get closer, fall in love, and love him more as every second passes. It just keeps getting better...almost eight months later. I'm sure this is it. The thought of spending my life with someone else...or even kissing someone else...makes my stomach turn. I have everything I need to get by within him. We connected mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually over break. It was amazing.
So many new experiences within the past week and a half. It's almost impossible to remember them all.
So many emotional and mental breakthroughs and even more leaps and bounds within myself and connecting with who I am...with Chad holding my hand and standing right behind me every step of the way. I cried a lot. But it was good. It was cleansing. He held me and encouraged me to let it out. He opened an outlet for me to practice my words.
My mother and I actually talked. She actually heard what I said. It was a miracle.
So much is changing so fast...
I didn't make any money last weekend at work (St. Patty's -- go figure)...but I participated in the Fetish show and paid 5 bucks for a dominatrix to...well...dominate me and it was the best five bucks I've ever spent. She made me bleed. It felt amazing -- especially after that night of work.
Chad and I have not one penny to our names (though out of the graciousness of my mother she gave me money for school supplies...) but it isn't tearing us apart. If anything, it's bringing us closer together. I think that's a feat that not many couples accomplish...college students or established families. Financial issues put deep rifts between people...but not us...even during the most challenging part of our lives. I think it's incredible.
My mother finally understands.
At the end of May Chad's lease at our friend's apartment runs out...my mother would prefer me to be in the Charlotte area for the summer but Chad and I might be moving to Savannah after his lease runs out...the time of us moving together is yet to be determined but if it's not over the summer (beginning of June) it will definitely be in the fall. My mom actually supports the idea! As long as he pays half. Which Chad and I decided over winter break when we were dreaming of the day we could finally live together all the time instead of a weekend here or three weeks there. A lot of big changes ahead but I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere with my personal goals. My mom thinks it would benefit us, especially me, if I live with Chad down here...someone to split the bill, the chores, and be the emotional support that he always is but we'll always physically be together at the end of the day. I can't wait. I'm not scared at all. We've lived together off and on and we make great roomates as well! I'm so excited.
And, guess what?
He promised to come see me next weekend! (not this upcoming but the one after)
I'm so happy.
He's going to come visit me down here more since I work weekends.
I'm going to come up for 4-20 whether the club likes it or not...and I'm going to try and go back for the Oakenfold concert on the 1st as well. It all depends on the cash flow.
I'm quitting Hancock's too. It's costing me money and wasting my time working there. I'm notifying them tomorrow. Give my two week notice.
I'm also going to look into waitressing at an actual bar/dance club that a promoter friend of mine has connections with so I'm not working at a strip club. I'll make more money and get more respect at an actual dance club or bar anyway. Not that I don't love the Club...I do. I adore the bouncers and the other waitress and the DJ and I've even made friends with two of the dancers! I love them all to death but if it slips out to my parents that I'm actually working there they will literally cut me off and/or kill me. Believe me. I asked, heh.
I had the experience and I'd definitely come back to visit and such...it's not going to be an immediate transfer -- I still have to talk to my boy (for Chad too so he has a job lined up down here) -- but within the next few months I think I'll be finding another waitressing job. I love to waitress but I'm exerting all of my energy and not seeing much of a penny from it and there's definitely something better out there.
Fuck Hancock. Fuck working a minimum wage job AND a waitressing job...it's too much time to take up in my school schedule and the money I make at the club is supporting the gas it takes to get down -to- Hancock to work for a measley $5.60 an hour for four hours a day three times a week...I owed my supervisor $40 so out of my last paycheck I got to keep $3 and change...and I still haven't actually seen money for the week I borrowed money from her for!
It's just not worth it.
But yeh...that's life at the moment. A lot of good, a lot of bad...a ton of stress and a lot of shit...a lot of worries and a lot of problems but enough good to make it all worth it. The reward for all the work...the silver lining...it's all too precious to give up because right now is too hard. We will push through and make it work and get to the good stuff soon enough...because it's worth it.
Hopefully this quarter won't kick my ass and maybe I'll pass 3D design...wish me luck.
[[And one last thing: I love Charles Jeffrey Sager with every fiber of my being. I love him with the fullness of my heart and the deepest depths of my soul and I will stand by him for longer than forever. Till death do us part is not an option. Our love spans past the parameters of eternity and I open my arms and accept it fully without fear, without regret and wholly without doubt. I am in love and love the most wonderful man that walks this planet right now (in my eyes) and nothing, NOTHING will change that. People may talk and they will say what they will and they will do what they do and think what they think but my sights are locked and are not moving and we will take whatever life may throw at us because we.will.survive. We will endure and last the test of time and distance and space. He is my life and I like it that way because I myself am not lost. I've found myself through him and find that by his side is where I was always meant to be.]]
That is all.
::Ark::