Americanski
So you read my review about Spider-Man but I think I misled you a bit. You were probably expecting a story from my European travels. Well, to make up for it, I'm writing you a story now. If you had viewed my pictures, then you've probably noticed a folder entitled "Sad Drunk Story." Here's the tale behind the pictures...
It starts in Elblang, Poland. My family and I go visit a friend of my mom's from high school. We get there and while the girls (my two sisters and the daughter of mom's friend) get together and chat/gossip away, I'm left to hang out with my mom (how cool!), her friend, and the husband of said friend. Mom's friend is friendly though, and she sets me right away with a mixed alcoholic drink: Bison Vodka mixed with apple juice. Not as great as a regular screw driver, but drinkable nonetheless.
In the course of the night, I have four of these, plus a coffee somewhere inbetween. Seems about right for the night, right? Well, the girls come out of the bedroom and ask if I would like to tag along with them to a bar. Remembering the wise words of Leo to never refuse an invitation or the unfamiliar, I say yes.
So we go out to the bar. It's called the Bowling Alley and fair enough, there are four bowling lanes, plus some pool tables, girls, dark lighting, pop/disco music, girls, girls, and probably some guys but I don't remember. We grab a table and my sister offers to pay for the night for all of us. We each get a beer and a shot of vodka. The night is going well, we're talking about embarrassing relationships, it's all fun. When we go up for the second round of drinks (another beer and shot for each of us) we come back to see Jesi chatting up with a guy (someone had to guard our table). He was cool, looked like Harry Potter, and was fun to talk to. He wasn't one of those tough macho guys that try too hard. We all take our shots and this one hits me hard.
If you've partied enough times with me, you know I'm a good puker. I know when it's coming so I excuse myself to the bathroom (playing it cool of course) and ugh, you know, throw up a little. Then I decide to go outside for some breath of fresh air. Here, I would like to digress a little and say that life is flawed that when you throw up, you still don't feel good. How many of us have thought, "Uh oh, I'm so fucking drunk and feel like shit. Ok, all I have to do is throw up and I'll feel better." But instead, you feel a million times worse. This is a Life Flaw. There are many more, but that's for another time.
Anyway, as I'm sitting down feeling so fucking drunk and shitty, some blonde haired girl starts talking to me. Fuck, I'm in trouble. Anyone who knows me also knows that while I understand Polish, I can't really speak a word of it back. Just a few stuff like tak and nie (yes and no, respectively). She asks me something along the lines of, "Is it fun inside?"
I say, "Tak."
Now she says something else that I completely miss. This next section is funny only to Polish people (I've tried telling this story in person to my friends and they didn't laugh at this part like my family and everyone in Poland did. Hopefully it will be funnier to you guys in print). So she says something, I miss it, so I shrug my shoulders and say, "Ja jestem Americanski." See, this is the funny part I was telling you about. I was trying to say I'm American, but you don't say Americanski, you say Americanem. HAHA! See...funny...
I guess you shoulda have just been there.
Anyway, so I say that (feeling quite proud of saying it too), and she looks at me funny and walks away. Whatever, I go inside and as I'm about to enter the bar, a bouncer appears out of nowhere and he throws out his arm, blocking my entrance, and says something to me. I'm still fucked up, and so I totally miss what he said. I look at him, shrug my shoulders, and again say, "Ja jestem Americanski." He in reply looks at me funny, shrugs his shoulders, and opens the door for me. SCORE!
I sit down back at the table. No one seemed to have missed me (though I think I was out for a while). I do the stupidest thing and automatically take another sip of my beer upon sitting down. This is no good for my stomach. So I stand right back up and head to the bathroom, where I spend the rest of my time, trying to synchronize my throwing up noise with the toilet flushes.
My sisters come get me (by yelling at me when the bathroom door swung open) and I stagger out, acting all cool of course, though by now they all knew. Sue takes my camera and starts snapping away. I didn't care since all I wanted was a bed to sleep on. And that was basically my drunken night story. Next day was a communion for a friend's daughter we had to go to, which wasn't fun. Then at the communion reception, people kept asking me to take shots, pushing shotglasses already filled up towards me. Just the sight of them made me feel sicker.
The only other thing to mention was that Sue paid 100 zlotys for the 8 beers and 8 shots total. This is equivalent to about 33 US dollars. Fuck! Try buying 2 beers here in the city. It's like 50 bucks.
Anyway, hope you enjoy my story. Night!
It starts in Elblang, Poland. My family and I go visit a friend of my mom's from high school. We get there and while the girls (my two sisters and the daughter of mom's friend) get together and chat/gossip away, I'm left to hang out with my mom (how cool!), her friend, and the husband of said friend. Mom's friend is friendly though, and she sets me right away with a mixed alcoholic drink: Bison Vodka mixed with apple juice. Not as great as a regular screw driver, but drinkable nonetheless.
In the course of the night, I have four of these, plus a coffee somewhere inbetween. Seems about right for the night, right? Well, the girls come out of the bedroom and ask if I would like to tag along with them to a bar. Remembering the wise words of Leo to never refuse an invitation or the unfamiliar, I say yes.
So we go out to the bar. It's called the Bowling Alley and fair enough, there are four bowling lanes, plus some pool tables, girls, dark lighting, pop/disco music, girls, girls, and probably some guys but I don't remember. We grab a table and my sister offers to pay for the night for all of us. We each get a beer and a shot of vodka. The night is going well, we're talking about embarrassing relationships, it's all fun. When we go up for the second round of drinks (another beer and shot for each of us) we come back to see Jesi chatting up with a guy (someone had to guard our table). He was cool, looked like Harry Potter, and was fun to talk to. He wasn't one of those tough macho guys that try too hard. We all take our shots and this one hits me hard.
If you've partied enough times with me, you know I'm a good puker. I know when it's coming so I excuse myself to the bathroom (playing it cool of course) and ugh, you know, throw up a little. Then I decide to go outside for some breath of fresh air. Here, I would like to digress a little and say that life is flawed that when you throw up, you still don't feel good. How many of us have thought, "Uh oh, I'm so fucking drunk and feel like shit. Ok, all I have to do is throw up and I'll feel better." But instead, you feel a million times worse. This is a Life Flaw. There are many more, but that's for another time.
Anyway, as I'm sitting down feeling so fucking drunk and shitty, some blonde haired girl starts talking to me. Fuck, I'm in trouble. Anyone who knows me also knows that while I understand Polish, I can't really speak a word of it back. Just a few stuff like tak and nie (yes and no, respectively). She asks me something along the lines of, "Is it fun inside?"
I say, "Tak."
Now she says something else that I completely miss. This next section is funny only to Polish people (I've tried telling this story in person to my friends and they didn't laugh at this part like my family and everyone in Poland did. Hopefully it will be funnier to you guys in print). So she says something, I miss it, so I shrug my shoulders and say, "Ja jestem Americanski." See, this is the funny part I was telling you about. I was trying to say I'm American, but you don't say Americanski, you say Americanem. HAHA! See...funny...
I guess you shoulda have just been there.
Anyway, so I say that (feeling quite proud of saying it too), and she looks at me funny and walks away. Whatever, I go inside and as I'm about to enter the bar, a bouncer appears out of nowhere and he throws out his arm, blocking my entrance, and says something to me. I'm still fucked up, and so I totally miss what he said. I look at him, shrug my shoulders, and again say, "Ja jestem Americanski." He in reply looks at me funny, shrugs his shoulders, and opens the door for me. SCORE!
I sit down back at the table. No one seemed to have missed me (though I think I was out for a while). I do the stupidest thing and automatically take another sip of my beer upon sitting down. This is no good for my stomach. So I stand right back up and head to the bathroom, where I spend the rest of my time, trying to synchronize my throwing up noise with the toilet flushes.
My sisters come get me (by yelling at me when the bathroom door swung open) and I stagger out, acting all cool of course, though by now they all knew. Sue takes my camera and starts snapping away. I didn't care since all I wanted was a bed to sleep on. And that was basically my drunken night story. Next day was a communion for a friend's daughter we had to go to, which wasn't fun. Then at the communion reception, people kept asking me to take shots, pushing shotglasses already filled up towards me. Just the sight of them made me feel sicker.
The only other thing to mention was that Sue paid 100 zlotys for the 8 beers and 8 shots total. This is equivalent to about 33 US dollars. Fuck! Try buying 2 beers here in the city. It's like 50 bucks.
Anyway, hope you enjoy my story. Night!