(no subject)
god! everyone(except dana and amanda) is being such a fucking BITCH! saying i'm a conceded slut and i dont fucking give a shit about what they have to say and whatever. well you know what. if i didn't listen i wouldn't be crying myself to sleep EVERY night because of the terrible things i hear you all say about me. you know what. i screwed up. i know it. i take responsibility. because i'm mature enough to know and admit when i'm wrong unlike you(particularly one person) and i can let things go. i know i hurt you jessie and fuck it. i'm sorry alright. but it happened, i can't go back and change it. but im sorry that i hurt you with whatever stupid mistakes i've made. but nobody, NOBODY needs to sit there and hold a fucking grudge against me because you're to fucking immature to let it go and realize that i know i screwed up, i'm sorry, and i'm a big enough person to let it go. and i have told people the ENTIRE truth and they still do NOT think i'm a slut, or that i have problems, or that things are all my fault. so i don't understand why you continually sit there and leave nasty comments on my LJ and write me nasty notes and talk about me behind my back like we've never been friends. you guys are my BEST friends, but i dont even know how i can sit here and still think of you that way when you are calling me a slut behind my back. the only person who isn't being a bitch about this is andrea. and i thank you so much for that. shes the only one still talking to me. she knows its my mess. she can let it go. i dont get why the rest of you cant grasp that i KNOW i fucked up. come ON! i'm 16 years old. like any of you have ever not fucked up. like when we have sam come over to our house when our parents arent home and make out with him? or when we contunially break up and go out with the same guy over and over again, hurting him. you all have fucked up to. and i have never judged or held a grudge or called you anything even remotly close to a slut for it. if you all were truly my friends you wouldn't do this to me. you wouldn't have even THOUGHT of doing this. and you all haven't even TRIED talking to me. (except andrea and she beat me in spit today. lol. ::sticks tounge out::) so i dont even want to hear you putting these comments on here that i never even gave you the site to anyway, saying that you're trying to talk to me and you're trying to "help" me. help me with what huh? cutting? please. you know, it was close to 6 months since i did it. i was going for my 1 year, cured of it. i was happy. i never thought i would do it again. until all of this shit started. and NONE of you were here to talk to me. i couldn't call anyone and cry to them. because i had always come to you guys. and you weren't there. so i cried on Sam's shoulder for over an HOUR about all this. i cried because caitlin is calling me a slut and wont even LOOK at me, much less talk to me. i cried because i went to the hospital, and jessie thought the same thing, and i couldn't call her and tell her what happened. and i cried because i was going to prom and my best friend of 12+ years thinks im a slut and wont be helping me get ready for it. so thanks for thinking that of me. thanks for calling me a slut and thinking im conceided and i wont listen and whatever the hell else you care to think about me. but thanks to Amanda for being there when i was crying and making me smile every day when i didn't think i could. thanks for Bryan for calming me down and telling me that everyone is just being immature and nothing is my fault. thanks to Kensie for telling me not to worry about it and that i shouldn't think that of myself because it's not true, and for becoming a great friend. thanks to Sam for letting me cry on your shoulder for that long even though it was fucking cold. Thanks to Dana for making Algebra a class that i kind of look forward to going to, and for telling me that i'm a great person.thanks to Christopher for calling me and making suer i was alright, and still being able to let things go and make me smile. and thanks to Andrea, for being the only one in this whole circuis who is big enough to let it go and continue to be a good friend to me.