i don't update in this bullshit anymore. but i need to release some emotions. and i am not trusting any human beings with them. so here it goes
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the reason i went back and i said that shit was because someone called me and said you had said a bunch of mean shit about me and that if i read it it was gonna hurt my feelings. someone even said somethings specifically... which you didn't even really say. so i hadn't even seen what you had written. then i thought to myself "i'm going to write the meanest fucking things i could ever in my mind, think to write". later on, after i had already posted those horrible things.. i saw your first bulletin. and it didn't even say half the shit i was presuming you had written according to other people. then i saw your bulletin you had written after i wrote mine and took it down. and i thought "i just fucked myself, fuck it" and ofcourse i was playing some sort of game.. so i felt like i had to get you back. then i decided to make it to where you couldn't contact me, and took down everything i knew of that i could take down that i had said about you except for this one thing. my one journal entry. because i really had nothing to say to you but this. this is all i wanted you to see. i'm not asking you to be my friend again. i'm not expecting you to be my friend again. this is the one time i know in my heart things are never gonna blow over and be the same again. i just don't wanna feel almost obligated to say mean shit back to you. not because i'm afraid of what's being said about me, or what we have said to eachother.. but more so because i am not getting any fucking joy out of someone i used to genuinely love. there is nothing more to discuss after this. despite everything. every little fucking thing. and i'm sorry. i'm not sorry because i wanna be friends again and make everything ok. i'm sorry because i hurt you. the end. all i have is love for you... and if it ever looked any different from that.. it was because there is no happy way to deal with being hurt by someone i used to love. fuck everything else. words are just words, all i ever wanted you to know is what was in my heart. this is the hardest thing i've had to do. i wish you well.
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