(no subject)
My senior year has been amazing so far. for the first few weeks i almost felt like a freshman again.. trying things out for the first time and relearning from mistakes I've already made. this year I'm finally beginning to find a balance between activities school and me... and it's been wonderful. i think a lot about other people.. especially people in Baha'i club.. and i love them sooooo much. just thinking about them as individuals makes me so happy. i put the prayer "Create in me a pure heart..." to song and i've been singing it for the past month almost every day.. and it's made this year so much more amazing. i've been having a lot of dreams about Baha'i clubbers, so it's been fun surprising them with what they've done... it's interesting being in other people's dreams.. it's almost like your identity has done something without you lol. i've already gone through slightly different short phases this year and we haven't even been in school for two months lol. there are so many conflicting desires within me... i want to gain weight for my health's sake but i'd love a 4-pack.. i want to make myself look pretty, but i want someone to want me for who i am and not what i look like.. i want to spend more quality time with friends and really get to know people but i want to actually get my reading done on time for class. i want to be fun and random, but i want to be mature and connect with people spiritually at the same time. i want to be independent and stand tall but i want someone to stand taller.... i can see why people see nirvana as nothingness- well no desires at least :)...