Why Me?
Another wave of anxiety crushed down on me for the latter half of yesterday...which is terrible, because I was feeling so good in the morning. But then, anxiety is terrible no matter when it happens.
It's claustrophobic, cloying...it makes everything seem like it's about to take the most horrible turn possible.
I was awake tossing and turning half the night battling it, afraid that I did something which would irrepairably damage my relationship with my wonderful, beautiful boyfriend. Frustration piles on frustration because this wouldn't be the first time my anxieties ruined a relationship...but I believe that this relationship is much stronger, for several reasons. For one...this is the first man who I can honestly say I've ever begun to love, and I am very proud to say he returns the feeling. :)
And there is more hope.
Firstly, because I succeeded in dealing with the rampant emotions. Though they're still holed up a bit inside, that's mostly because I'm still slightly worried...but I know that those fears will be assuaged as soon as he greets me with that beautiful smile of his to let me know things are all right.
Secondly, he said he would always be there behind me, to support me, to help me through. He understands the problems I face, and I know he wants us to work as much as I want us to work. It's a tough battle, but not only is he worth fighting for, he's my friend and ally every step of the way...and for that, I can't thank him enough.
I'll be seeing him today, *possibly* tomorrow (dependant on money, since he'd have to commute down here)...and then on Friday, for my birthday AND our one month! :D The first of many more to come, as he's said to me.
So in short...anxiety sucks ass...
But, to quote him:
This time, it'll work. And I'll be damned if it doesn't.
:)
It's claustrophobic, cloying...it makes everything seem like it's about to take the most horrible turn possible.
I was awake tossing and turning half the night battling it, afraid that I did something which would irrepairably damage my relationship with my wonderful, beautiful boyfriend. Frustration piles on frustration because this wouldn't be the first time my anxieties ruined a relationship...but I believe that this relationship is much stronger, for several reasons. For one...this is the first man who I can honestly say I've ever begun to love, and I am very proud to say he returns the feeling. :)
And there is more hope.
Firstly, because I succeeded in dealing with the rampant emotions. Though they're still holed up a bit inside, that's mostly because I'm still slightly worried...but I know that those fears will be assuaged as soon as he greets me with that beautiful smile of his to let me know things are all right.
Secondly, he said he would always be there behind me, to support me, to help me through. He understands the problems I face, and I know he wants us to work as much as I want us to work. It's a tough battle, but not only is he worth fighting for, he's my friend and ally every step of the way...and for that, I can't thank him enough.
I'll be seeing him today, *possibly* tomorrow (dependant on money, since he'd have to commute down here)...and then on Friday, for my birthday AND our one month! :D The first of many more to come, as he's said to me.
So in short...anxiety sucks ass...
But, to quote him:
This time, it'll work. And I'll be damned if it doesn't.
:)