You weird, weird woman...
I don’t really know if this happens everywhere or if it’s just a Chilean trait, but one of the most annoying topics of conversation here are romantic relationships and children.
I live in a country where every friend, family member, acquaintance or even strangers feels with every right to make small talk regarding those topics.
For example, when I was a young girl, people asked me constantly “Well, do you have a boyfriend? *wink, wink*”. When I had a boyfriend, of course the question was “So, when are you two getting married?”. I was barely out of the church, the day I got married, when well intentioned relatives started with the MOST annoying question of all, IMO: “And when are you two going to have babies?”. Then, I got pregnant. And Connie wasn’t even born, I kid you not, when everybody was asking me when I was planning on having a little brother or sister for her.
Well, I’m not your average Chilean woman.
My goal on life WASN’T to catch a husband and most certainly I didn’t want to have kids, as I stated on this same LJ, several years ago. At that time, I didn’t think I was mommy material, and I only agreed to have kids because my husband wanted them. It didn’t seem fair to deny him this, since it was obviously so important to him. After all, I never told them I didn’t want kids before we got married.
My pregnancy was wonderful, the first months of Connie’s life were hideous (seriously. Post partum depression had me wanting to kill myself, give Connie for adoption or run away from my home!) and then I fell in love with my baby girl.
For me it was a gradual thing. The world didn’t change its axis the first moment I had her in my arms, like you can see in baby formula or diapers commercials, I didn’t feel any sort of cosmic connection, I was just depressed because my life wasn’t my own anymore and I felt trapped and overwhelmed with the huge responsibility (besides, breast feeding was one of the worst things that ever happened to me!!).
As I said, in time Connie did became the axis of my universe (she still is!) and I adore her with all my being. We have such a strong bond that sometimes it’s like we’re telepathically connected and I think she’s the most wonderful, beautiful, smart and talented little girl in all creation.
That’s mainly because I don’t really like small babies (unless they’re not mine and I get to cuddle and coo them and then deliver them to their long suffering moms, LOL!!), but I DO like kids, let’s say since they begin to walk. It’s wonderful to see them discover the world, to help them in their little adventures so important to them and I adore to teach them everything they want to know (I’m rarely bothered by Connie’s endless “why”s).
The point is, people around me are starting to pressure me into having another child. As I said, friends, relatives, acquaintances and even people I’ve barely meet. I’m not entirely opposed to have a second kid, being a mom it’s been fantastic so far (not counting, of course, the first terrible six months) and I know that Connie will need a brother or sister.
But seriously I don’t want another baby. I want to adopt an older kid, perhaps a one year old or even older. I’ve always wanted to adopt a child. My family, friends and husband have known this for a very long time and they always thought it was such a wonderful idea.
But now that it’s not a hypothetical idea for the future, but a very clear and near (I’m talking in the next two or three years) possibility… nobody seems to think it’s so fantastic any more.
My husband says “Of course I want to adopt too… just not the second child, but the fourth!” (FOUR KIDS??? What am I, a baby factory? I only want two and that’s final!). And every time I mention the idea to my friends or family, they stare at me like I’m some kind of biological freak: “But… but… what about having another baby of your own? Babies are so cute!” Or “But if you adopt a kid, it won’t be of your same blood…” or even “Aren’t you afraid of the bad genes he or she could have?”.
To answer those questions:
1.- Yes, babies are cute… when I’m not the one raising them. Babies doesn’t trigger any kind of motherly instinct in me, thanks so much.
2.- Blood doesn’t mean much to me. Of course I love my family, but I love them for who they are, not because they’re related to me. I have some blood relatives I simply can’t stand and if they and one of my cats were drowning in a pool, I’d save my cat every single time without a doubt.
3.- Bad genes? Seriously? Considering that my little sister and my younger nephew have weird genetic diseases, I’m more worried about bad genes running in my own DNA!
For now, I’ve let the subject rest with friends and family. Financially, my husband and I are in no condition to have another kid for now, and since the topic always ends in a fight every time I talk about it (only two of my closest friends thinks it’s a marvellous idea to adopt!), I guess I’ll keep my revolutionary, unnatural and un-chilean ideas to myself for a while.
Just… don’t ask me when I’m going to have another baby, please! LOL.
I live in a country where every friend, family member, acquaintance or even strangers feels with every right to make small talk regarding those topics.
For example, when I was a young girl, people asked me constantly “Well, do you have a boyfriend? *wink, wink*”. When I had a boyfriend, of course the question was “So, when are you two getting married?”. I was barely out of the church, the day I got married, when well intentioned relatives started with the MOST annoying question of all, IMO: “And when are you two going to have babies?”. Then, I got pregnant. And Connie wasn’t even born, I kid you not, when everybody was asking me when I was planning on having a little brother or sister for her.
Well, I’m not your average Chilean woman.
My goal on life WASN’T to catch a husband and most certainly I didn’t want to have kids, as I stated on this same LJ, several years ago. At that time, I didn’t think I was mommy material, and I only agreed to have kids because my husband wanted them. It didn’t seem fair to deny him this, since it was obviously so important to him. After all, I never told them I didn’t want kids before we got married.
My pregnancy was wonderful, the first months of Connie’s life were hideous (seriously. Post partum depression had me wanting to kill myself, give Connie for adoption or run away from my home!) and then I fell in love with my baby girl.
For me it was a gradual thing. The world didn’t change its axis the first moment I had her in my arms, like you can see in baby formula or diapers commercials, I didn’t feel any sort of cosmic connection, I was just depressed because my life wasn’t my own anymore and I felt trapped and overwhelmed with the huge responsibility (besides, breast feeding was one of the worst things that ever happened to me!!).
As I said, in time Connie did became the axis of my universe (she still is!) and I adore her with all my being. We have such a strong bond that sometimes it’s like we’re telepathically connected and I think she’s the most wonderful, beautiful, smart and talented little girl in all creation.
That’s mainly because I don’t really like small babies (unless they’re not mine and I get to cuddle and coo them and then deliver them to their long suffering moms, LOL!!), but I DO like kids, let’s say since they begin to walk. It’s wonderful to see them discover the world, to help them in their little adventures so important to them and I adore to teach them everything they want to know (I’m rarely bothered by Connie’s endless “why”s).
The point is, people around me are starting to pressure me into having another child. As I said, friends, relatives, acquaintances and even people I’ve barely meet. I’m not entirely opposed to have a second kid, being a mom it’s been fantastic so far (not counting, of course, the first terrible six months) and I know that Connie will need a brother or sister.
But seriously I don’t want another baby. I want to adopt an older kid, perhaps a one year old or even older. I’ve always wanted to adopt a child. My family, friends and husband have known this for a very long time and they always thought it was such a wonderful idea.
But now that it’s not a hypothetical idea for the future, but a very clear and near (I’m talking in the next two or three years) possibility… nobody seems to think it’s so fantastic any more.
My husband says “Of course I want to adopt too… just not the second child, but the fourth!” (FOUR KIDS??? What am I, a baby factory? I only want two and that’s final!). And every time I mention the idea to my friends or family, they stare at me like I’m some kind of biological freak: “But… but… what about having another baby of your own? Babies are so cute!” Or “But if you adopt a kid, it won’t be of your same blood…” or even “Aren’t you afraid of the bad genes he or she could have?”.
To answer those questions:
1.- Yes, babies are cute… when I’m not the one raising them. Babies doesn’t trigger any kind of motherly instinct in me, thanks so much.
2.- Blood doesn’t mean much to me. Of course I love my family, but I love them for who they are, not because they’re related to me. I have some blood relatives I simply can’t stand and if they and one of my cats were drowning in a pool, I’d save my cat every single time without a doubt.
3.- Bad genes? Seriously? Considering that my little sister and my younger nephew have weird genetic diseases, I’m more worried about bad genes running in my own DNA!
For now, I’ve let the subject rest with friends and family. Financially, my husband and I are in no condition to have another kid for now, and since the topic always ends in a fight every time I talk about it (only two of my closest friends thinks it’s a marvellous idea to adopt!), I guess I’ll keep my revolutionary, unnatural and un-chilean ideas to myself for a while.
Just… don’t ask me when I’m going to have another baby, please! LOL.