I can't breathe without your oxygen; my words are slurring but I won't stop singing...
So I just got off the phone with Nick not too long ago...and...sigh. I feel really happy now; not the fake happy that I tell myself and other people that I am, but actually happy. He just....he makes me smile almost the entire time we talk, and I love it.
I was reading something...and it made me stop and go, "Wait, you don't know that already?" I mean...they must know. He must know. How can he not? I've never felt like this about somebody before...Alan was nothing to me at all, a mistake if anything...Colton was a fucking moron that I never even liked that much...Michael, ugh, let's just say I don't know what I was thinking...and Zach, I've come to realize, was way more lust than love. Plus, he probably just wanted to get in my pants, since he was apparently "over me" when I wouldn't let him cheat on his girlfriend with me. FUCK ME for being such a good person. :P But...I mean...Nick is just...mmm. He's so un-fucking-believably sweet, and he makes me laugh, he gets my jokes...which is nice, considering I don't know a whole lot of smart people. xD He listens, he's amazingly talented, he treats me like a fucking goddess (i don't know why...really, i'm not that great. xD) and it doesn't hurt that he is temptatiously fucking cute.
UGH GIRL.
But you know what, I don't care. I feel like a little girl. But no...this is more than some schoolgirl crush. This is so much more than that. He needs to know, but it's just one of those things I can't say out loud....unless maybe he says it first...? I don't know, it's too hard to explain. And I don't know if I'm entirely sure that I do..well, I do...but...something like that...I need to be 100% sure to get it out in the open. It's been, what, a little over a month and already I'm feeling like I do...love him, that is. THAT'S RIGHT, I said it, love.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and to be loved in return."
Moulin Rouge is fucking awesome.
I guess I don't know where I'm going with this entry...just to get it out there that I'm feeling like this. Maybe I'm not so heartless after all....
♥