Genesis 11 - 20
I bet you all thought I had given up huh? WRONG! I just haven't had much free time for reading the bible is all.
Ok, so a lot happens in these 9 chapters, but It can all be summed up pretty easily.
Some more people are born and have kids of their own and then those kids have kids and so on until we end up with a guy named Abram who's married to his sister.
God tells Abram, "Hey, I like you kid. You've got spirit. Tell you what, you go where I say go and I'll make sure you have a good time and have a REALLY big family." But there was this hitch see... his Wife Sarai couldn't have kids.
So basically, Abram's job is to roam around the desert and tell people he's traveling with his Sister. When she gets taken to a king, because she's very beautiful, and the king tries to get freaky, God comes storming in saying, "Hey! WTF? You're about to sleep with another dude's wife. I'm gonna kick your disease ridden ass for that!" (Seriously, he does this twice)
So God and Abram play this little joke on the Pharoah of Egypt and then Abram gets to settle down for a while and eventually has a kid with his wife's maid. The maid gets all jealous and whatnot over Sarai and runs away, but God sends her back saying, "Hey, you can't just take off, you're gonna have the man's son." And so Ishmael is born.
Then God promises Abram that he's going to father many nations (again) amd Abram's like, "Yeah, but when dude? You keep saying it's going to happen, but my wife can't have kids!"
So god says, "Dude! I got it covered! Trust me. Look, just cut the foreskin off your dick and off the dicks of all your male relatives and servants and whoever else so that I'll know they're keeping to the deal. Remember, no nations unless you cut off the tip of your dick! Oh yeah, and by the way, you shouldn't go by the name Abram anymore, it's too passe. Instead, I want you to be called Abraham and Sarai should be called Sarah."
So Abraham goes along with this and cuts off his foreskin and the forekins of all his servants and relatives. And then Sarah gets preggers and has a son. HOLY SHIT!!!! He's named Issac.
And then God sends some guys to Sodom and Gamorrah who stop by Abrahams pad on their way there. And god says, "He look, these blokes are gonna go destroy those cities. Give them some good food and treat them nice for tonight." Abraham wasn't about to refuse, so he does, but he pleads with God to spare the cities if he can find just 10 faithful people in the city. Too bad for the cities that Abraham's Nephew Lot and his wife and daughters were the only faithful that could be found.
So the Angels leave Abraham's pad and head on down to Sodom where they stay the night a Lot's house. That's when things get weird. The city's entire male population comes crawling out demanding to have sex with the visitors that Lot is harboring in his house. They're about to ass rape lot and tear down the door, when the angels reveal themselves and strike everyone blind. They get Lot and his... lot... out of the city and then rain fire and brimstone down on Sodom and Gamorrah. So much for the party towns. The night-life in that region of the world has never recovered.
Lot's a freakin' pussy and runs and hides in a cave after his wife tries to watch the angel's work and gets turned into a pillar of salt for her trouble. He lives in the cave with his two daughters for a while and eventually they begin to get a little restless. Eventually they say, "Hey, there's no one here to get us off and our dad is old and dying. Let's get him drunk, have sex with him and bear his children so our family line will continue and we can finally get this major monkey off our backs." And that's just what they do.
After all that, Abraham and his wife/sister go on a little walk and sure enough, she gets taken by another king who doesn't touch her before he finds out she's married to her brother. He goes to Abe and is like, "Dude! Why you gonna be like this? You could have just said she was your wife man, no need to lie to me." And Abe is like, "Yeah right! You'd have killed me to have her. Besides, I can tell you guys don't fear God up in here." And God talks to the king and says, "Hey, Abe is a prophet and has my blessing, you fuck with him and I'll curse you and your fammily for all eternity. Don't make me angry! You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
So the king wimpers (because who wouldn't after hearing about what God did to Sodom) and gives Abraham a bunch of servants and money and his wife back and tells him he can live wherever the heck he pleases as long as he keeps God happy. And that's how the fear of God spread across the middle east.
Ok, now that my liberal interpretation of events is over, let's talk impressions.
First, I've become very aware of something important. In these early days of God and whatnot, there are a lot of people with Direct lines to God. I mean, he talks directly to a LOT of people. What I find interesting is how little information there is on how devout the lives of these people were when they weren't in direct communication with God. There isn't even a hint of it. No where does it say, "Abraham lived a very good life according to God's will." Instead, it just says that Abraham was blessed by God. BUT WHY? Why was he blessed? What did he do to deserve such a blessing? He sleeps with his sister and cons kings out their money and possessions. What part of Gods will does that fullfill? Is Abraham really that godly of a man? Is he really as pure and people would have us believe? I bet his daily life was full of sin and whatnot. The point is, we aren't given enough information to make even an educated guess about it. All we're told is how Abraham acted when under the direct supervision of God. Sure, we all act staight when the teacher is watching, but let her turn her back and see how things degrade.
Now, I understand that no great laws for man to follow have been laid down yet, but some sort of laws exist otherwise there would be no cirteria set up for what is and is not a sin. How would the people of Sodom and Gamorrah know they were wicked unless there were some rules put down somewhere? How would people know how to be faithful unless there were some instructions on how to be faithful in the first place? Where are these intstructions? Why aren't they mentioned? That's my biggest concern with this part of the story.
Ok, so a lot happens in these 9 chapters, but It can all be summed up pretty easily.
Some more people are born and have kids of their own and then those kids have kids and so on until we end up with a guy named Abram who's married to his sister.
God tells Abram, "Hey, I like you kid. You've got spirit. Tell you what, you go where I say go and I'll make sure you have a good time and have a REALLY big family." But there was this hitch see... his Wife Sarai couldn't have kids.
So basically, Abram's job is to roam around the desert and tell people he's traveling with his Sister. When she gets taken to a king, because she's very beautiful, and the king tries to get freaky, God comes storming in saying, "Hey! WTF? You're about to sleep with another dude's wife. I'm gonna kick your disease ridden ass for that!" (Seriously, he does this twice)
So God and Abram play this little joke on the Pharoah of Egypt and then Abram gets to settle down for a while and eventually has a kid with his wife's maid. The maid gets all jealous and whatnot over Sarai and runs away, but God sends her back saying, "Hey, you can't just take off, you're gonna have the man's son." And so Ishmael is born.
Then God promises Abram that he's going to father many nations (again) amd Abram's like, "Yeah, but when dude? You keep saying it's going to happen, but my wife can't have kids!"
So god says, "Dude! I got it covered! Trust me. Look, just cut the foreskin off your dick and off the dicks of all your male relatives and servants and whoever else so that I'll know they're keeping to the deal. Remember, no nations unless you cut off the tip of your dick! Oh yeah, and by the way, you shouldn't go by the name Abram anymore, it's too passe. Instead, I want you to be called Abraham and Sarai should be called Sarah."
So Abraham goes along with this and cuts off his foreskin and the forekins of all his servants and relatives. And then Sarah gets preggers and has a son. HOLY SHIT!!!! He's named Issac.
And then God sends some guys to Sodom and Gamorrah who stop by Abrahams pad on their way there. And god says, "He look, these blokes are gonna go destroy those cities. Give them some good food and treat them nice for tonight." Abraham wasn't about to refuse, so he does, but he pleads with God to spare the cities if he can find just 10 faithful people in the city. Too bad for the cities that Abraham's Nephew Lot and his wife and daughters were the only faithful that could be found.
So the Angels leave Abraham's pad and head on down to Sodom where they stay the night a Lot's house. That's when things get weird. The city's entire male population comes crawling out demanding to have sex with the visitors that Lot is harboring in his house. They're about to ass rape lot and tear down the door, when the angels reveal themselves and strike everyone blind. They get Lot and his... lot... out of the city and then rain fire and brimstone down on Sodom and Gamorrah. So much for the party towns. The night-life in that region of the world has never recovered.
Lot's a freakin' pussy and runs and hides in a cave after his wife tries to watch the angel's work and gets turned into a pillar of salt for her trouble. He lives in the cave with his two daughters for a while and eventually they begin to get a little restless. Eventually they say, "Hey, there's no one here to get us off and our dad is old and dying. Let's get him drunk, have sex with him and bear his children so our family line will continue and we can finally get this major monkey off our backs." And that's just what they do.
After all that, Abraham and his wife/sister go on a little walk and sure enough, she gets taken by another king who doesn't touch her before he finds out she's married to her brother. He goes to Abe and is like, "Dude! Why you gonna be like this? You could have just said she was your wife man, no need to lie to me." And Abe is like, "Yeah right! You'd have killed me to have her. Besides, I can tell you guys don't fear God up in here." And God talks to the king and says, "Hey, Abe is a prophet and has my blessing, you fuck with him and I'll curse you and your fammily for all eternity. Don't make me angry! You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
So the king wimpers (because who wouldn't after hearing about what God did to Sodom) and gives Abraham a bunch of servants and money and his wife back and tells him he can live wherever the heck he pleases as long as he keeps God happy. And that's how the fear of God spread across the middle east.
Ok, now that my liberal interpretation of events is over, let's talk impressions.
First, I've become very aware of something important. In these early days of God and whatnot, there are a lot of people with Direct lines to God. I mean, he talks directly to a LOT of people. What I find interesting is how little information there is on how devout the lives of these people were when they weren't in direct communication with God. There isn't even a hint of it. No where does it say, "Abraham lived a very good life according to God's will." Instead, it just says that Abraham was blessed by God. BUT WHY? Why was he blessed? What did he do to deserve such a blessing? He sleeps with his sister and cons kings out their money and possessions. What part of Gods will does that fullfill? Is Abraham really that godly of a man? Is he really as pure and people would have us believe? I bet his daily life was full of sin and whatnot. The point is, we aren't given enough information to make even an educated guess about it. All we're told is how Abraham acted when under the direct supervision of God. Sure, we all act staight when the teacher is watching, but let her turn her back and see how things degrade.
Now, I understand that no great laws for man to follow have been laid down yet, but some sort of laws exist otherwise there would be no cirteria set up for what is and is not a sin. How would the people of Sodom and Gamorrah know they were wicked unless there were some rules put down somewhere? How would people know how to be faithful unless there were some instructions on how to be faithful in the first place? Where are these intstructions? Why aren't they mentioned? That's my biggest concern with this part of the story.