Genesis 6 - 10
So this is the story of THE GREAT FLOOD. I wasn't all that impressed. Not too many life lessons to learn here. Basically God looks around decides that man's a fuckup with the notable exception of Noah, his sons and all their wives. So, he tells Noah, "get your ass to work and build an ark because I'm going to kill everything on earth that isn't in that ark," and he gives some pretty detailed instructions on excatly how to do that. So Noah builds the ark and God floods the world and a bunch of people and animals die. For 150 days, Noah floats around until he washes aground at the top of the Ararat Mountains. I say Ararat mountains and not mount Ararat because the books says Ararat mountains. Seems to me a big difference between a range and a single mountain.
So the ship runs aground, but there's still all this water everywhere so Noah grabs himself a raven and says, "go out and find me some land." So the raven goes and then, I suppose, Noah decided the raven was a bad choice to send so he sends a dove after him. The dove comes back and goes out again and comes back. The second time it comes back it's got an olive branch and that's how Noah knew the ground was free of water. So he waits a little longer just in case, then lets all the animals out.
Here's what I think's funny. He was carrying a male and female of every animal in the ark. The first thing he does after arriving on land and letting them out, is to build an alter to God and sacrifice some nice clean birds. That's right, Noah brought about some serious extinction to those birds.
So things are good and God says, "Look, I sort of lost it back there. I shouldn't have done that. Tell you what, I'm never going to flood the world and kill everyone ever again."
And Noah was like, "That's my God."
And so Noah threw himself a little party and got shitfaced and passed out naked in his tent. His youngest Son looked in the tent and saw him naked and ran off to tell his older Brothers who decided they didn't want to look at their old man's wang hanging out and tossed a blanket over him without looking at it.
Noah woke up with a serious hangover and figured out what had happened and decided this must make his youngest son some kind of pervert, so he asked God to curse all the kids sons to be servants. These guys later became the Hittites (as well as several other -ites that I can barely pronounce).
And after all that we get into some serious lineage issues with Noah, his sons and their sons and nations and all that.
One thing worth noting... the City of Babel is mentioned in the KJV, but not the NIV. I wonder why.
So like I said, all-in-all a very straight forward story without much of a lesson involved. Unless of course you're Noah or one of his sons, then it may have some more personal meaning to you. But since god said he's never flood the world again, It's not like the lesson is "Don't piss off god." Still, that seems to be a continuing theme throughout the old testament thus far.
So the ship runs aground, but there's still all this water everywhere so Noah grabs himself a raven and says, "go out and find me some land." So the raven goes and then, I suppose, Noah decided the raven was a bad choice to send so he sends a dove after him. The dove comes back and goes out again and comes back. The second time it comes back it's got an olive branch and that's how Noah knew the ground was free of water. So he waits a little longer just in case, then lets all the animals out.
Here's what I think's funny. He was carrying a male and female of every animal in the ark. The first thing he does after arriving on land and letting them out, is to build an alter to God and sacrifice some nice clean birds. That's right, Noah brought about some serious extinction to those birds.
So things are good and God says, "Look, I sort of lost it back there. I shouldn't have done that. Tell you what, I'm never going to flood the world and kill everyone ever again."
And Noah was like, "That's my God."
And so Noah threw himself a little party and got shitfaced and passed out naked in his tent. His youngest Son looked in the tent and saw him naked and ran off to tell his older Brothers who decided they didn't want to look at their old man's wang hanging out and tossed a blanket over him without looking at it.
Noah woke up with a serious hangover and figured out what had happened and decided this must make his youngest son some kind of pervert, so he asked God to curse all the kids sons to be servants. These guys later became the Hittites (as well as several other -ites that I can barely pronounce).
And after all that we get into some serious lineage issues with Noah, his sons and their sons and nations and all that.
One thing worth noting... the City of Babel is mentioned in the KJV, but not the NIV. I wonder why.
So like I said, all-in-all a very straight forward story without much of a lesson involved. Unless of course you're Noah or one of his sons, then it may have some more personal meaning to you. But since god said he's never flood the world again, It's not like the lesson is "Don't piss off god." Still, that seems to be a continuing theme throughout the old testament thus far.