(no subject)
Right now I have absolutely no word to explain the way that I feel. I am so infuriated, and I know that there really is no reason to be but the more I think about the reason that I am the more upset I get. It's like this angry/thought circle. Why do I do the things I do. He called and asked if I wanted to hang out tonight, and even though I am completely and uderlly disgusted with him right now I still said sure. WHY? I know he's a jerk(see jason_fenson's lj) I still have these crap feelings for him. I want to crawl into my bed and go to sleep, and sleep all my anger way, but like Jason always tells me...that won't help I'll just wake up and then the anger will have grown until I absolutely hate his f-in guts and I want to just yell at him for a good three hours. I know I can't really assume anything though, even tough I already have and everyone else I've talked to came to the same conclusion, I still have to ask him and I still have to hear what lame excuse he gives me. AAHHH. I just want to scream, and he's doing it again tonight, I'm so pist. 3-5 AM is when we usually hang out, but I'm sick of waiting up that late. I never should have done it in the first place. I'm so pist. I want to do the same thing to him that he's doing to me, and I want to tell him to fuck off, but I can't be that mean, I can't