queer trauma
read this.
i was joy.
do you know why i actually built the bagel? it wasn't to destroy everything. it was to destroy myself. i wanted to see if i went in, could i finally escape? like, actually die. at least this way... i don't have to do it alone.
watching EEAAO, i was one with her character. the angles of my paths are very different to hers, but i felt like they intersected at the same place. i buried my trans-ness for decades, and in its place bubbled a mix of pain and nihilistic rage not unlike jobu tupaki's. there's only so much being inexplicably unable to truly connect with other people that you can take before you succumb.
i was joy.
i guarantee you - before i folded too far inward on myself, i would have shed the tears and destroyed the multiverse to end it all. is there a greater villainy than circumstance?
i was joy.
that sentence is so tragically ironic. it twists like a snake on the tongue.
i was joy.
in the end, i'm thankful i didn't succumb. we all have different paths into the bagel; we all have different paths out of the bagel. for me, this story really did hang on joy and her trauma - terrifyingly sad, but ultimately the most relatable suffering i've seen in a movie for quite a while. stephanie hsu should have won.
i was joy.
do you know why i actually built the bagel? it wasn't to destroy everything. it was to destroy myself. i wanted to see if i went in, could i finally escape? like, actually die. at least this way... i don't have to do it alone.
watching EEAAO, i was one with her character. the angles of my paths are very different to hers, but i felt like they intersected at the same place. i buried my trans-ness for decades, and in its place bubbled a mix of pain and nihilistic rage not unlike jobu tupaki's. there's only so much being inexplicably unable to truly connect with other people that you can take before you succumb.
i was joy.
i guarantee you - before i folded too far inward on myself, i would have shed the tears and destroyed the multiverse to end it all. is there a greater villainy than circumstance?
i was joy.
that sentence is so tragically ironic. it twists like a snake on the tongue.
i was joy.
in the end, i'm thankful i didn't succumb. we all have different paths into the bagel; we all have different paths out of the bagel. for me, this story really did hang on joy and her trauma - terrifyingly sad, but ultimately the most relatable suffering i've seen in a movie for quite a while. stephanie hsu should have won.