(no subject)
I realized today that over the past 3 years I've really come to depend on human companionship. Waking up next to someone for so long instills that in you, I suppose. Not to mention I had a steady stream of available friends to do anything under the sun with and I was usually the one that was busy. I hate to admit it, but I'm just lonely. Jason's in a serious relationship with someone and that, on top of a busy school and work schedule means I get to see him maybe once a week. Ally and I don't hang out much, dunno why, but it seems to be that Jason is a mediator and he gets us all together from time to time. I guess I need to meet some people. Work would be a good place if the people I worked with weren't at least twice my age or batshit crazy.
I was watching Scrubs and eating burritos tonight...I laughed at myself because it was a lame attempt at creating that same atmosphere of happiness and comfort that I had back at the old apartment. Eating crappy food and watching like thirteen episodes of your favorite television show because you own the first 4 seasons on DVD. Or late-night marathon smoking sessions talking about nothing and everything out on the balcony. Shopping for groceries or spending money that you don't really have on something you don't really need just because you're in the moment and it makes you smile to do something as such. Good restaurants with better company. Hours of conversation always made your ice-cold beer taste that much better. Making obscenely large nacho-mountains and failing utterly at finishing them.
Not to mention I'm bored. I follow the same routine day in and day out and it never ceases to depress me. Wake up early, stumble to work, teach the kids, come home, eat mediocre food, go to bed wondering where the fuck the day went.
Oh, and if you're the praying type, keep my mom and Eldon in those prayers. He threw another clot today, which is bad, but survivable. He may be heading over to Houston. You know you're cold-hearted when you're much more worried about your Mom than you are the person who's throwing the clots. If something happened to him my mom would be in an extremely bad place. I am terrified of the day that something happens to him because of what it will do to my mom.
So all-in-all, I'm bored, lonely, worried sick and very sad.
I was watching Scrubs and eating burritos tonight...I laughed at myself because it was a lame attempt at creating that same atmosphere of happiness and comfort that I had back at the old apartment. Eating crappy food and watching like thirteen episodes of your favorite television show because you own the first 4 seasons on DVD. Or late-night marathon smoking sessions talking about nothing and everything out on the balcony. Shopping for groceries or spending money that you don't really have on something you don't really need just because you're in the moment and it makes you smile to do something as such. Good restaurants with better company. Hours of conversation always made your ice-cold beer taste that much better. Making obscenely large nacho-mountains and failing utterly at finishing them.
Not to mention I'm bored. I follow the same routine day in and day out and it never ceases to depress me. Wake up early, stumble to work, teach the kids, come home, eat mediocre food, go to bed wondering where the fuck the day went.
Oh, and if you're the praying type, keep my mom and Eldon in those prayers. He threw another clot today, which is bad, but survivable. He may be heading over to Houston. You know you're cold-hearted when you're much more worried about your Mom than you are the person who's throwing the clots. If something happened to him my mom would be in an extremely bad place. I am terrified of the day that something happens to him because of what it will do to my mom.
So all-in-all, I'm bored, lonely, worried sick and very sad.