All the world is spinning, running in circles - around me
These last few days have been really hard for me. Yesterday I was feeling so depressed I asked Val if I could go home early. Just so I could lay in bed and mope. She said I could, but it didn't work out, and I ended up staying 15 minutes longer. Oh well. Today was a little better. Well.. it started better. By the time 4:00 rolled around I was so annoyed with all my co workers, and the customers weren't helping any. I was actually really rude to a couple of them, just cuz they were acting so dumb. Oh - and Calin reminded me how much he really does irritate me. I told him that it was time for him to go the team meeting, and he says "yay.. now you can feel short staffed for awhile"... ugh.... I think that's what really set me off for the rest of the afternoon.
Treatment is still going pretty well. I've been going to the doctor every week, and my next appointment actually isn't for another 3 weeks. Unfortunately, but the time I'm all treated and better, it will have been 2 months snice I've had sex. It's really annoying me. Sometimes masturbating just doesn't do it for.. I want the real thing..
Anyways... my fourth therapist session is tomorrow night. She is putting me on an anit depressant. My appointment with the doctor for that will hopefully be on Monday. I'm honestly kind of leary going on meds... but lately.. I dunno.. maybe it'll come it handy. I've just felt so sad these last few days.
My checking account is about 400 dollars overdrawn right now. And that really sucks, cuz I have direct deposit. I'll be lucky if I get a hundred dollars this Friday. And Chris doesn't get paid till the 15th. I think we're gonna have to start donating plasma again.
The way it's looking, I think I'll be going to Coeur d Alene on March 18. We both get paid that weekend, and we need to go over to Spokane to take care of the shit in the pawn shop. Also, I think my little cousins 1st birthday is that weekend, and she's having a party at the Pizza Shoppe. If I go, that'll be the first time I've seen all my family (aunts, uncles, etc) Snice... oh... sometime before I moved to Seattle. So... along time. I don't know if I should be looking forward to it.. or regretting it. We shall see.
So, my landlord is buddhist. He's been telling me about these chants that he does, and has been asking me if I'd be interested in trying it sometime. I said sure... out of curiousity, and to learn about another religion. However, after I did the chants, I kind of feel like I betrayed God. It really tore me up. I didn't know what I was chanting, cuz it was in a different language, but some of the silent prayers were in english, and I remember one saying something about me being converted to buddhism. There's probably more to it than that, but regardless.. I still feel bad. Like I sinned. Needless to say, my chanting days are over.
The cops were at our house for about four hours the other night. Well, four to be specific, and then one stayed a little longer than the others. They are really trying to help us get James out. This guy is so fucked up. I can't even explain him.. he just makes me so mad. Ever snice they were here though, Mac has been going out of his way to make James' life miserable. It's kind of funny... but it's getting old. Fast. I just want him out. Actually - what I really want, is our own place... that we don't have to share with anyone. I'm growing tired of all this drama. Plus it has really taken a toll on our relationship. That in the no sex... *sighs* Life has been hard. It was actually really nice for awhile... there was like a three week period where we didn't argue at all. But now the last three days (including today) we've been arguing again. Don't get me wrong though.. I do love him. Tomorrow is our year and half anniversary as a matter of fact. It would be unhealthy if we agreed all the time. There's just some arguements that reaccure, and frankly... I'm tired of argueing about the same thing. No one ever wins, budges, or understands the other side. We just argue till we grow tired, and then we're in truce until the next time it's sparked. Funny how that works.
Funny how life works.
Treatment is still going pretty well. I've been going to the doctor every week, and my next appointment actually isn't for another 3 weeks. Unfortunately, but the time I'm all treated and better, it will have been 2 months snice I've had sex. It's really annoying me. Sometimes masturbating just doesn't do it for.. I want the real thing..
Anyways... my fourth therapist session is tomorrow night. She is putting me on an anit depressant. My appointment with the doctor for that will hopefully be on Monday. I'm honestly kind of leary going on meds... but lately.. I dunno.. maybe it'll come it handy. I've just felt so sad these last few days.
My checking account is about 400 dollars overdrawn right now. And that really sucks, cuz I have direct deposit. I'll be lucky if I get a hundred dollars this Friday. And Chris doesn't get paid till the 15th. I think we're gonna have to start donating plasma again.
The way it's looking, I think I'll be going to Coeur d Alene on March 18. We both get paid that weekend, and we need to go over to Spokane to take care of the shit in the pawn shop. Also, I think my little cousins 1st birthday is that weekend, and she's having a party at the Pizza Shoppe. If I go, that'll be the first time I've seen all my family (aunts, uncles, etc) Snice... oh... sometime before I moved to Seattle. So... along time. I don't know if I should be looking forward to it.. or regretting it. We shall see.
So, my landlord is buddhist. He's been telling me about these chants that he does, and has been asking me if I'd be interested in trying it sometime. I said sure... out of curiousity, and to learn about another religion. However, after I did the chants, I kind of feel like I betrayed God. It really tore me up. I didn't know what I was chanting, cuz it was in a different language, but some of the silent prayers were in english, and I remember one saying something about me being converted to buddhism. There's probably more to it than that, but regardless.. I still feel bad. Like I sinned. Needless to say, my chanting days are over.
The cops were at our house for about four hours the other night. Well, four to be specific, and then one stayed a little longer than the others. They are really trying to help us get James out. This guy is so fucked up. I can't even explain him.. he just makes me so mad. Ever snice they were here though, Mac has been going out of his way to make James' life miserable. It's kind of funny... but it's getting old. Fast. I just want him out. Actually - what I really want, is our own place... that we don't have to share with anyone. I'm growing tired of all this drama. Plus it has really taken a toll on our relationship. That in the no sex... *sighs* Life has been hard. It was actually really nice for awhile... there was like a three week period where we didn't argue at all. But now the last three days (including today) we've been arguing again. Don't get me wrong though.. I do love him. Tomorrow is our year and half anniversary as a matter of fact. It would be unhealthy if we agreed all the time. There's just some arguements that reaccure, and frankly... I'm tired of argueing about the same thing. No one ever wins, budges, or understands the other side. We just argue till we grow tired, and then we're in truce until the next time it's sparked. Funny how that works.
Funny how life works.