(no subject)
This has been an intense weekend so far. I therefore find it justafiable to attempt to explain some of it before I start the geology lab report that's taunting me. (Journaling to avoid geo writing is a common theme in September, apparently.) Thursday was an unusual FRR. We gathered/chilled in my common room for a bit before watching Wet Hot American Summer in Bronfman auditorium, and therefore basically living my dream of having a private movie screening in one of those huge theaters. Then I came home and the suite had an existential crisis, as sumarized quite well in Matt's entry. Basically, we were all musing over the idea that the typical Williams student goes from being one of the Smart Ones in high school to just being the average Williams student. Theoretically, I think this is a very good thing, and I also think the Williams environment does a good job of minimizing the negative impact of this, but it can actually be a difficult/scary prospect. Whether it's actually true or not, I went through high school feeling like everyone labeled me as one of the smart people. So then Thursday night (after a very long week, I'll add) I kind of hit this weird wall wondering, "Do people here think I'm smart?" I know this sounds silly, because really everyone here is, and further I realize it shouldn't matter what others think, but to suddenly not be placed in a particular compartment can be jarring. Am I simply another girl in class who sometimes asks dumb questions and probably talks more than she should? When people talk to me do they think I'm a good grades, does her homework type of person, or am I one of those people who just sort of manages to do fine?
This is also more the perspective I had on Thursday night, and not really how I'm sure I feel all the time. I also need to learn that the high school stereotypes don't apply. (I think I am getting better with that.) I think I was also shocked to find myself struggling with the fact that I don't know what my label is. If I'm not the smart person anymore, then what am I? And why am I worried about that at all?
After such a deep Thursday, Friday morning was the wanting to crawl into a hole feeling. I spent far too long getting far too little reading done, and then luckily by the grace of some higher power we were watching a movie in acting (I'm not sure I could've taken anything more than that). I had grand plans of going to the gym or starting this geo paper (ha), but I ended up watching Project Runway and going to dinner and then spending far too long planning my pimp costume for the evening. The party was a great success, aside from having to move locations (grr), and then we had a wonderful, albeit tired, photo shoot this morning. I think tonight I need to lay low, though, because I've got an awfully full Sunday plate. I hope I feel accomplished and good about myself after finishing this geo course, but honestly, it's making me doubt my aspirations of majoring in geosciences. :(
This is also more the perspective I had on Thursday night, and not really how I'm sure I feel all the time. I also need to learn that the high school stereotypes don't apply. (I think I am getting better with that.) I think I was also shocked to find myself struggling with the fact that I don't know what my label is. If I'm not the smart person anymore, then what am I? And why am I worried about that at all?
After such a deep Thursday, Friday morning was the wanting to crawl into a hole feeling. I spent far too long getting far too little reading done, and then luckily by the grace of some higher power we were watching a movie in acting (I'm not sure I could've taken anything more than that). I had grand plans of going to the gym or starting this geo paper (ha), but I ended up watching Project Runway and going to dinner and then spending far too long planning my pimp costume for the evening. The party was a great success, aside from having to move locations (grr), and then we had a wonderful, albeit tired, photo shoot this morning. I think tonight I need to lay low, though, because I've got an awfully full Sunday plate. I hope I feel accomplished and good about myself after finishing this geo course, but honestly, it's making me doubt my aspirations of majoring in geosciences. :(