Why Do I Worry So?: A Poem from Cuddy's POV
This poem encompasses seasons 1-4. I remember writing it, trying to pick some of the most significant moments of House and Cuddy's relationship at that time. Reading this again, I am taken back to a place that I wish I could return to again. If I could, I would continue this love story bringing about the things which made it beautiful and erase the desecration that followed.
WHY DO I WORRY SO?
Why do I worry so...
When bets go too far and Vicodin seduces you, calling your name as your body detoxes and writhes in pain. Although this battle is won for you, the war has just begun.
Why do I worry so...
When you challenge those who are much bigger than you.Your words cause chaos to those around you doing what you feel is right. I am consumed by greed. But the lives you saved in the end saved mine. Although much money was lost, you were right in the end as you always are. Thus, I chose the lesser of two evils.
Why do I worry so...
When the past returns to haunt you and guilt returns encompassing my soul. It is a past that is best forgotten, but unfortunately has left its eternal mark on you.
Why do I worry so...
When she broke your heart in a frozen moment in time only to return seeking your help for her matrimonial beloved. You may have solved this puzzle, but there are so many pieces still missing at your expense.
Why do I worry so...
When you send her away breaking her heart this time, but secretly break your own as well in the process.
Why do I worry so...
When you show me your physical scar reminding me of both your unending external and internal pain. You seek my help to rid yourself of the beast for now and I do, knowing that it's only temporary since your pain never truly disappears.
Why do I worry so...
When your words and actions come back to haunt you and bullets pierce your side and neck with the only word to me in the form of ketamine.
Why do I worry so...
When your pain is lifted and you're feeling euphoric. I've lied to you, denied you and believed in you all in the same day. What was I thinking? My senses escaped me. I watched as your pain returned, knowing you will crash and burn. Not wanting to return to that guilty place again, I confess my sins to you.
Why do I worry so...
When you test the law and fall into a dark place. Your words to me are harsh like daggers through my heart though the fault is not totally all your own as it is my cross to bear as well. You cut yourself and steal to seek relief; but you fall prey to the vulture whose desire it is to see you suffer and be caged as your stubborn nature has finally gotten the better of you.
Why do I worry so...
When incensed I beat reality into your head as now you've gone too far. When judgment day arrives, I perjure myself because I believed in you. Though you mocked my gesture, I'd still do it again.
Why do I worry so...
When I discover that cancer is eating your beautiful mind. Though devastated, I stay strong for you, since weakness and pity is not what you desire. When I hug you, I wish not to let go or be overwhelmed with emotion. Using your humor, you grab your favorite part of me and I smile. It is then in that moment where worry escapes me and all is normal. Yet, when you depart, my heart secretly aches.
Why do I worry so...
When during an inspection you break protocol and test me. With our jobs on the line, I bow to you with my faith in your abilities. You try to protect me. In the end I am spared the guillotine but my head still waits for the blade to fall one day. In the meantime, you call to set my mind at ease as you've solved the puzzle yet again. Only this time our conversation ends with an unusual exchange of goodnights as the wish pours through your voice like melted chocolate bringing me sweet dreams.
Why do I worry so...
When a crash leaves you with a serious injury for which you refuse to yield and rest until your mystery is solved. Pushed to the limit you collapse. I send someone to watch over you, but your relentless nature propels you forward. When things have calmed, I stay with you. Surprisingly, you don't resist but welcome my presence into your private sanctuary.
Why do I worry so...
When your obsession with a mystery causes your heart to stop and breath to rip from your body by your own hand. You're an idiot, but I breathe into you to try and return life to you. You awaken only to discover that your mystery is a friend's loved one.
Why do I worry so...
When you sacrifice your life for a friend by shocking your brain. You fall victim to sleep as I stand by your side exhausted and scared awaiting your blue eyes to shine into mine once again. When you awaken, you acknowledge my voice with a simple blink. For the moment I am at peace. Yet, I know you are not for your friend's love has perished as you carry the burden of blame. You wonder if he'll resent you and leave you in solitude. My hand grasps yours, so you know you're not alone as my eyes fall closed.
Why do I worry so...
Because I love you...for this is the only answer of which I know.
WHY DO I WORRY SO?
Why do I worry so...
When bets go too far and Vicodin seduces you, calling your name as your body detoxes and writhes in pain. Although this battle is won for you, the war has just begun.
Why do I worry so...
When you challenge those who are much bigger than you.Your words cause chaos to those around you doing what you feel is right. I am consumed by greed. But the lives you saved in the end saved mine. Although much money was lost, you were right in the end as you always are. Thus, I chose the lesser of two evils.
Why do I worry so...
When the past returns to haunt you and guilt returns encompassing my soul. It is a past that is best forgotten, but unfortunately has left its eternal mark on you.
Why do I worry so...
When she broke your heart in a frozen moment in time only to return seeking your help for her matrimonial beloved. You may have solved this puzzle, but there are so many pieces still missing at your expense.
Why do I worry so...
When you send her away breaking her heart this time, but secretly break your own as well in the process.
Why do I worry so...
When you show me your physical scar reminding me of both your unending external and internal pain. You seek my help to rid yourself of the beast for now and I do, knowing that it's only temporary since your pain never truly disappears.
Why do I worry so...
When your words and actions come back to haunt you and bullets pierce your side and neck with the only word to me in the form of ketamine.
Why do I worry so...
When your pain is lifted and you're feeling euphoric. I've lied to you, denied you and believed in you all in the same day. What was I thinking? My senses escaped me. I watched as your pain returned, knowing you will crash and burn. Not wanting to return to that guilty place again, I confess my sins to you.
Why do I worry so...
When you test the law and fall into a dark place. Your words to me are harsh like daggers through my heart though the fault is not totally all your own as it is my cross to bear as well. You cut yourself and steal to seek relief; but you fall prey to the vulture whose desire it is to see you suffer and be caged as your stubborn nature has finally gotten the better of you.
Why do I worry so...
When incensed I beat reality into your head as now you've gone too far. When judgment day arrives, I perjure myself because I believed in you. Though you mocked my gesture, I'd still do it again.
Why do I worry so...
When I discover that cancer is eating your beautiful mind. Though devastated, I stay strong for you, since weakness and pity is not what you desire. When I hug you, I wish not to let go or be overwhelmed with emotion. Using your humor, you grab your favorite part of me and I smile. It is then in that moment where worry escapes me and all is normal. Yet, when you depart, my heart secretly aches.
Why do I worry so...
When during an inspection you break protocol and test me. With our jobs on the line, I bow to you with my faith in your abilities. You try to protect me. In the end I am spared the guillotine but my head still waits for the blade to fall one day. In the meantime, you call to set my mind at ease as you've solved the puzzle yet again. Only this time our conversation ends with an unusual exchange of goodnights as the wish pours through your voice like melted chocolate bringing me sweet dreams.
Why do I worry so...
When a crash leaves you with a serious injury for which you refuse to yield and rest until your mystery is solved. Pushed to the limit you collapse. I send someone to watch over you, but your relentless nature propels you forward. When things have calmed, I stay with you. Surprisingly, you don't resist but welcome my presence into your private sanctuary.
Why do I worry so...
When your obsession with a mystery causes your heart to stop and breath to rip from your body by your own hand. You're an idiot, but I breathe into you to try and return life to you. You awaken only to discover that your mystery is a friend's loved one.
Why do I worry so...
When you sacrifice your life for a friend by shocking your brain. You fall victim to sleep as I stand by your side exhausted and scared awaiting your blue eyes to shine into mine once again. When you awaken, you acknowledge my voice with a simple blink. For the moment I am at peace. Yet, I know you are not for your friend's love has perished as you carry the burden of blame. You wonder if he'll resent you and leave you in solitude. My hand grasps yours, so you know you're not alone as my eyes fall closed.
Why do I worry so...
Because I love you...for this is the only answer of which I know.