(no subject)
Being a parent can be rough.
My mom is visiting for a few days. To summarize our time together has gone thusly:
Sunday: Fine. We walked around the Byward Market, ate food and had a good time.
Monday: Disaster. She unintentionally disrupted my plans, Drama Prince's routine. Things came to a head a dinner when I *screamed* at her.
Today: Fine. We went shopping. We talked.
I find it remarkable how I can love someone so much, yet burn with the desire to squeeze her face off.
As I mentioned, last night I lost my temper. After an entire day of biting my tongue while my well-intentioned mom doled out bits of advice on how I should be taking care of my son, I exploded with, "I glad you're here, but DO NOT stand in MY HOUSE and talk to me like I'm some 14-year-old babysitter who walked showed up five minutes ago. I am Drama Prince's mother. NOT YOU!"
So very, very mean. But I meant it. Then we fought more. Then we calmed down and actually started communicating.
My mom told me something that I've sort of known for a long time but I've never heard her acknowledge. She explained that her instincts drive her to constantly be concerned for the people she cares about. She's done this all of her life, often to the exclusion of taking care of herself. She's love Drama Prince and doesn't want to see him hurt or upset by anything. So her cautionary comments fall out of her mouth without thought. It's the same impulse that drives the constant stream of parental advice that flows over me, whenever she's around: Is that coat warm enough? Is that meal nutritious enough? Are you sure you want do that?
YES I AM, MOM!
I explained to my mom that I have the opposite impulses. I tend to look out for myself first. You know the in-flight safety demos where they explain the procedure should the cabin lose pressure? If the scary yellow oxygen masks drop down, you always put on your own mask first. That's my philosophy. I can't take care of anyone else if I'm not okay. So, I try to make sure I'm okay. So when someone repeatedly questions whether I'm all right, it feels insulting. YES, I'm fine! YES, I can take care of myself! What make YOU think you know what I need better than I do?
My mom wants to learn how to relax and let me be, without continually nagging at me. And I, want to learn how to stop being so defensive.
It wasn't fun, but I'm kind of glad we fought. Maybe we each understand the other a little bit better. We did have a nice conversation later in the evening. And today has been a lot better.
Ah, family. The drama continues....
My mom is visiting for a few days. To summarize our time together has gone thusly:
Sunday: Fine. We walked around the Byward Market, ate food and had a good time.
Monday: Disaster. She unintentionally disrupted my plans, Drama Prince's routine. Things came to a head a dinner when I *screamed* at her.
Today: Fine. We went shopping. We talked.
I find it remarkable how I can love someone so much, yet burn with the desire to squeeze her face off.
As I mentioned, last night I lost my temper. After an entire day of biting my tongue while my well-intentioned mom doled out bits of advice on how I should be taking care of my son, I exploded with, "I glad you're here, but DO NOT stand in MY HOUSE and talk to me like I'm some 14-year-old babysitter who walked showed up five minutes ago. I am Drama Prince's mother. NOT YOU!"
So very, very mean. But I meant it. Then we fought more. Then we calmed down and actually started communicating.
My mom told me something that I've sort of known for a long time but I've never heard her acknowledge. She explained that her instincts drive her to constantly be concerned for the people she cares about. She's done this all of her life, often to the exclusion of taking care of herself. She's love Drama Prince and doesn't want to see him hurt or upset by anything. So her cautionary comments fall out of her mouth without thought. It's the same impulse that drives the constant stream of parental advice that flows over me, whenever she's around: Is that coat warm enough? Is that meal nutritious enough? Are you sure you want do that?
YES I AM, MOM!
I explained to my mom that I have the opposite impulses. I tend to look out for myself first. You know the in-flight safety demos where they explain the procedure should the cabin lose pressure? If the scary yellow oxygen masks drop down, you always put on your own mask first. That's my philosophy. I can't take care of anyone else if I'm not okay. So, I try to make sure I'm okay. So when someone repeatedly questions whether I'm all right, it feels insulting. YES, I'm fine! YES, I can take care of myself! What make YOU think you know what I need better than I do?
My mom wants to learn how to relax and let me be, without continually nagging at me. And I, want to learn how to stop being so defensive.
It wasn't fun, but I'm kind of glad we fought. Maybe we each understand the other a little bit better. We did have a nice conversation later in the evening. And today has been a lot better.
Ah, family. The drama continues....