[video] - In which Envy's acting skills are put to the test!
[Here we see Envy (who is now dressed in simple, peasant's garb, and with his hair tied back in a loose braid) staring at the camera with a somewhat strained smile on his face. Almost as though his stomach pains him. Or something.]
Since becoming human, I've had time to sit and reflect on the error of my ways. I realize now that I've spent my entire life hurting others, and so I've decided to turn over a new leaf! In order to unburden my guilty conscience, I wish to apologize to all the people on the community I have wronged, and to ask for your forgiveness...
[The corner of Envy's mouth twitches, like there's a fishhook caught in his mouth, and someone's tugging on the line.]
Run--ah... I mean, Edward Elric... I'm sorry for all the bones I broke. And for eating you that one time... And impersonating you in front of your girlfriend. And trying to make you a human sacrifice, and kill everyone in your country, yadda yadda, whatever... [He waves one hand in a dismissive gesture.] Same for your brother. And the old man, too.
Winry Rockbell - I'm sorry for kidnapping you and forcing you to wear those embarrassing clothes. And hitting you in the face. And, uh... for impersonating you so that your boyfriend wouldn't punch me in the teeth. [He glances to one side, expression souring momentarily.] Which didn't work, by the way. [And then it's back to the camera, all smiles again!]
Naoto Shiro-whatever! - Sorry for giving you that concussion or whatever. But that was kinda your fault, too, because you should've stayed out of that fight...
Blond--Er... Klavier Gavin - Sorry for always screwing around with you and yanking your chain just because my brother is sweet on you~♥ And for that one time I impersonated you in front of him, and probably ruined your wonderful sex life forever! [Okay, the fake smile is almost a smirk at that...]
Battle Butler. Ah... wait, I know this one! The de Killer guy! Sorry for calling you Battle Butler all the time. And giving you a hard time about being Greed's slave or whatever.
Uh... Who else is there? Oh, yeah! Lavi. Yeah... Sorry for trying to kill you that one time. And for always being such a jerk to you. And never saying "thank you" when you do nice things for me. [Envy scratches the back of his head, looking a bit embarrassed.] And for always calling you a moron and stuff...
Hah... [Envy's brows furrow, and he drags a hand across his face.] I'm sure there's a couple more I'm forgetting... [Under his breath.] Shit, how am I supposed to remember every insignificant little person I've ever pissed off? Fuck it. If I did something to you, and you don't see your name here, then just say the word! I'll make it up to you somehow~♥ [Insert super sugary fake smile here!]
And so, just to prove the pure sincerity of my actions, I am ready and willing to perform a single favor to those people who have suffered because of my careless actions. So long as that favor doesn't require me to harm another person, or myself, then I will gladly carry it out!
[His left eye twitches a bit as his smile widens. It looks more like a grimace than a grin.]
And just so you won't think this is all some elaborate prank on my part, you can just ask Greed, and he'll vouch for me! Because everyone knows that there's... No. Way. He'd. Ever. Lie. Riiiiiiiight? [As Envy stares down into the camera, one can imagine he's throttling the cell phone in lieu of throttling the Homunculus responsible for his current humiliation...] So help me, Greed, if you make me do this over again, I'm gonna--
[Before Envy can finish his tirade, the feed mercifully cuts out.]
[And a couple hours later, the camera clicks on again. Envy is visibly grumpy, and doesn't even bother putting on a fake smile...]
Seems as though I made an egregious error in my earlier apology.
First off, I'd like to apologize to Alphonse Elric for not addressing him separately from his brother. I'm sorry for beating up on your brother all the time and smacking around your friends and stuff. And I'm sorry for making you buy me all those parfaits when you were virused that one time and taking advantage of your kindness. Wait, do viruses count...? Whatever! Oh yeah! And sorry for all the times I called you tin can and generally made fun of you for being made of metal and stuff. And for trying to make you a human sacrifice and destroying your country, you know the drill...
[Envy looks as though he's getting bored. He twirls one hand in a "hurry up" gesture.]
Oh yeah, and Greed wants me to let you all know that he and Klavier are totally not butt-fucking. [Envy grins conspiratorially at the camera.] Totally. Also, I should apologize for even insinuating such a thing, because it's an awful, horrible, dirty lie~♥ Oh! And I'm sorry for threatening to kill you, and then pretending that I did kill you, just to get a rise out of Greed. My bad~♥
And now, to my dearest brother, Greed... Since he feels himself entitled to the biggest apology of all, being the greedy bastard that he is... I'm sorry for demolishing your bar. Twice. I'm sorry for screwing around with your employees, playmates, fuck-buddies, slaves, servants, friends, possessions, and what have you on too many occasions to count. I'm sorry for trying to impersonate you and slander your good name in front of aforementioned employees-slash-possessions, et cetera, and what-the-fuck-ever. I'm sorry for hitting girls in front of you. I'm sorry for exploiting your policy on not hitting girls, just to save my sorry ass. I'm sorry for all the bad things I've said to your face... and behind your back. I'm sorry for always threatening your friends-slash-possessions-slash-whatever. I'm sorry for always trying to start shit with you just because I enjoy seeing you get pissed off. But most of all...
[Envy glares at the camera, holding one hand up, and clenching it into a fist.]
...I'm sorry that I didn't go all out and kill you when I had the chance. [And now it's all smiles again!] So, that's my time for today folks! And if you're tired of looking at this gorgeous face, you know who to blame~♥ [Envy whispers behind his hand.]It's Greed, in case you didn't figure that out.
Bye-Bye now!
[The feed cuts out once more. Hopefully for the last time...]
((OOC: As a result of this thread, Greed is forcing Envy to apologize to everyone he's ever pissed off on the comm, and to perform one favor for them. In exchange, Greed has promised hold off on killing Envy for a month. Yeah, this is going to be fun~♥))
Since becoming human, I've had time to sit and reflect on the error of my ways. I realize now that I've spent my entire life hurting others, and so I've decided to turn over a new leaf! In order to unburden my guilty conscience, I wish to apologize to all the people on the community I have wronged, and to ask for your forgiveness...
[The corner of Envy's mouth twitches, like there's a fishhook caught in his mouth, and someone's tugging on the line.]
Run--ah... I mean, Edward Elric... I'm sorry for all the bones I broke. And for eating you that one time... And impersonating you in front of your girlfriend. And trying to make you a human sacrifice, and kill everyone in your country, yadda yadda, whatever... [He waves one hand in a dismissive gesture.] Same for your brother. And the old man, too.
Winry Rockbell - I'm sorry for kidnapping you and forcing you to wear those embarrassing clothes. And hitting you in the face. And, uh... for impersonating you so that your boyfriend wouldn't punch me in the teeth. [He glances to one side, expression souring momentarily.] Which didn't work, by the way. [And then it's back to the camera, all smiles again!]
Naoto Shiro-whatever! - Sorry for giving you that concussion or whatever. But that was kinda your fault, too, because you should've stayed out of that fight...
Blond--Er... Klavier Gavin - Sorry for always screwing around with you and yanking your chain just because my brother is sweet on you~♥ And for that one time I impersonated you in front of him, and probably ruined your wonderful sex life forever! [Okay, the fake smile is almost a smirk at that...]
Battle Butler. Ah... wait, I know this one! The de Killer guy! Sorry for calling you Battle Butler all the time. And giving you a hard time about being Greed's slave or whatever.
Uh... Who else is there? Oh, yeah! Lavi. Yeah... Sorry for trying to kill you that one time. And for always being such a jerk to you. And never saying "thank you" when you do nice things for me. [Envy scratches the back of his head, looking a bit embarrassed.] And for always calling you a moron and stuff...
Hah... [Envy's brows furrow, and he drags a hand across his face.] I'm sure there's a couple more I'm forgetting... [Under his breath.] Shit, how am I supposed to remember every insignificant little person I've ever pissed off? Fuck it. If I did something to you, and you don't see your name here, then just say the word! I'll make it up to you somehow~♥ [Insert super sugary fake smile here!]
And so, just to prove the pure sincerity of my actions, I am ready and willing to perform a single favor to those people who have suffered because of my careless actions. So long as that favor doesn't require me to harm another person, or myself, then I will gladly carry it out!
[His left eye twitches a bit as his smile widens. It looks more like a grimace than a grin.]
And just so you won't think this is all some elaborate prank on my part, you can just ask Greed, and he'll vouch for me! Because everyone knows that there's... No. Way. He'd. Ever. Lie. Riiiiiiiight? [As Envy stares down into the camera, one can imagine he's throttling the cell phone in lieu of throttling the Homunculus responsible for his current humiliation...] So help me, Greed, if you make me do this over again, I'm gonna--
[Before Envy can finish his tirade, the feed mercifully cuts out.]
[And a couple hours later, the camera clicks on again. Envy is visibly grumpy, and doesn't even bother putting on a fake smile...]
Seems as though I made an egregious error in my earlier apology.
First off, I'd like to apologize to Alphonse Elric for not addressing him separately from his brother. I'm sorry for beating up on your brother all the time and smacking around your friends and stuff. And I'm sorry for making you buy me all those parfaits when you were virused that one time and taking advantage of your kindness. Wait, do viruses count...? Whatever! Oh yeah! And sorry for all the times I called you tin can and generally made fun of you for being made of metal and stuff. And for trying to make you a human sacrifice and destroying your country, you know the drill...
[Envy looks as though he's getting bored. He twirls one hand in a "hurry up" gesture.]
Oh yeah, and Greed wants me to let you all know that he and Klavier are totally not butt-fucking. [Envy grins conspiratorially at the camera.] Totally. Also, I should apologize for even insinuating such a thing, because it's an awful, horrible, dirty lie~♥ Oh! And I'm sorry for threatening to kill you, and then pretending that I did kill you, just to get a rise out of Greed. My bad~♥
And now, to my dearest brother, Greed... Since he feels himself entitled to the biggest apology of all, being the greedy bastard that he is... I'm sorry for demolishing your bar. Twice. I'm sorry for screwing around with your employees, playmates, fuck-buddies, slaves, servants, friends, possessions, and what have you on too many occasions to count. I'm sorry for trying to impersonate you and slander your good name in front of aforementioned employees-slash-possessions, et cetera, and what-the-fuck-ever. I'm sorry for hitting girls in front of you. I'm sorry for exploiting your policy on not hitting girls, just to save my sorry ass. I'm sorry for all the bad things I've said to your face... and behind your back. I'm sorry for always threatening your friends-slash-possessions-slash-whatever. I'm sorry for always trying to start shit with you just because I enjoy seeing you get pissed off. But most of all...
[Envy glares at the camera, holding one hand up, and clenching it into a fist.]
...I'm sorry that I didn't go all out and kill you when I had the chance. [And now it's all smiles again!] So, that's my time for today folks! And if you're tired of looking at this gorgeous face, you know who to blame~♥ [Envy whispers behind his hand.]It's Greed, in case you didn't figure that out.
Bye-Bye now!
[The feed cuts out once more. Hopefully for the last time...]
((OOC: As a result of this thread, Greed is forcing Envy to apologize to everyone he's ever pissed off on the comm, and to perform one favor for them. In exchange, Greed has promised hold off on killing Envy for a month. Yeah, this is going to be fun~♥))