Vampires and Letters
"Find balance in the midst of a storm,"
Wednesday, Mar 4th, 2009 -- Today you may have the chance to express yourself in a variety of ways, yet once you get started you realize that it's more complicated than you anticipated. Nevertheless, it's still a bad idea to withdraw at this time. You may not be able to see the immediate impact of what you're doing, but it will make a lot more sense as time moves on. Don't over-analyze what's happening; for now you really don't need to know all the details.
Vampires were in a sense created by people. They are people, there are differently human vampires. People who seem to put another under a hypnotic spell. Sucking the very essence of that person out of them using them, manipulating them. Taking and taking, like taking their blood, their lives. Making that person feel the need to continuously give, because so long as they give, the one they want will stay in their lives. Vampires use their beauty, coyness, manipulation to take and escape before being caught, or if they are caught, the damage to the victim is already done. They are so loved by the ones who feed them, put on a pedestal if you will, but they are not good for their victims, they continue to take and think of only themselves. If one should have an incling of a concious, then they will then throw the victim a bone, perhaps free them, or stay with them to keep feeding their own needs, yet telling themselves its for the good of the victim. How would the victim live without them in their lives. This is a totally new take on the situation with Matt, with even Manda. They are human vampires. They were sucking the life out of me, him especially. It all makes sense now! Fuck, Matt even looks like a vampire. He's got the black hair, pale blue eyes, pale skin. He could be a vampire, taking and taking and taking from me all the time. I wished for a click to go of, for me to have that Ah-Ha moment where I would finally be able to undertand and it happened today in Creative Writing. When Bryan brought up the vampires, I had that Ah-Ha moment. It all makes sense to me, he is a vampire. He has the meaningless bullshit in his life, he is all about himself and takes and takes whatever he can get without having to give back to anyone. He takes the sex, the booze, he takes the bullshit because it all fills him up, and he has to give nothing back. He has become a fucking Vampire! You were literally sucking the life out of me! My love, my heart, my self-respect, my trust, my dignity, my morals, my standards for what a partner should be. I made excuses, and continued the uneven balance because I felt the need to give to you. If I gave I would be loved by you, and that's not how love should be at all. Your a vampire in the truest sense of the meaning. I love vampires, they are sexy, fun, dangerous, and enchanting. You can love them so much, but at the end of the day, they are still living of of you. They are still taking your energy and your love and giving nothing back but pain and emptiness. You took the Sam out of Samantha, and I let you, I was under a fucking spell that I cast on myself. It's as though the spell the enchantment, the glamour, what have you, has been lifted from my eyes. There is no epitomy of happiness with this statement, it's still tinged with sadness. Because I do love you, and youe are just NOT GOOD FOR ME AT ALL!! You once said that she is the female version of you, and I didn't want to believe it, but it IS TRUE! She is the female version of you, she is an empty sucking slut who continues to take and gives nothing back but anguish and heartache and self-doubt to the victim. You have become the male version of Kristen, and that make me cry. It's so sad, that this is who you've become, so empty and fucked up and unable to give back to the people that love you. A cold blood sucking vampire, and I still love you even though you were terrible, are terrible. You are all about you, taking form everyone else, and what is it that you hope for. Contenment, fufillment from this empty existence that you seek life from? When you look in the mirror, do you see anything that resembles who you used to be. Again, like a fucking vampire, because they are EMPTY inside, that's why they didn't see anything, because all they are is bits of the victims that they've had. All the women you sleep with, empty fuck after empty fuck, it's like feeding off their energy to give you some sense of satisfaction, being able to be full for that instant, like being full of someone's blood. It's when you get drunk, and are lost in the moment, that's all vampires have. Fleeting moments of a shadow of life, life that they can never truly have or have again. They have become shells, shadows of the humans they once were. The image of a person once loved so dearly and trusted with hearts and hopes for the future and dreams. Now, nothing, that's what you've become, a nothing. You feel it too, deep inside don't you vampire. You hate yourself because, this is what you became by choice. And too late you look back at the chaos and destruction you've caused and wish to G-d that you could be the person your victims fantisized that you were. The glamour is gone, and with this I can see, you what I love, were so fucking awful for me and to me. Look at Floppie, time and time again he gave her money, time, patience, love, understand and warmth. And she just glamoured him, told him what he wanted to here, took it all and in reality gave nothing back but heartache and disspointment. All you gave back to me was heartache and dissapointment. Why the fuck would I want to see you? You who took and took from me, what made me myself, you who hurt me time and time again, all for your fucking thrill. I was so in love and blinded, I was completly under a spell, a lie that I told myself. That if I just kept giving, you would open your eyes and see me and that would be enough and I would recieve what I gave back to you. That's never going to happen though, you as you are, will never be able to be there for anyone but yourself you fucking blood sucker. If even your friends back home are telling me that I'm better of without you, that yeah I'm weak now because I was in love, but you are an asshole and I bring more to the table then you, what the fuck does that say. Do you believe the bullshit that they give you on facebook while your away. Do your honestly believe that the wiggle room you've been granted because your overseas is going to be here when you give back. That your boys will give you their friendships again so that you can just continue to take from them, becuase, hell, as long as your happy that's all that matters. How absolutely pathetic, how empty are you that you are satisfied with that. I'm so much more, I'm so much stronger, and I have fucking shields to defend me from you and all that you represent. There is no bliss from this epitamy, there is no anguish. It's a mixture of happy and sad, yin and yang. A balance, look at that I've found balance from all this. From heartbreak, from you and all that you gave.
If I am willing to let go of the ego of the past, of how you humiltated me, made me think that it was my fault and I wasn't enough. None of that is true, and yes I never thought that you would leave me. I always believed that if anything, I would leave you, because you love me so much that you would never hurt me. Not only are you capable of hurting me, you DID hurt me. You did the worst thing in the world, knowing how it would devastate me, and you didn't care. Or you were so caught up in yourself, that you only cared about how you felt, what happened to you. Well congratulations, becuase now you are without me. Whatever is meant to happen will happen, I can't protect you from what is to come, nor stop what is to come to me. I will grow and learn and become stronger from all this. I will change and evolve into the woman I was meant to be. You vampire, cannot have my heart or energy anymore. I was feeding you, giving you so much and you gave nothing in return. For what, to be humilated, heartbroken, dissapointed. To have to remember your empty promises, the friendship we had in high school and how that blossomed into a greater love then I could ever imagine. Here's the thing, that was love, without me taking the best of it. Of having someone take care of you when your sick, of having your best friend as your lover, I did have, but I was always so afraid to be hurt I tried to keep you at arms length to no avail. So again, I need to say it clear, I forgive you. Not for your sake, but for my own, so that I can be free and move on with my life. I'm able to breathe clear, I am forced to see the logic, although how that logic came back to vampires...meh...it's me ^.^.
So indeed you were my personal vampire, taking from me my life and love. So I will fly away and stop the pain that you caused. Three months not a word, not a whisper or glance from you. Fucking asshole! Fucking, fucking, fucking douchebag not worth my time asshole!
The reason I am able to compare you to vampires, is because I love vampires. They are sexy, dangerous, seductive, lethal, powerful and evil. They are completely taboo, thus they are amazing to me because the thought that something, that someone can be that selfish, that self-serving is inconcievable to me. Yet they exist, and in their empty shallow hearts the find happniess and contement. They will be damned to hell, they have no real friendships or relationships, no depth to any meaning at all besides the momen, the lust, the material satisfaction. They are beautiful and cunning and manipultative and you want to love them, you want them to love you. If they love you it means that you are special, so special that something that disgusting loves you so much, enough to change for you. In the end though, they wont change, at the end of the day, they are still a monster and you a victim. For as long as you allow them to hold you in a spell, in glamour, then you will be feeding them. I am able to compare you to a vampire now because something that I love, something exciting and dangerous and sexy is fun. But I don't want just fun, I want depth, meaning, sincerety, loyalty, compassion, love, and so much more. I want more than just a monster who can make me feel special when he decides to be nice to me. You weren't like this before, but you were turned, you turned into a vampire. You go of with your whore, you go of with your bullshit and lies. In the end, I will be the victor, I will be free and wonderful and whole. While you will be the shell of the vampire the empty and lonely husk of the man I once loved. If anything good I have such inspiration now!
Wednesday, Mar 4th, 2009 -- Today you may have the chance to express yourself in a variety of ways, yet once you get started you realize that it's more complicated than you anticipated. Nevertheless, it's still a bad idea to withdraw at this time. You may not be able to see the immediate impact of what you're doing, but it will make a lot more sense as time moves on. Don't over-analyze what's happening; for now you really don't need to know all the details.
Vampires were in a sense created by people. They are people, there are differently human vampires. People who seem to put another under a hypnotic spell. Sucking the very essence of that person out of them using them, manipulating them. Taking and taking, like taking their blood, their lives. Making that person feel the need to continuously give, because so long as they give, the one they want will stay in their lives. Vampires use their beauty, coyness, manipulation to take and escape before being caught, or if they are caught, the damage to the victim is already done. They are so loved by the ones who feed them, put on a pedestal if you will, but they are not good for their victims, they continue to take and think of only themselves. If one should have an incling of a concious, then they will then throw the victim a bone, perhaps free them, or stay with them to keep feeding their own needs, yet telling themselves its for the good of the victim. How would the victim live without them in their lives. This is a totally new take on the situation with Matt, with even Manda. They are human vampires. They were sucking the life out of me, him especially. It all makes sense now! Fuck, Matt even looks like a vampire. He's got the black hair, pale blue eyes, pale skin. He could be a vampire, taking and taking and taking from me all the time. I wished for a click to go of, for me to have that Ah-Ha moment where I would finally be able to undertand and it happened today in Creative Writing. When Bryan brought up the vampires, I had that Ah-Ha moment. It all makes sense to me, he is a vampire. He has the meaningless bullshit in his life, he is all about himself and takes and takes whatever he can get without having to give back to anyone. He takes the sex, the booze, he takes the bullshit because it all fills him up, and he has to give nothing back. He has become a fucking Vampire! You were literally sucking the life out of me! My love, my heart, my self-respect, my trust, my dignity, my morals, my standards for what a partner should be. I made excuses, and continued the uneven balance because I felt the need to give to you. If I gave I would be loved by you, and that's not how love should be at all. Your a vampire in the truest sense of the meaning. I love vampires, they are sexy, fun, dangerous, and enchanting. You can love them so much, but at the end of the day, they are still living of of you. They are still taking your energy and your love and giving nothing back but pain and emptiness. You took the Sam out of Samantha, and I let you, I was under a fucking spell that I cast on myself. It's as though the spell the enchantment, the glamour, what have you, has been lifted from my eyes. There is no epitomy of happiness with this statement, it's still tinged with sadness. Because I do love you, and youe are just NOT GOOD FOR ME AT ALL!! You once said that she is the female version of you, and I didn't want to believe it, but it IS TRUE! She is the female version of you, she is an empty sucking slut who continues to take and gives nothing back but anguish and heartache and self-doubt to the victim. You have become the male version of Kristen, and that make me cry. It's so sad, that this is who you've become, so empty and fucked up and unable to give back to the people that love you. A cold blood sucking vampire, and I still love you even though you were terrible, are terrible. You are all about you, taking form everyone else, and what is it that you hope for. Contenment, fufillment from this empty existence that you seek life from? When you look in the mirror, do you see anything that resembles who you used to be. Again, like a fucking vampire, because they are EMPTY inside, that's why they didn't see anything, because all they are is bits of the victims that they've had. All the women you sleep with, empty fuck after empty fuck, it's like feeding off their energy to give you some sense of satisfaction, being able to be full for that instant, like being full of someone's blood. It's when you get drunk, and are lost in the moment, that's all vampires have. Fleeting moments of a shadow of life, life that they can never truly have or have again. They have become shells, shadows of the humans they once were. The image of a person once loved so dearly and trusted with hearts and hopes for the future and dreams. Now, nothing, that's what you've become, a nothing. You feel it too, deep inside don't you vampire. You hate yourself because, this is what you became by choice. And too late you look back at the chaos and destruction you've caused and wish to G-d that you could be the person your victims fantisized that you were. The glamour is gone, and with this I can see, you what I love, were so fucking awful for me and to me. Look at Floppie, time and time again he gave her money, time, patience, love, understand and warmth. And she just glamoured him, told him what he wanted to here, took it all and in reality gave nothing back but heartache and disspointment. All you gave back to me was heartache and dissapointment. Why the fuck would I want to see you? You who took and took from me, what made me myself, you who hurt me time and time again, all for your fucking thrill. I was so in love and blinded, I was completly under a spell, a lie that I told myself. That if I just kept giving, you would open your eyes and see me and that would be enough and I would recieve what I gave back to you. That's never going to happen though, you as you are, will never be able to be there for anyone but yourself you fucking blood sucker. If even your friends back home are telling me that I'm better of without you, that yeah I'm weak now because I was in love, but you are an asshole and I bring more to the table then you, what the fuck does that say. Do you believe the bullshit that they give you on facebook while your away. Do your honestly believe that the wiggle room you've been granted because your overseas is going to be here when you give back. That your boys will give you their friendships again so that you can just continue to take from them, becuase, hell, as long as your happy that's all that matters. How absolutely pathetic, how empty are you that you are satisfied with that. I'm so much more, I'm so much stronger, and I have fucking shields to defend me from you and all that you represent. There is no bliss from this epitamy, there is no anguish. It's a mixture of happy and sad, yin and yang. A balance, look at that I've found balance from all this. From heartbreak, from you and all that you gave.
If I am willing to let go of the ego of the past, of how you humiltated me, made me think that it was my fault and I wasn't enough. None of that is true, and yes I never thought that you would leave me. I always believed that if anything, I would leave you, because you love me so much that you would never hurt me. Not only are you capable of hurting me, you DID hurt me. You did the worst thing in the world, knowing how it would devastate me, and you didn't care. Or you were so caught up in yourself, that you only cared about how you felt, what happened to you. Well congratulations, becuase now you are without me. Whatever is meant to happen will happen, I can't protect you from what is to come, nor stop what is to come to me. I will grow and learn and become stronger from all this. I will change and evolve into the woman I was meant to be. You vampire, cannot have my heart or energy anymore. I was feeding you, giving you so much and you gave nothing in return. For what, to be humilated, heartbroken, dissapointed. To have to remember your empty promises, the friendship we had in high school and how that blossomed into a greater love then I could ever imagine. Here's the thing, that was love, without me taking the best of it. Of having someone take care of you when your sick, of having your best friend as your lover, I did have, but I was always so afraid to be hurt I tried to keep you at arms length to no avail. So again, I need to say it clear, I forgive you. Not for your sake, but for my own, so that I can be free and move on with my life. I'm able to breathe clear, I am forced to see the logic, although how that logic came back to vampires...meh...it's me ^.^.
So indeed you were my personal vampire, taking from me my life and love. So I will fly away and stop the pain that you caused. Three months not a word, not a whisper or glance from you. Fucking asshole! Fucking, fucking, fucking douchebag not worth my time asshole!
The reason I am able to compare you to vampires, is because I love vampires. They are sexy, dangerous, seductive, lethal, powerful and evil. They are completely taboo, thus they are amazing to me because the thought that something, that someone can be that selfish, that self-serving is inconcievable to me. Yet they exist, and in their empty shallow hearts the find happniess and contement. They will be damned to hell, they have no real friendships or relationships, no depth to any meaning at all besides the momen, the lust, the material satisfaction. They are beautiful and cunning and manipultative and you want to love them, you want them to love you. If they love you it means that you are special, so special that something that disgusting loves you so much, enough to change for you. In the end though, they wont change, at the end of the day, they are still a monster and you a victim. For as long as you allow them to hold you in a spell, in glamour, then you will be feeding them. I am able to compare you to a vampire now because something that I love, something exciting and dangerous and sexy is fun. But I don't want just fun, I want depth, meaning, sincerety, loyalty, compassion, love, and so much more. I want more than just a monster who can make me feel special when he decides to be nice to me. You weren't like this before, but you were turned, you turned into a vampire. You go of with your whore, you go of with your bullshit and lies. In the end, I will be the victor, I will be free and wonderful and whole. While you will be the shell of the vampire the empty and lonely husk of the man I once loved. If anything good I have such inspiration now!