Letters to all
Dear Universe,
I just wanted to say thank you for all that you are doing for me. For helping me see that I am strong and whole. For allowing me this chance to love myself and learn who I am. I am grateful for my family and friends. For the education I've been given and will continue to learn. Both in acaemia and in life and in love. I know that I am impatient, and I wish to know all, I wish to understand what has happened and why I had to fall. I am glad to know that I am learning everyday, that it's not easy and it's because I struggle so hard against myself that I am the reason I am not happy yet. I have to be grateful for the life I've been granted, of this journey I've discovered. I am so happy and grateful that I can be me, a me without him. She's wonderful and brillant and smart and has so much love to give. I am grateful to know that I'll be alright, that I do not have to worry or think about him.
Hi Cali,
So...I've basically been scolded, lectured and yelled at by everyone in my life. I get that they love me and are frustrated for my sake. That they just want me to be whole, and honestly that's what I wish as well. So why the heck do I still worry about him and think about him so much. I've heard that a lot of his friends are acting like nothing's wrong now, that it's all fine etc. I guess I'm dissapointed to hear that. I was wishing that he would have to face what he has done not only to me but to everyone.
I honestly feel inlined with the universe when I wish for things for myself and take care of myself. I wont let him or anyone else stop me from living my life but am I doing that right? I
Hi Cali,
I've been thinking alot about what you said, that I can't stop him from living my life. That I have to just Do It already, even the consuler at school yelled at me as well. I don't know what I'm supposed to do to just get to that point where I can say "oaky, I understand all of this now and I'm happy and whole without him."
Friends of mine who do know him, who have talked to him told me that he isn't thinking of me at all, that he's completly wrapped up into himself. I just want to kow if I'm doing anything right at all???
I've also been told that a lot of his friends, from the look at facebook at least are acting like everything is fine and no one is mad or anything. That it's been all swept under the rug. I guess I'm dissappointed, becaues I was hoping that he would have to face what he's done not only to me, but to the friends he's hurt.
I feel in-lined with the universe when I'm taking care of me. When I'm focusing on me and not worrying about him at all. When I put myself first and foremost, when I take care of what I need to get done. This is what I'm supposed to do. What EVERYONE has said to do from the start, put the spot light on me and do what I need to do for me. I have no control over what happens to him or what he does. I have no say in it, no matter how much I worry or concern myself. Even John is saying it to me, yet again, he's lost in himself. All he cares and thinks about is him. All that matters to him is how he feels and what he's doing for him. I am not even in mind, it's all about what Matt can do for Matt. Congratulations fucktard, I'm so fucking proud of you, that your still putting yourself as the priority. I say it, my friends and family say it as well. I'm ten times the woman she could ever hope to be. I'm ten times more than you could ever hope to be. I have so much love and support from all my friends and family. I know that they mean well when they push me forward, push me upwards and onwards with my life. I really do wish the best for John, I wish that he moves on with his life, maybe this girl is the answer to that, who the fuck knows? I doubt it, I think that she's using him so that she doesnt' have to deal with her own fucking divorce. Whatever, it's been since last Friday, and he's going on about how when they step in a room, even with her husband, they assume that he's with her and not the other way around...again, FOCUSING ON ME. I do feel better when I'm taking care of myself, when I'm holding onto myself and putting MY needs and MY wishes first. I hit that low when I realized what I've lost, okay...well here I am. Still alive, doing better, I don't think that I can talk to John so much about it, because he's so caught up in the joy that he and Kim share.
Right so BACK ON TO ME.