Soul Searching.
I've been doing alot of thinking lately due to a strange Tarot reading/therapy session with a friend earlier tonight.
My life is in such good balance right now - I'm happy, busy, solid, and sure of who I am. There are little bumps and roadblocks, but overall everything is pretty stable right now. But maybe that's not even the best thing...maybe I need to embrace disorder a bit more.
I started thinking about what I wanted...and I want to find someone who is just as assured and grounded and happy as I am, so the two of us can take hold of each other and dive into the chaos together.
Also, a friendship that has really started to fall apart is bothering me more than I thought...we used to KNOW each other and now, it's like we're strangers. I can't penetrate his thoughts anymore...we're not riding the same wavelength. I don't know why this strikes me as such a tragedy. I guess its because I like having somebody in my head, somebody who can see parts of me that I cannot.
I am two different kinds of happy at school and at home. At home, I'm USEFUL. People need my help, and I love to give it. I can add something, I can improve something...I am tied to those around me by a web of responsibility and connection, but I like it - I'm on a team. But here at school I'm flying entirely solo. No one needs my help - they're all off on their own adventures, and they can take care of themselves. So here, there's so much POTENTIAL - I'm free to pursue whatever I wish, to explore and grow and reach without worrying about who I might disappoint or where I'm needed - the only one I need to take care of is myself.
I saw a play adaptation of Like Water for Chocolate tonight...I was so disappointed when Tita ended up with the "sexy asshole" Pedro. I was so excited at the appearence of Jon Brown - he was kind, funny, and rather passionate himself, with his firecracker story. Instead she sexes up the asshole and dies. Nice.
How do I find what I'm looking for when I have no idea what it looks like? Or what to do with it? Or even where to begin searching?
Banish fear, work hard, and smile. Courage dear. Courage, dear. Let inspiration come and lead you by the nose like a bull, and hope it won't strand you in a stange land.
My life is in such good balance right now - I'm happy, busy, solid, and sure of who I am. There are little bumps and roadblocks, but overall everything is pretty stable right now. But maybe that's not even the best thing...maybe I need to embrace disorder a bit more.
I started thinking about what I wanted...and I want to find someone who is just as assured and grounded and happy as I am, so the two of us can take hold of each other and dive into the chaos together.
Also, a friendship that has really started to fall apart is bothering me more than I thought...we used to KNOW each other and now, it's like we're strangers. I can't penetrate his thoughts anymore...we're not riding the same wavelength. I don't know why this strikes me as such a tragedy. I guess its because I like having somebody in my head, somebody who can see parts of me that I cannot.
I am two different kinds of happy at school and at home. At home, I'm USEFUL. People need my help, and I love to give it. I can add something, I can improve something...I am tied to those around me by a web of responsibility and connection, but I like it - I'm on a team. But here at school I'm flying entirely solo. No one needs my help - they're all off on their own adventures, and they can take care of themselves. So here, there's so much POTENTIAL - I'm free to pursue whatever I wish, to explore and grow and reach without worrying about who I might disappoint or where I'm needed - the only one I need to take care of is myself.
I saw a play adaptation of Like Water for Chocolate tonight...I was so disappointed when Tita ended up with the "sexy asshole" Pedro. I was so excited at the appearence of Jon Brown - he was kind, funny, and rather passionate himself, with his firecracker story. Instead she sexes up the asshole and dies. Nice.
How do I find what I'm looking for when I have no idea what it looks like? Or what to do with it? Or even where to begin searching?
Banish fear, work hard, and smile. Courage dear. Courage, dear. Let inspiration come and lead you by the nose like a bull, and hope it won't strand you in a stange land.