At first I thought it was a sign of weakness on my part - reaching out to the dead.  It wasn't because I missed him.  It wasn't because I truly needed something.  It was because a stranger told me that I made a mistake; that it was my fault that we weren't stil together because I wasn't willing to fix him.  They told me he just made a "little ( Read more... )

One of the first photos in my library is a picture of a turbulent sky.  Cliché, I know.  The sun is nowhere to be found.  The clouds are thick and angry.  The sky the color of smoke.  When I look at this picture, I feel warmth.  I feel happiness.  Because when I took it, I know I was with him.  He had just seen me through my nana's passing.  I had ( Read more... )

Recently I learned that I have a hard time reconciling the difference between what I don't like about others with what I don't like about myself.  Perhaps acknowledged is a more accurate account.  I always knew it was swimming somewhere in the murky well of insecurities and irrational fears - like the sickening feeling I get five minutes after ( Read more... )

If they can own it honestly, than let them have it.  No one's asking you to be proud, even if you wish you could be.  Stop asking questions.  Close your eyes a little harder.  Or fix them on the sky.  Learn to like pretending.  Maybe it'll all just stop someday.  Clear some more room for the disappointment.  Hold on to it as long as you have to.   ( Read more... )

How blessed we were to be so young and unaware.  I wish someone was there to tell me to fall a little harder.  We never knew we had anything to miss until we'd lost it all.

Oh, ignorance.

I remember thinking we were perfect in our strange little way.  I didn't care if he didn't understand me, because I was used to it.  And he feigned oblivion so ( Read more... )

As usual, it's been a while since I've bothered to update.  A lot changes with time, and I suppose I'm getting better at keeping things to myself.  I rarely feel like I'm that voice that demands to be heard, or perhaps, I've never felt encouraged to be it.  Most of the time, I don't know what on Earth I could possibly share with whomever may read ( Read more... )

From what I've learned, the best friendships thrive on equality, and I'm not sure many of my relationships do.  When I look back, I feel like I'm more like a useful object than a person with useful qualities.  I'm a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a free, unused dose of rationale.  But when it's my turn to take on struggle, I don't feel as ( Read more... )

Not to sound like someone we all know and love dearly, but can I just tell you how awful my luck is?  I got locked in my bathroom for a half an hour today, and I had to unhinge the doorknob with hair-cutting scissors, and rip the locking column out of the door so I could get out.  I was an hour late to work, and just for the sake of pity, I decided ( Read more... )

I've spent a small eternity in the strangest of moods. I think it's my fall mood, that usually comes around the same time every year. I didn't have time to slip into it during the month of October, so now that it's nearly Christmas I find myself entirely indifferent to most things. I've given up on saving money for the rest of November, because I'm ( Read more... )

 I present to you, president Barack Obama.