(no subject)
Even with so many thinsg I've come to understand I still don't understand what I want. The answer is near though, I can feel it. It's liek I'm sitting just outside the answer to my problems... There's a conclusion, an explanation for everythign I've been feelign for years, and what to do. It's near but just out of reach.
Worse yet I think is that somewhere in all these books I've never really read is teh answer. It's the Granger thing all over again, I'd have to becoem liek her, which is somethign I'm nto to find teh answer, but if I did I owuldn;t wnat the answer anymore.
But it's not such a simple seeking it only pushes me further basck situation. It's infinitely more complex.
Right now I'm thinking less and less of all those around me. They're descending away from me again. So many conflicting thoughts tell me I'm superior to all of them. I'm not them, I can't answer for them, I don't know the path they'd pick of all the ones laid before them. But so often now it seems like nobody else can even hypothesize all the paths before them. At most they see two or so paths and stumble blindly.
I'm finally taking stock in others' theories and adding them to my own schemas, with the occassional need for minor accomodation.
Jesse and Hoda are the worst of the lot. They're starting to use others' theories to try to explain my behaviour, but they're so far off. I can even understand why too. They're relying on the ideas that social psych espouses for the most part, attempting to explain me as egocentric and competitive. Although I'm not sure which particular model of egocentrism they're using, Piaget's, Elkind's or somebody elses. It's easier to explain this way, it fits into their own schemas which they've acquired from society. Those very judgemental views of society.
Worse yet though is the fact that I realize I'm failing utterly in any attempt to break them from the mold. I'm havign an internal debate over whether I should test out what trying to accomodate their expectatiosn of me would do. I mentioned it to them, and they at least noticed the irony in that I'd be conforming when I'm anti-conformity and so opposed to the current path of society.
Oh wait, yeah you guys read this. Yeah you probably shouldn't try to reply, most of you have been grabbing at straws lately. I respect the fact that real life has kept you so busy you can't think straight Mera, but if you're gonna answer this one, find a time when you are fully functional cognitively and consider what I'm saying carefully. Same goes for everyone else, including you Marissa.
Man I really oughta start making one of these that's just to myself, talking to oneself solves so many problems and can actually be therapeutic even.
Worse yet I think is that somewhere in all these books I've never really read is teh answer. It's the Granger thing all over again, I'd have to becoem liek her, which is somethign I'm nto to find teh answer, but if I did I owuldn;t wnat the answer anymore.
But it's not such a simple seeking it only pushes me further basck situation. It's infinitely more complex.
Right now I'm thinking less and less of all those around me. They're descending away from me again. So many conflicting thoughts tell me I'm superior to all of them. I'm not them, I can't answer for them, I don't know the path they'd pick of all the ones laid before them. But so often now it seems like nobody else can even hypothesize all the paths before them. At most they see two or so paths and stumble blindly.
I'm finally taking stock in others' theories and adding them to my own schemas, with the occassional need for minor accomodation.
Jesse and Hoda are the worst of the lot. They're starting to use others' theories to try to explain my behaviour, but they're so far off. I can even understand why too. They're relying on the ideas that social psych espouses for the most part, attempting to explain me as egocentric and competitive. Although I'm not sure which particular model of egocentrism they're using, Piaget's, Elkind's or somebody elses. It's easier to explain this way, it fits into their own schemas which they've acquired from society. Those very judgemental views of society.
Worse yet though is the fact that I realize I'm failing utterly in any attempt to break them from the mold. I'm havign an internal debate over whether I should test out what trying to accomodate their expectatiosn of me would do. I mentioned it to them, and they at least noticed the irony in that I'd be conforming when I'm anti-conformity and so opposed to the current path of society.
Oh wait, yeah you guys read this. Yeah you probably shouldn't try to reply, most of you have been grabbing at straws lately. I respect the fact that real life has kept you so busy you can't think straight Mera, but if you're gonna answer this one, find a time when you are fully functional cognitively and consider what I'm saying carefully. Same goes for everyone else, including you Marissa.
Man I really oughta start making one of these that's just to myself, talking to oneself solves so many problems and can actually be therapeutic even.