Muhahaha it's Stephen Lynch songs.... a few at a time...
If I could be a superhero
I would be awesome man
I’d fly around the world fighting crime
According to my awesome plan
And if I saw criminals trying to lie
Hurting other people and making them cry
I’d haul them off to jail in my awesome van
‘Cause I would be awesome man
Now, Some criminals want you to be a criminal
And they offer you things like drugs, alcohol
But we know what to do, kids
We just say ‘No’
If I could be a superhero
I would be Drug-Free boy
Telling the world of the evils of drugs
And all of the lives they destroy
Well I would take all the junk
He’s getting so high
With their needles and bongs
And their sticks of tye
As I burn them alive I would squeal with joy
Because I would be drug-free boy
If I could be a superhero
I'd be Immigration dude
I’d send all the foreigners back to their homes
For eating up all of our food
And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot
Like landscaping, dishwashing, picking our fruit
I’d pass a lot of laws to get rid of their food
‘Cause I’d be Immigration Dude
Kids, You can make up your very own superhero
If you could, Who would it be?
If I a superhero
Would you be justice guy
Making sure people get what they deserve
Especially women who lie
Like if a wife left her husband
With three kids and no job
To run off to Hawaii
With some doctor named bob
You can skin them and drain them of blood so they die
Especially bob
Then you would be justice guy
Or you could be more sutle
No, I didn’t mean to be vague
Give her the mad cow disease
Let him die of the plague
As long as they suffer for their terrible lies
Especially Bob
Then You would be Justice Guy
Yes then you would be a super hero like me
-----------------------------------
here we are dear old friend
you and i drunk again
laughs have been and and tears have been shed
maybe the whiskey's gone to my head
but if i were gay
i would give you my heart
and if i were gay
you'd be my work of art
and if i were gay
we would swim in romance
but i'm not gay
so get your hand out of my pants
its not that i dont care -i do
i just dont see myself in you
another time, another scene
i'd be right behind you if you know what i mean
cause if i were gay
i would give you my soul
and if i were gay
i would give you my whole being
and if i were gay
we would tear down the walls
but i'm not gay
so wont you stop cupping my hand
we've never hugged
we've never kissed
i've never been intimate with your fist
you have opened brand new doors
get over here and drop your drawers
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Hell yeah... there are soooooooo many more, all funny. He's my hero, right next to stewart, who was basically the only real good character on MadTV... So here's a joke from me to you....
This is the story of little Little Jimmy Fecal, i'll call him...
One day, 11 year old Jimmy came home from school three hours late. He walked into his house, and his mother was sitting at the table waiting for him. She says "Jimmy! Where have you been?! You are three hours late from when you are supposed to be home from school! Go to your room! I'm telling your father about this!"
So little Jimmy's dad gets home from work, soon after, and Jimmy's mom, says to his dad, " Your son was 3 hours late today, you better go talk to him!" So Jimmy's dad goes up to Jimmy's room, and says "Jimmy, your mother tells me you were three hours late today? Why were you so late getting home?" Jimmy replys to his dad by saying " I got laid." His dad says "You got laid?! son, that's the kind of thing you tell me, but never tell your mother! So how was it, did you like it?" Jimmy says "Yeah it was great I can't wait to do it again!" ... Then his dad asks "Well, when do you think you'll do it again?" ... Jimmy replys "Oh i figure i'll do it again in about three weeks or so.." So his dad asks "Well son, if it was so great why the hell are you going to wait that long to do it again?"... So jimmy says "Well, dad i figure thats about how long it will take for my asshole to heal.."
Muhahahahaha... yeah yeah ....