{Running System Scan};
Well I'm here packing my room, about to fly out Saturday Morning. I'm not counting that as a day, So tomorrow is my last day here for a long time! wow. I didn't have nearly this many friends last summer. It's so much harder to say goodbye. I suppose it's not a goodbye...but my memory sucks, and shit happens....O_O man it's hot outside {activate AC} ....ahhh much better.
I was packing, watching my roots slowly being pulled out. It's not fun to fit my room into boxes. I don't like boundaries or limitations. I like to be free, able to do what I please. I bet my stuff feels that way too XD I know Megaman and Delicious do, at least.
It's hard though. I'm cleaning up, and I found a whole bunch of stuff from my Dad's funeral. I had hidden it all around my room, stuffing into corners and cracks while tears streaked down my cold face. Now I reveal these things to myself and I can feel my body catching a chill again. I grabbed some old photos and reminisced for awhile. The more I think about him, the more happy thoughts I uncover about our past. I say I look for true love, but I've already found it. I love my Dad. I love him so much, and now I'm hear crying again as I type that. There's not much that can invoke tears in my eyes. My Dad's absence takes the cake. Oh how rotten that cake tastes.
His birthday is coming up. I remember Jamie's sorrow when an important day belonging to her father came up. I didn't understand why she was so sad then. But I understand now. Damn....No tissues. Guess I'd better change the subject.
I was packing, and Jamie told me to write a blog. That's why I'm here right now. I haven't been feeling like writing much, but that's because I've been so busy. I'm free right now, and I suddenly feel a rush of creativity going back into me. And something new. Words...sweet words. I hadn't much feelings with words, but now that I listen...I feel what I hear. Speaking of hearing, I realized that I haven't taken Jamie's CD out of my computer since she gave it to me...I guess another listen can't hurt too much. {Play Track 01} ...:)
I found a paper I wrote for communication about relationships. It was sweet to read that. I only have one page though, which I'm happy about, and sad about. I'm happy about it, because Jamie wrote some of that paper, which reminds me how much of a slacker I was last semester. I'm really grateful for her holding me up then. I'm sad because I don't remember what she wrote! No biggie though. I also found a book I used to write in a lot. It's interesting to read back through it. To question my beliefs and stuff. I find A+ papers of the first semester I was hear, and remember that I can be a good student. I can. I find old doodles and notes from Jamie. It's strange, wondering if our love is dead or not. I think it might be dead though. I keep trying to bring it back without being impolite, and I keep failing or getting no results. I go to my heart's funeral every night and brush my hand along it, wishing it would come back to life, just like I did when I stood at my father's funeral. I wanted so bad to yell "WAKE UP, DADDY WAKE UP!!" at the top of my lungs, like I used to do when I was little and couldn't wake him up when he fell asleep in front of the TV. For a few seconds I really believed that if I did that, He would jerk back to life and smile up at me.
I haven't told anyone except Jamie and Patrick, but my grandma died two days ago. It's hard to accept that she's gone too. I love my grandma just as much as I love my Mom. She had a lot of strong traditional beliefs that I admired....damn, Jamie's CD stopped playing for some reason...{ITUNES EXAMINATION...PROBLEM SOLVED} better. I remember thanksgivings at her house, enjoying a meal that she always put her heart into. She used to own her own restaurant and everything. She's the reason why I love apple pie, and eating for that matter. Her meals always had such an interesting taste with every bite, so I would bite and bite as much as I could because it was sooo yummy! :( I miss her. I really need some tissues. Now my nose is runny too >_<. It's ok though. I need this, or so I've heard.
I used to be introverted, and then Jamie taught me how not to be. Now, when I want to be introverted, I can't. I have to share how I feel, but I only know how to do that with Jamie. I Fail.
I don't have much acne anymore. I found three boxes of proactive under my bed! I forgot how bad it was in high school. Two of the three boxes aren't open. I only have very small blemishes <---right word? And this spot under my right eye that looks like a tear. Interesting.
I cut my hair, but not short and I feel like I did when I had my afro. I don't know what to do with it all! Save, I didn't do a great job cutting it. But whatever, I never really cared about how my hair looked, despite the amount of times my Dad tried to get me to brush it.
I wonder if my Mom knows about grandma. we didn't discuss it on the phone yesterday.
I haven't been homesick this semester. I think being Love sick replaced it.
"I want to take you far, from the cynics in this town.....We'll cut our bodies free.."
lol I can't type as fast as I thought I could. I thought I could keep up with the words in the song.
I don't know how to type silence, but there usually is a feeling of silence that I express a lot. I like the sound of silence, unlike most people I know. When someone adds 'iPod' to their camping trip list, I shake my head.
I've been feeling like a third wheel a lot. everywhere. I'm just some training wheel of life, that people lean on when they need me, and then throw me away when they can get along without me. If this is true, then I'm a collector of training wheels.
I remember talking about how in high school, some people thought I was a stalker. Then right after, I remembered how clingy I am to those I love. Maybe I am a stalker. Or at least I have stalker tendencies.
Home is coming, and I'm not ready for it.
I'm not ready for anything right now. I have nowhere in particular to go. I better go sit by the duck pond one more time.
There's more I feel like writing. But as Jamie expressed to me earlier, there just aren't words for some things.
All is full of love, remember that, silly.
Dragoshi
I was packing, watching my roots slowly being pulled out. It's not fun to fit my room into boxes. I don't like boundaries or limitations. I like to be free, able to do what I please. I bet my stuff feels that way too XD I know Megaman and Delicious do, at least.
It's hard though. I'm cleaning up, and I found a whole bunch of stuff from my Dad's funeral. I had hidden it all around my room, stuffing into corners and cracks while tears streaked down my cold face. Now I reveal these things to myself and I can feel my body catching a chill again. I grabbed some old photos and reminisced for awhile. The more I think about him, the more happy thoughts I uncover about our past. I say I look for true love, but I've already found it. I love my Dad. I love him so much, and now I'm hear crying again as I type that. There's not much that can invoke tears in my eyes. My Dad's absence takes the cake. Oh how rotten that cake tastes.
His birthday is coming up. I remember Jamie's sorrow when an important day belonging to her father came up. I didn't understand why she was so sad then. But I understand now. Damn....No tissues. Guess I'd better change the subject.
I was packing, and Jamie told me to write a blog. That's why I'm here right now. I haven't been feeling like writing much, but that's because I've been so busy. I'm free right now, and I suddenly feel a rush of creativity going back into me. And something new. Words...sweet words. I hadn't much feelings with words, but now that I listen...I feel what I hear. Speaking of hearing, I realized that I haven't taken Jamie's CD out of my computer since she gave it to me...I guess another listen can't hurt too much. {Play Track 01} ...:)
I found a paper I wrote for communication about relationships. It was sweet to read that. I only have one page though, which I'm happy about, and sad about. I'm happy about it, because Jamie wrote some of that paper, which reminds me how much of a slacker I was last semester. I'm really grateful for her holding me up then. I'm sad because I don't remember what she wrote! No biggie though. I also found a book I used to write in a lot. It's interesting to read back through it. To question my beliefs and stuff. I find A+ papers of the first semester I was hear, and remember that I can be a good student. I can. I find old doodles and notes from Jamie. It's strange, wondering if our love is dead or not. I think it might be dead though. I keep trying to bring it back without being impolite, and I keep failing or getting no results. I go to my heart's funeral every night and brush my hand along it, wishing it would come back to life, just like I did when I stood at my father's funeral. I wanted so bad to yell "WAKE UP, DADDY WAKE UP!!" at the top of my lungs, like I used to do when I was little and couldn't wake him up when he fell asleep in front of the TV. For a few seconds I really believed that if I did that, He would jerk back to life and smile up at me.
I haven't told anyone except Jamie and Patrick, but my grandma died two days ago. It's hard to accept that she's gone too. I love my grandma just as much as I love my Mom. She had a lot of strong traditional beliefs that I admired....damn, Jamie's CD stopped playing for some reason...{ITUNES EXAMINATION...PROBLEM SOLVED} better. I remember thanksgivings at her house, enjoying a meal that she always put her heart into. She used to own her own restaurant and everything. She's the reason why I love apple pie, and eating for that matter. Her meals always had such an interesting taste with every bite, so I would bite and bite as much as I could because it was sooo yummy! :( I miss her. I really need some tissues. Now my nose is runny too >_<. It's ok though. I need this, or so I've heard.
I used to be introverted, and then Jamie taught me how not to be. Now, when I want to be introverted, I can't. I have to share how I feel, but I only know how to do that with Jamie. I Fail.
I don't have much acne anymore. I found three boxes of proactive under my bed! I forgot how bad it was in high school. Two of the three boxes aren't open. I only have very small blemishes <---right word? And this spot under my right eye that looks like a tear. Interesting.
I cut my hair, but not short and I feel like I did when I had my afro. I don't know what to do with it all! Save, I didn't do a great job cutting it. But whatever, I never really cared about how my hair looked, despite the amount of times my Dad tried to get me to brush it.
I wonder if my Mom knows about grandma. we didn't discuss it on the phone yesterday.
I haven't been homesick this semester. I think being Love sick replaced it.
"I want to take you far, from the cynics in this town.....We'll cut our bodies free.."
lol I can't type as fast as I thought I could. I thought I could keep up with the words in the song.
I don't know how to type silence, but there usually is a feeling of silence that I express a lot. I like the sound of silence, unlike most people I know. When someone adds 'iPod' to their camping trip list, I shake my head.
I've been feeling like a third wheel a lot. everywhere. I'm just some training wheel of life, that people lean on when they need me, and then throw me away when they can get along without me. If this is true, then I'm a collector of training wheels.
I remember talking about how in high school, some people thought I was a stalker. Then right after, I remembered how clingy I am to those I love. Maybe I am a stalker. Or at least I have stalker tendencies.
Home is coming, and I'm not ready for it.
I'm not ready for anything right now. I have nowhere in particular to go. I better go sit by the duck pond one more time.
There's more I feel like writing. But as Jamie expressed to me earlier, there just aren't words for some things.
All is full of love, remember that, silly.
Dragoshi