(no subject)
I'm starting to seriously wonder how life is supposed to play out. How does somebody know when they're truly happy, or just really depressed. It's like high school in reverse. I watch the brick wall move farther and farther away and ask myself what am I waiting for. Is it love, success, happiness, boredom of the status quo? I don't know what I'm waiting for, but I'm not getting anywhere. So then what can I do to make the pieces fall into place? I have to start out somewhere...
What am I afraid of?
~dying alone, not being remembed, not doing anything important with my life, not living to the fullest day to day, making a big ass out of myself by failing.
That's where I fall short. I'm so afraid of failing it's causing my failure! So then what...?
I make big plans everyday. Today I'm going to get down to business and meet the world with my head up and feet firm on the ground... lol... Whatever!
Actually today I'm going to do nothing of great importance and go to bed with nothing accomplished.
The first step again is all I need to take, but I'm afraid of the risk I'll take again. I'll fail again and the world will come crashing down around me again.
If I can just put myself into the right frame of mind for more than two minutes i know things will happen in a positive direction, probably not the way I would like to plan them to happen, but happen none the less.
So first step in my positive direction is to get back to school. I need to find help, but it will happen.