Why?
Why do I feel this way?
I own my own house, my own solitary domicile that I can retreat to in order to escape from the rest of the world. The problems with it only show more then ever that it is mine and that just as I must live in it I must find a way to fix it, or someone to help me, and there are plenty who would help me. It is mine and everything in it is mine and they are precious in the memories they hold… so why do I feel trapped?
My best friend has found the man of her dreams, they are living in an apartment together where she gets to wake up every morning and see his handsome face and hold on to his warm body as his arms wrap around her. She’s waited forever for him to find her and I helped bring him out of her dreams and … so why do I feel like I’ve lost her?
I’m surrounded by people I know, have known. People who love and care about me, people who want to see me smile. They talk they laugh, they tell me of things that I once found fascinating, that I would jump and clap over. They want to hold me and make me laugh they are here if I need them for anything… so why do I feel so alone?
I found a man who loves me, who respects me and wants the best for me, that finds pleasure in the things that I find pleasure in who understands why I act the way I do and why my mind is the way that it is. A man who wants to hold me more then he wants to be held, who is happiest when he knows that I am happy and who is my guardian angel when the darkness tries to close in… so why do I feel like I’m holding him down?
I have a plan… I plan to move on and to achieve my simple dreams and to create new ones as I move on and forward with this plan. It is a goal I know I can reach, one that I will not be aloud to drop or given up, one that will challenge me, that I will conquer and over come. It is something that I have been wanting, waiting for, and that I will finally take that leap and do… so why do I feel so lost?
I dream the same dream… over and over…My body is heavy and my mind is slow. I can’t breathe; I can’t see or feel… I’m trapped in my own body as people stand around me, talking and laughing, wondering when I’m gong to wake up… but I’m awake… I can hear them and I try to move, I struggle to breath but I can’t… my body is to heavy though I try and force it to move just an inch, just enough to prove I’m still alive. My chest grows heavier cutting off the little air forced into my lungs as I still struggle to move to breathe to live…
I wake the same way… jerking my head around to gasp for air as I move slowly into a new position, afraid that I won’t be able to, that my body will grow heavy again and stop that little movement before I finish it. I look around and see no one. I think and can come up with nothing that needs to be done… I don’t have to work for another two hours… and so I close my eyes again and return to sleep, hoping only to dream a new dream before I have to get up and go, only to come back and sleep again…
Why do I feel this way?
I own my own house, my own solitary domicile that I can retreat to in order to escape from the rest of the world. The problems with it only show more then ever that it is mine and that just as I must live in it I must find a way to fix it, or someone to help me, and there are plenty who would help me. It is mine and everything in it is mine and they are precious in the memories they hold… so why do I feel trapped?
My best friend has found the man of her dreams, they are living in an apartment together where she gets to wake up every morning and see his handsome face and hold on to his warm body as his arms wrap around her. She’s waited forever for him to find her and I helped bring him out of her dreams and … so why do I feel like I’ve lost her?
I’m surrounded by people I know, have known. People who love and care about me, people who want to see me smile. They talk they laugh, they tell me of things that I once found fascinating, that I would jump and clap over. They want to hold me and make me laugh they are here if I need them for anything… so why do I feel so alone?
I found a man who loves me, who respects me and wants the best for me, that finds pleasure in the things that I find pleasure in who understands why I act the way I do and why my mind is the way that it is. A man who wants to hold me more then he wants to be held, who is happiest when he knows that I am happy and who is my guardian angel when the darkness tries to close in… so why do I feel like I’m holding him down?
I have a plan… I plan to move on and to achieve my simple dreams and to create new ones as I move on and forward with this plan. It is a goal I know I can reach, one that I will not be aloud to drop or given up, one that will challenge me, that I will conquer and over come. It is something that I have been wanting, waiting for, and that I will finally take that leap and do… so why do I feel so lost?
I dream the same dream… over and over…My body is heavy and my mind is slow. I can’t breathe; I can’t see or feel… I’m trapped in my own body as people stand around me, talking and laughing, wondering when I’m gong to wake up… but I’m awake… I can hear them and I try to move, I struggle to breath but I can’t… my body is to heavy though I try and force it to move just an inch, just enough to prove I’m still alive. My chest grows heavier cutting off the little air forced into my lungs as I still struggle to move to breathe to live…
I wake the same way… jerking my head around to gasp for air as I move slowly into a new position, afraid that I won’t be able to, that my body will grow heavy again and stop that little movement before I finish it. I look around and see no one. I think and can come up with nothing that needs to be done… I don’t have to work for another two hours… and so I close my eyes again and return to sleep, hoping only to dream a new dream before I have to get up and go, only to come back and sleep again…
Why do I feel this way?