Black pit...
i went though my contact list on my phone...i realized i only have three guys' numbers that aren't related to me. and for females that aren't related to me, only two people are people that haven't flirted with me...WTF...i am fucked up.
I know i only have myself to blame. I am the reason why i don't have friends and people that are trustworthy in my life aside from a few exceptions, one being my girlfriend, and two being good friends that refuse to take part of flirting with me. I do thank Allyssa M. for listening and just talking religion with me. She is a good rock. And Serrianna, we've known each other since the sixth grade and you have seen me go up and down many times and struggle, and you've been there for me to talk to when nobody else has. Its a great quality you have and i appreciate your friendship. And then there's my girlfriend...well i hope she still is. She has put up with the most bullshit from me. I have pretty much spat and shat on her for everything she's done. She doesn't deserve it. But she saw a light in me that i couldn't even see. and she really pushed hard for me to realize what i have/had with her. ....... ok i'm like crying really hard right now. I just can't believe i was that nasty of a person.
i can't even type anymore...i feel too much like shit and i'm hating on myself right now for what i've done to her. she got the worst of it out of everybody and all she was trying to do was help.........
Fuck!!!! grrrrrrr!!!! i need to smash something i'm so fucking pissed at myself!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!! I feel like punching a brick wall till my hand breaks... i am so sick to my fucking stomach with everything i've done....BLURGH!!!!!!!! i really feel like vomiting at all these thoughts. GUH!!!!!!
>slams head to desk once
I know i only have myself to blame. I am the reason why i don't have friends and people that are trustworthy in my life aside from a few exceptions, one being my girlfriend, and two being good friends that refuse to take part of flirting with me. I do thank Allyssa M. for listening and just talking religion with me. She is a good rock. And Serrianna, we've known each other since the sixth grade and you have seen me go up and down many times and struggle, and you've been there for me to talk to when nobody else has. Its a great quality you have and i appreciate your friendship. And then there's my girlfriend...well i hope she still is. She has put up with the most bullshit from me. I have pretty much spat and shat on her for everything she's done. She doesn't deserve it. But she saw a light in me that i couldn't even see. and she really pushed hard for me to realize what i have/had with her. ....... ok i'm like crying really hard right now. I just can't believe i was that nasty of a person.
i can't even type anymore...i feel too much like shit and i'm hating on myself right now for what i've done to her. she got the worst of it out of everybody and all she was trying to do was help.........
Fuck!!!! grrrrrrr!!!! i need to smash something i'm so fucking pissed at myself!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!! I feel like punching a brick wall till my hand breaks... i am so sick to my fucking stomach with everything i've done....BLURGH!!!!!!!! i really feel like vomiting at all these thoughts. GUH!!!!!!
>slams head to desk once