release the fists
It's not easy to quiet down, free yourself of everything and just focus on interactions with god in praying. It's similar to receiving gifts from others. You have to learn to accept without burden, without worries how you are going to repay. I remember the uneasiness i felt when others treated me nicely and i knew i didn't repay them in the same way. Hence i felt i have a duty to be good to them. Of course, love includes responsibilities. But responsibilities per se does not amount to love.
A gift is given without any condtions. So what you need to do is to release your fist, open your palm and receive it. Believe me, this itself is tough. As if you are the one who receives, it's the one who gives has control over the whole thing. That's the source of uneasiness when you receive something from others, be it gift or love. You want to give something back to them so that two of you would be equal without one submitting to another.
This is exactly the supposed relationship with god. I'm learning to submit myself, my life totally to him. It's funny to say this when it's a fact that my life is in his hands. But even so i used to, or am still sometimes, struggle trying to free myself or my life from him. That's the cause of pains, worries and sorrow. This might sound contradictory, but it's true: Submitting is not easy, yet, once it's done, i realise how easy my life has become.
A gift is given without any condtions. So what you need to do is to release your fist, open your palm and receive it. Believe me, this itself is tough. As if you are the one who receives, it's the one who gives has control over the whole thing. That's the source of uneasiness when you receive something from others, be it gift or love. You want to give something back to them so that two of you would be equal without one submitting to another.
This is exactly the supposed relationship with god. I'm learning to submit myself, my life totally to him. It's funny to say this when it's a fact that my life is in his hands. But even so i used to, or am still sometimes, struggle trying to free myself or my life from him. That's the cause of pains, worries and sorrow. This might sound contradictory, but it's true: Submitting is not easy, yet, once it's done, i realise how easy my life has become.