Standing by You...
You're out of town till Monday...
Another 6 am at work.
I lost $100... but I'm not mad, even though I know I'll never find it.
I'm...content. I know things will work out, I have this crazy optimism about it. I'm convinced everything is somehow falling into place, whatever place it's supposed to fall in. Doesn't matter what I want it to be, it's doing the right thing, regardless of what I think or feel about it.
I'm not going back to therapy, because isn't the purpose of therapy to complain to someone and have them help you, find the tools in yourself, to be happier with your situation and improve it? Well... I kinda did that, without a counselor. Besides, I fucking hate the idea of needing help with my head, I know it's a fucked up place to live but it's mine. I don't need anyone else walking around, looking at the posters, and peeking in the fridge, and looking for the dirt. *laughs* That's what they're really looking for anyway isn't it? Counselors? They're looking for the dirt, the stuff you swept under the bed, hid in the closet, tucked into a box to never look at again. Those are my things, they might suck, but they're mine.
The worst part? So quickly too. Shh... I love him already. You don't need someone else to complete you, or to make you happy, but I genuinely believe that people aren't meant to be alone. That they crave other people, for a reason, it's a need as vital as food, water, air, and shelter. We need and crave companionship. Someone to share our fucked up day with, and some conversation with food, a hug, a kiss, and someone to call you honey, or babe, or whatever thing it is that they say. That thing that makes you close your eyes, breathe out the bad stuff, smile a little and feel safe, and loved. I get that. I think he gets it too.
Another 6 am at work.
I lost $100... but I'm not mad, even though I know I'll never find it.
I'm...content. I know things will work out, I have this crazy optimism about it. I'm convinced everything is somehow falling into place, whatever place it's supposed to fall in. Doesn't matter what I want it to be, it's doing the right thing, regardless of what I think or feel about it.
I'm not going back to therapy, because isn't the purpose of therapy to complain to someone and have them help you, find the tools in yourself, to be happier with your situation and improve it? Well... I kinda did that, without a counselor. Besides, I fucking hate the idea of needing help with my head, I know it's a fucked up place to live but it's mine. I don't need anyone else walking around, looking at the posters, and peeking in the fridge, and looking for the dirt. *laughs* That's what they're really looking for anyway isn't it? Counselors? They're looking for the dirt, the stuff you swept under the bed, hid in the closet, tucked into a box to never look at again. Those are my things, they might suck, but they're mine.
The worst part? So quickly too. Shh... I love him already. You don't need someone else to complete you, or to make you happy, but I genuinely believe that people aren't meant to be alone. That they crave other people, for a reason, it's a need as vital as food, water, air, and shelter. We need and crave companionship. Someone to share our fucked up day with, and some conversation with food, a hug, a kiss, and someone to call you honey, or babe, or whatever thing it is that they say. That thing that makes you close your eyes, breathe out the bad stuff, smile a little and feel safe, and loved. I get that. I think he gets it too.