Brand New Days
Tuesday was a really hard and long day. But the days after have felt much better.
On Wednesday, I spoke to my OB/GYN a little more about my options. She told me that taking any sort of pill to force the fetus out would put me at high risk of complications, such as heavy bleeding and hemorrhaging. She said the likelihood was about 50%. I told her that if my body didn't naturally purge it, then I would call Monday to schedule a surgery. She said she could schedule me for Tuesday tentatively, and I could always call and cancel it if things changed over the weekend. I thought it was really nice for her to offer.
I told Denver about this. Before going to sleep, he turned to me and said that things didn't feel right. He felt we should get one more ultrasound done before the surgery. I didn't really want to do it because, to me, it felt like creating false hope, but Denver insists that ultrasound reading is not an exact science and there is always room for error. So to put both of our minds at ease, I've scheduled for an ultrasound on Monday, assuming I don't naturally pass the fetus over the weekend.
I'm feeling a lot better about everything. On occasion, I find myself feeling a little sad about it, especially since it seems like everything I see now is about babies. But, I'm feeling other things, too.
I started my low carb dieting again already. I'm looking forward to losing weight again. I know this may be odd to say, but I almost feel like I've been freed, like pregnancy was some sort of prison. I was restricted on what I could and could not eat, and I couldn't safely continue to my low carb diet while pregnant. But now that I'm not pregnant, I am free to do what I want and eat what I want (well, still restrictions, of course, but those are my decisions).
A part of me almost doesn't want to get pregnant again because it means kowtowing to essentially a "parasite" growing inside me, if that makes any sense. I am fully aware that motherhood is suppose to be a great and magical experience, and the sacrifices made to have children are well worth the reward, but it's kind of nice to not have to worry about what will be good or bad for the life growing inside me. It was kind of stressful, actually.
Does this make me horrible? I mean, I am going to try to get pregnant, because having children is ultimately what I want, but I felt pretty good after Tuesday about going back to losing weight. I have control over my body again, instead of my body controlling me.
I needed to get that off my chest.
On Wednesday, I spoke to my OB/GYN a little more about my options. She told me that taking any sort of pill to force the fetus out would put me at high risk of complications, such as heavy bleeding and hemorrhaging. She said the likelihood was about 50%. I told her that if my body didn't naturally purge it, then I would call Monday to schedule a surgery. She said she could schedule me for Tuesday tentatively, and I could always call and cancel it if things changed over the weekend. I thought it was really nice for her to offer.
I told Denver about this. Before going to sleep, he turned to me and said that things didn't feel right. He felt we should get one more ultrasound done before the surgery. I didn't really want to do it because, to me, it felt like creating false hope, but Denver insists that ultrasound reading is not an exact science and there is always room for error. So to put both of our minds at ease, I've scheduled for an ultrasound on Monday, assuming I don't naturally pass the fetus over the weekend.
I'm feeling a lot better about everything. On occasion, I find myself feeling a little sad about it, especially since it seems like everything I see now is about babies. But, I'm feeling other things, too.
I started my low carb dieting again already. I'm looking forward to losing weight again. I know this may be odd to say, but I almost feel like I've been freed, like pregnancy was some sort of prison. I was restricted on what I could and could not eat, and I couldn't safely continue to my low carb diet while pregnant. But now that I'm not pregnant, I am free to do what I want and eat what I want (well, still restrictions, of course, but those are my decisions).
A part of me almost doesn't want to get pregnant again because it means kowtowing to essentially a "parasite" growing inside me, if that makes any sense. I am fully aware that motherhood is suppose to be a great and magical experience, and the sacrifices made to have children are well worth the reward, but it's kind of nice to not have to worry about what will be good or bad for the life growing inside me. It was kind of stressful, actually.
Does this make me horrible? I mean, I am going to try to get pregnant, because having children is ultimately what I want, but I felt pretty good after Tuesday about going back to losing weight. I have control over my body again, instead of my body controlling me.
I needed to get that off my chest.