Wednessday
So yesterday I was nearly guilt-ed into doing something I didn't want to do. I haven't wanted to go out in public because wearing my new binder hurts. Finally a longer model comes in and guess what... it isn't tight enough to do anything. So right now I'm stuck actually wearing more then one, which means if I move too fast I get light headed because I have to relearn breathing. I don't feel comfortable asking anyone anything right now, I think it's the fact that I have people who are now pretending that I'll just change my mind because of cost and such. Just because I ask them where an office is then remark on how much it costs to change a name. 140 just for the court fee's that doesn't count the paper work I'll need or even the lawyer fee.
Right now I'm waiting for an e-mail back from the company’s lawyer to see if I can do this without getting a lawyer or if they could make sure I actually feel out the paper work correctly. I'm not actually surprised that everything is just stacking up like this. For one I know I am rushing things, hell I have held off for years. Why should I have to freakin wait now, after the entire wait was me actually making sure this is what I really wanted. So what if I put in the back of the closet, it wasn't as if I was going out meeting guys and pretending we'll marry and have 2.5 kids. I had thought that when I was a kid, but I had always seen myself as the daddy and having a wife.
I'm worried my name will be turned down and I'll have wasted money, I'm worried that I won’t get the extra pounds I have on me off. I started out this year as a 210 pound guy, through a cleanse then a diet and a bit of exercise I have gotten down to 180. Today I have gone back onto the cleanse which I'll do for two weeks this time, without the solid meal at night. Shorter then the last time I did it but lacking solid foods. Everything is liquid diet plus the drink that is suppose to kick start my metabolism and curve my zest to eat everything on my plate just because it A. smells good. B. Someone some where is starving. C. I shouldn't waste anything because I remember when I didn't have money to buy it in the first place.
On to brighter things, I actually enjoyed LOTRO but then after about two hours I was feeling like I was actually cheating on my WoW friends. Even though some of them actually only seemed to bother with me after they were finished with the ones who had been with the game since first launch. I can only say the bad thing about LOTRO is it's so slow, everything is so spaced out and the graphics seem third rate. Like an old ps2 game. The bad things on WoW are people are impatient, rude, and snobbish. If you don't know something you are expected to figure it out for yourself. Everyone has cliques where you are not welcome because first you don't role play or you do. Or you haven't been with the game since the beginning.
Doesn't matter if you started three months after burning's release date, you are a newbie and nothing will change that. Not even several lvl 70's. Heh which I don't really have yet anyway. Heck I have two close but I just don't feel like reaching that last goal. I'm not sure if it's fear that I'll just wonder what the hell I had been doing for this long or what. Not to mention part of the reason I never went back skating was because of the game, everything takes time and if you want to group you have to be patient and if it means waiting hours for an instance that only takes thirty minutes then so be it. Blah fifth teen minutes before the day starts. Going to spell check then close out... by that I mean I'll just go lurk on my groups.
