Time doesn't really fly...
I find myself wishing I didn't have hope. I long for the cynicism of my youth if only to prevent the pain I inflict on myself daily. I need to sever my heart from my chest so I can move on and get past what needs to be behind me. I hate that I still long for him. I hate that he's still in my dreams and not in my bed. I hate that I tears that almost for but never fall from my eyes. I hate him for breaking my heart and replacing me so quickly. I hate that he was my God and without him church feels empty. I hate that I feel tiny and powerless and like all the hope I believed I had was only because of him.
Most of all, I hate that I don't hate any of this. I know the pain will pass, I know I'll move on. I just hate that time runs slow and that I'm not able to be who I want to be right now.
Most of all, I hate that I don't hate any of this. I know the pain will pass, I know I'll move on. I just hate that time runs slow and that I'm not able to be who I want to be right now.