To a friend who's slowly killing me....
Why must you do what you're doing? It tears me apart, watching you kill yourself. I've warned you countless times, but it is as if I'm being ignored. I shout, I plead, but you don't listen. Why? Why? Does my opinion hold any value anymore? It's like I've become a shadow of the past- no one cares, and not even my best friend listens anymore. Broken
( Read more... )
You're talking like i dont give a rats ass about you, and that really hurts my feelings. i know you get sad and you are sad, but i'm willing to help you no matter what. I'll be your friend forever, whether or not YOU do something i don't like. If you need someone to be with, i'd come over at 3 AM.
I'm trying to figure out what way i've been treating you that makes you so livid. I know what i do is bad for me, but lets talk about why i do it, and even why i started in the first place
I was already smoking by the time we had that talk in the hong kong cafe. I was going to tell you guys about it, but you were both acting like you could never have a friend with such a habit. i didnt say anything, because i felt like, and still often do, i feel like even though you call me your friend, i always feel like if i did something you didnt like, or you didnt agree with me about something, that our friendship would go down the toilet.
Look, i started smoking because i was desparate. desparate for some form of escape. and its still a form of escape. you can blame my depression on my music or whatever all you want, but thats not the problem at all. I smoke when the day becomes unbearable, i cant handle things well. everyday becomes unbearable to me, sometimes it just helps. I DONT SMOKE TO SPITE YOU. I dont do it to hurt you,
You make me sound so stupid, smiling at you innocently, but you have no idea i can tell you dont feel good. I dont want to bring anything up, unless you want to talk to me about it.
you know, I thought i actualy found someone who could love me completely, love my good qualities and accept all of my faults. I guess i was really really wrong. A big part of my issue is that i need to know i'm loved. But i guess im not really, not when i have bad habits. you matter so much to me, your friendship does i love you so much, and even if you decided you hated me and never ever wanted to talk to me again, i'd still love you. You're my friend and always will be, even if i have to be a friend from afar.
Reply
Leave a comment