Yep
Yep yep yep. There goes 3-4 weeks..... All for 18 gashes that will hardly stop bleeding....Soaked through the bandge I put on them... But none of it really matters anymore. I'm writing this solely to write it, knowing that someone out there will probably know this. But I don't feel like disappiontng my friends. Or letting them know.
I'm just drifting away from everyone slowly. Everything is a blur. People are starting to ignore me, others try to 'make me happy.' I don't know anymore. Happiness comes rarely to me these days. I try to reach back for the ground everyone else walks on, but i'm too far away. How is this ever going to stop if I keep letting it happen? How can I make myself happy, have someone who cares about me so much that even though I hurt their feelings or their significant other, they will still be there?
Amanda is really pissing me off...She had a girl on the color guard(flagline- band) come up to me and ask if I was spreading rumors about her- saying really nasty stuff and cursing about her- and saying that it was coming from me. Band is bull shit sometimes... Damnit I got burned at practice on Thursday because we ahd it rightr after school due to college night and senior meetings on the same evening. We were outside from 2:10 to 4:45. He said that we would be done early but he held us late. Mr. D is alright, but he can forget himself...forget what eh said then go against it. But a lot of people do that. Myself included.
Shequand's party was today. She was so suprised that we were at the restuarant when her parents and herself walked in. She started to cry. wIL, Kristen, Kyle, Heather and myself; along with Drew and Laurel were there. We got this really big virgin strawberry daiquiri and we all drank from it. Heather and I both got 'Arroz con Pollo' and kristen got chicken, rice, and veggies. Kyle got chimichongas and Shequanda and wIL got fajitas. It was alright. After we were finished there, we went to toys 'R' us and looked around. We found the perfect mascot for the crew. A really big-headed turtle named squirt. It's from Finding Nemo, I think.... Or that's where they got the name, at least.
When we got to the movies, we had a bit of a wait outside the actual theatre, so we got drinks and things. Jeremy and Adrienne showed up and we all tried to ignore them. But at least we couldn't SMELL Jeremy. That would have made us all get out of line -Jeremy Smells so bad.- We got into the theatre, Kristen and I last because I had to go to the bathroom and won't go alone if we're out in public. We found Shequanda and wIL kissing, along with Heather and Kyle. We waited until they were done before going up, as to not ruin their moment. 'The Corpse Bride' was really an excellent movie.
We dropped wIL off first, then it was me, after about a 10-15 minute ride and I came inside and went up stairs. I tried to eat some crackers, but I really didn't have much of an appetite. I made 18 gashes on my left wrist/forearm area and then cleaned it, put antibiotic ointment on it and covered it with gause. I came downstairs, played a game of spider solitare on the computer, checked my email. Now i'm writing this.
I figure that this is long enough. I've been trying to write enough to pe proud of. But no matter how much I write, it's not enough. It's never good enough. But maybe my standards are too high. I try to write a long bit to get something usefull out, but it all stays inside. Hidden. Lost. Or Stolen. Hell it could never have been there anyway.
Good night.
~X~Kandu
I'm just drifting away from everyone slowly. Everything is a blur. People are starting to ignore me, others try to 'make me happy.' I don't know anymore. Happiness comes rarely to me these days. I try to reach back for the ground everyone else walks on, but i'm too far away. How is this ever going to stop if I keep letting it happen? How can I make myself happy, have someone who cares about me so much that even though I hurt their feelings or their significant other, they will still be there?
Amanda is really pissing me off...She had a girl on the color guard(flagline- band) come up to me and ask if I was spreading rumors about her- saying really nasty stuff and cursing about her- and saying that it was coming from me. Band is bull shit sometimes... Damnit I got burned at practice on Thursday because we ahd it rightr after school due to college night and senior meetings on the same evening. We were outside from 2:10 to 4:45. He said that we would be done early but he held us late. Mr. D is alright, but he can forget himself...forget what eh said then go against it. But a lot of people do that. Myself included.
Shequand's party was today. She was so suprised that we were at the restuarant when her parents and herself walked in. She started to cry. wIL, Kristen, Kyle, Heather and myself; along with Drew and Laurel were there. We got this really big virgin strawberry daiquiri and we all drank from it. Heather and I both got 'Arroz con Pollo' and kristen got chicken, rice, and veggies. Kyle got chimichongas and Shequanda and wIL got fajitas. It was alright. After we were finished there, we went to toys 'R' us and looked around. We found the perfect mascot for the crew. A really big-headed turtle named squirt. It's from Finding Nemo, I think.... Or that's where they got the name, at least.
When we got to the movies, we had a bit of a wait outside the actual theatre, so we got drinks and things. Jeremy and Adrienne showed up and we all tried to ignore them. But at least we couldn't SMELL Jeremy. That would have made us all get out of line -Jeremy Smells so bad.- We got into the theatre, Kristen and I last because I had to go to the bathroom and won't go alone if we're out in public. We found Shequanda and wIL kissing, along with Heather and Kyle. We waited until they were done before going up, as to not ruin their moment. 'The Corpse Bride' was really an excellent movie.
We dropped wIL off first, then it was me, after about a 10-15 minute ride and I came inside and went up stairs. I tried to eat some crackers, but I really didn't have much of an appetite. I made 18 gashes on my left wrist/forearm area and then cleaned it, put antibiotic ointment on it and covered it with gause. I came downstairs, played a game of spider solitare on the computer, checked my email. Now i'm writing this.
I figure that this is long enough. I've been trying to write enough to pe proud of. But no matter how much I write, it's not enough. It's never good enough. But maybe my standards are too high. I try to write a long bit to get something usefull out, but it all stays inside. Hidden. Lost. Or Stolen. Hell it could never have been there anyway.
Good night.
~X~Kandu