Single A Gain
My life is over! I’m a drug addict and I meet girls in internet chat rooms! Not young wons, OLD ONES! I broke up with Jerelba for those of you who don’t know. We dated for over three years! Since last monday, I’ve been going out on dates, but no one seems to fit my taste. Through chats I feel relieved somehow from my loneliness and emptiness. I fell like I hated women, so I stat meeting men in chatrooms. I even think I fell in love but I don’t know. But we know for a fact that we can expect to fall for someone in chats. I never stopped myself from meeting and knowing men from abroad. I must admit there is a mutual understanding bounded on it. Problem now is that three men have fallen for me. One came to visit and he is hoping for the future together. Oh fuck. Here the rest:
I have chosen one who fits my taste from the chat, and he’s coming this May. What shall I do now with the rest? I know it’s my fault. I’ve given them so much attention and many hopes for possible marriage. I know they’ll be depressed, sorrowful and in pain once I tell them my decision and what is really going on.
But fuck it. Jerelba didn’t think when she broke off our two your relation ship, that I’d be fine! girlfriend Jerelba has just broken off our two-year relationship. It's been four days and every day I seem to be feeling worse. I still love her very much, and I think she still loves me, but I have a problem that I can't seem to deal with and she can't be a part of it. I truly respect your decision, but it hurts me inside. I guess I can give you my side of the story and see what I think.
I have only had one other relationship in my life and that was when I was 21 (yes, virgin 'til 21), when she dumped me and never told me why I was destroyed. I didn't have a girlfriend again until
After a year or so of friendly chats and a bit of flirting (let alone the 14 years of no sex), I decided to ask her out. My reason for waiting so long was that she is 18 years older than I am, divorced, with a 28-year-old son. A very experienced, professional woman, with her own business and a life somewhat different than mine. I was 360 lbs., and on a crash course with my health. I began hiking and climbing, changed my diet completely (I am a vegan now) and had made it down to 215 lbs. (looking pretty darn good). I quit drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, eating meat and dairy, drinking soda pop. All I drink now is water. The only vice that I did keep was smoking pot, which I believed I could balance out with all the other changes I made. I was climbing mountains while on it and it never affected me.
Jerelba who knew all about my pot habit, and we started going out. We had sex on our first date, which I thought was pretty forward, but I hadn't had it in so long that I went for it. We had our ups and downs, and my jealousy of her many past relationships made us fight a lot, but we had a lot of great times and the sex was good, too. I started liking her a lot and eventually fell in love with her. She felt we would spend the rest of our lives together, so I stopped hiking with my buddies, stayed with her all the time, not because she made me, but I thought it was what I was supposed to do. She said she couldn't deal with pot smoking it anymore and asked me to quit, so to keep the relationship going I did. For about 9 months I stayed clean, then my buddy asked me to be best man at his wedding. Between the ceremony and reception we went back to his house and I broke my fast; I got high. Then I quit for another 3 months, but started up again. She too had smoked 2-3 times when we would go see her friends.
Then we decided to buy a house together and that's when she put up the gauntlet. She wanted to be clean again and told me to decide what I loved more -- her or pot. I love her a lot, but I told her I could only make the promise that I would try to control my habit and never do it around her. I could never promise her that I would never smoke again, and that was not good enough.
Now I am the single owner of a 3BR, 2BA house on an acre of land, but no more girlfriend. She has a lot of other things going on in her life now like her mom's dying, and her business partner is trying to push her out of her business, and I'm sure the house deal was pretty stressful too, but I feel I've changed so much already. Maybe someday I will see the light and stop smoking pot, but I'm still young in my mind and need to learn that on my own.
It hurts so much inside because I want to be there for her as she is going through all this stuff, but I feel I have disappointed her and not truly honest with her, as I was sneaking around getting high.