The Letter
Title: The Letter
Author: dr_is_in
Rating: G
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Jack/Ianto (kind of)
Lyrics: "There’s a saying old, says that love is blind. Still we’re often told, seek and ye shall find." - Someone to Watch Over Me - Ella Fitzgerald
Word Count: 701
Summary: Ok, so this is for Skidmo_fic's lyrics challenge. It took me a long time to finally decide what I was going to write, and I finally decided since this was a challenge, I would challenge myself to write something I've been hesitant to write before. I decided to write this from Jack's POV and its sort of a letter to Ianto. I wanted to try and get into his head, and examine what (I feel, at least) he feels for Ianto.
I am not sure why I am writing this down, It’s not something I normally do.
They say love is blind. And you know what? They’re right, almost painfully so. And you feel like a fool when you realize it.
I’ve waited over a century for The Doctor to show up, obsessed with finding him. And as the year’s have passed, I’ve had loves come in and out of my life. But I don’t think any of them has been "the one", even though I have loved them in my own way. I certainly felt some form of affection for them. But I’ve been so focused on finding him, that I’ve almost missed the one right in front of my eyes.
From day one, he was always something more. I’ll admit that it was the suits that first caught my eye. So straight-laced, so proper, but definitely attractive. Hell, we all know I am a flirt. Always have been, always will be, it’s like breathing to me. But there was something more there. Maybe it was that gleam in his eye. The one that vanished almost as quickly as it appeared when he was reminding me that it was harassment when I would tell him he looked good in a suit.
He always seemed to be there when I most needed him, even if I didn’t know I needed him. The cup of coffee (heaven itself, let me tell you) that would miraculously appear when I was tired and stressed. The way he would be there, my coat in hand, even before I would ask for it. Just his calm presence, the strength I would get from knowing he was near.
I know the others questioned why I didn’t retcon him after Lisa. I told them it was because I believed in second chances, that he was too valuable a member of the team to lose. And that was part of it. But if I want to be completely honest, it was because I felt guilty. I took him and his presence for granted, but never really looked beyond the surface. What happened was partly my fault in some ways because I just didn’t take the time to see, and I came damn close to losing him. I swore after that things would be different. We both deserved a second chance.
Before now, I think the closest I came to realizing just exactly what I felt was after the Beacons. It was just supposed to be a simple trip out to check on some disappearances. Instead, I almost got them all killed. I almost got him killed. He was so brave, Tosh told me everything later. I should have told him then, but I’ve spent so many years keeping others at a distance I didn’t know how to start.
I think he knew, at least in some way, after Suzie. I never would have expected him to make the first move, and when he did? Took me by surprise that I didn’t realize what he meant for a moment. But there it was, that gleam again. But it didn’t fade away this time. Yet once again, I turned a blind eye to what I really felt.
So much has happened since then. He’s betrayed me, as the others did, to open the rift. The uncertainty in his face as he faced me after my death hurt. I tried to tell him what I felt, pouring what I felt into that kiss. Did he know then?
And what did I do? I left, without so much as a word or a look back, chasing after dreams and shadows, never finding the answer I thought I was looking for. It took going to the end of the universe, watching everything destroyed and restored, to make me finally open my eyes and stop running.
Again, I wonder why I am writing this all down. It’s because I am scared to tell you it all, have spent too long hiding a part of myself, turning a blind eye to the chances in front of me. I am hoping when you read this, when I am finally home, you will understand.
I love you, Ianto Jones.
Author: dr_is_in
Rating: G
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Jack/Ianto (kind of)
Lyrics: "There’s a saying old, says that love is blind. Still we’re often told, seek and ye shall find." - Someone to Watch Over Me - Ella Fitzgerald
Word Count: 701
Summary: Ok, so this is for Skidmo_fic's lyrics challenge. It took me a long time to finally decide what I was going to write, and I finally decided since this was a challenge, I would challenge myself to write something I've been hesitant to write before. I decided to write this from Jack's POV and its sort of a letter to Ianto. I wanted to try and get into his head, and examine what (I feel, at least) he feels for Ianto.
I am not sure why I am writing this down, It’s not something I normally do.
They say love is blind. And you know what? They’re right, almost painfully so. And you feel like a fool when you realize it.
I’ve waited over a century for The Doctor to show up, obsessed with finding him. And as the year’s have passed, I’ve had loves come in and out of my life. But I don’t think any of them has been "the one", even though I have loved them in my own way. I certainly felt some form of affection for them. But I’ve been so focused on finding him, that I’ve almost missed the one right in front of my eyes.
From day one, he was always something more. I’ll admit that it was the suits that first caught my eye. So straight-laced, so proper, but definitely attractive. Hell, we all know I am a flirt. Always have been, always will be, it’s like breathing to me. But there was something more there. Maybe it was that gleam in his eye. The one that vanished almost as quickly as it appeared when he was reminding me that it was harassment when I would tell him he looked good in a suit.
He always seemed to be there when I most needed him, even if I didn’t know I needed him. The cup of coffee (heaven itself, let me tell you) that would miraculously appear when I was tired and stressed. The way he would be there, my coat in hand, even before I would ask for it. Just his calm presence, the strength I would get from knowing he was near.
I know the others questioned why I didn’t retcon him after Lisa. I told them it was because I believed in second chances, that he was too valuable a member of the team to lose. And that was part of it. But if I want to be completely honest, it was because I felt guilty. I took him and his presence for granted, but never really looked beyond the surface. What happened was partly my fault in some ways because I just didn’t take the time to see, and I came damn close to losing him. I swore after that things would be different. We both deserved a second chance.
Before now, I think the closest I came to realizing just exactly what I felt was after the Beacons. It was just supposed to be a simple trip out to check on some disappearances. Instead, I almost got them all killed. I almost got him killed. He was so brave, Tosh told me everything later. I should have told him then, but I’ve spent so many years keeping others at a distance I didn’t know how to start.
I think he knew, at least in some way, after Suzie. I never would have expected him to make the first move, and when he did? Took me by surprise that I didn’t realize what he meant for a moment. But there it was, that gleam again. But it didn’t fade away this time. Yet once again, I turned a blind eye to what I really felt.
So much has happened since then. He’s betrayed me, as the others did, to open the rift. The uncertainty in his face as he faced me after my death hurt. I tried to tell him what I felt, pouring what I felt into that kiss. Did he know then?
And what did I do? I left, without so much as a word or a look back, chasing after dreams and shadows, never finding the answer I thought I was looking for. It took going to the end of the universe, watching everything destroyed and restored, to make me finally open my eyes and stop running.
Again, I wonder why I am writing this all down. It’s because I am scared to tell you it all, have spent too long hiding a part of myself, turning a blind eye to the chances in front of me. I am hoping when you read this, when I am finally home, you will understand.
I love you, Ianto Jones.